Reply to What's the minimum level of monthly income minus mortgage you'd feel comfortable with?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The people responding here are plain NUTS.

We have a similar situation.  My husband has looked after the kids while I worked.  My one caution here is whether you will resent him for having that opportunity, when you don't.  It's not a huge issue for us but there are definitely times when I wish I could be the stay at home parent.  He also struggles with his own perceptions that staying at home is somehow "less than" -especially for a man.

Anyway, in terms of cash you need, we live on about 3500 a month after our mortgage is paid and we live very well.  That figure is also after taking out retirement savings.  Our mortgage is much lower than yours, but our income is about 100k. I think you'll do fine.  We eat out regularly and go on a lot of trips/vacations but I don't buy into this assumption that you have to sign your kids up for expensive activities, camps, private schools which I guess eat up other peoples disposable income.[/quote]

To be fair, I wouldn't call them nuts, just living with very very different priorities. :) For example, as someone who learned to code from age 5 onwards, got out of it around middle school (I started noticing girls, they started noticing that they weren't going to be kissing a boy who was into computer programming), got back into it as an adult, I see coding as something that's all about self-teaching and the thrill of self-discovery and pursuing your own personal passion to create. So a $1k a week coding camp at Georgetown would be the exact opposite of what I'd steer my kid towards. But that's a totally valid choice for other people to make!

I think one thing that can help with resentment is if the partner staying home is the one who wants kids more, or feels more comfortable with the day-to-day of dealing with kids. A mismatch on that level would be rough. And obviously if the dude staying home is a committed feminist, that's pretty helpful too.

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