Would you let your preteen grocery shop alone?

[Anonymous]

My son loves to do this. He enjoys math, so he walks around the grocery store with a calculator comparing prices to see if getting the 8oz jar of X is actually a better deal, price-wise, than getting the 5oz.

[Anonymous]

Try a test run! We did this with our DS: give him instructions, a few simple items, $$ and a time limit. Make sure his phone is one for calls/texts and let him practice with items that aren't too heavy (use a delivery service like Peapod for those). You can track his phone on line with a find my phone app. We did that with our DS a couple of times, and he felt confident. So do we. Now he has learned another skill toward independence. Win win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I am surprised and pleased at the first two responses. Maybe I'm not as crazy as I thought! (I feel like I'm losing my mind lately with all the stress.)

The call ahead/online ordering thing is a great idea that I should probably plan to do in the future. But it's too late to do it tonight.

Thanks.

I think it's great and as a matter of fact I saw a young(ish) boy at Whole Foods shopping. I think he was 11 or 12. He had his mom's cell phone and spoke to her about his list and when I saw him at checkout a few people commented on how impressive it was that he was doing the grocery shopping on his own. He had a huge smile on his face and was clearly happy to be shopping on his own!

In these days of constant helicoperting this is a great and very safe confidence builder.

[Anonymous]

Mine has been running errands at a store one block away since she was 8 and graduated to groceries at 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PS Have any of you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker? I last read it years ago, but now that we're talking about this, I seem to remember it having some recommendations in this area. Am I thinking of the right book? Maybe I need to re-read it ...

I am a NYer who read it, and found it to be useless. But I have street smarts for days. You're sick and have kids and are busy. Ill save you some time: trust your gut. The End. That's his whole book. If anything, have your SON read the book.

The Gift of Fear is a great book, and really has a lot more in it than just trust your gut, but he does emphasize that. The best book for helping to raise kids is Gavin de Becker's book called Protecting the Gift. He goes through strategies of safely teaching your kids ways to become more independent.

[Anonymous]

I would. I also have serious health issues. My younger kid (almost 11) already runs the aisles for me in WF and Balducci's. She can handle a regular grocery store in a year.

[Anonymous]

It would be fine. My sister and I used to do the grocery shopping when we were young (we even clipped and used coupons).

[Anonymous]

Perfectly fine, I don't think he'll have any problem with it.

Another idea is doing online shopping at Harris Teeter. I use the service and they do a good job picking out everything, bagging it up and then you pull up with your car have them load it and give them a credit card. They keep a list of your last list, so your common items are easy to click and add to the bag.

Hope everything goes well for you.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it's fine. Is there a plan for what to do if he finishes before the hour is up?

If you have more time to plan ahead you can get delivery from Giant/Peapod or Safeway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might want to speak to the store manager as he would likely be regarded as a shoplifting threat. Seriously.

An eleven-year-old with a grocery list, buying bread and milk and juice boxes, at dinnertime, at Whole Foods? Doesn't seem like the stereotypical shoplifting suspect to me.

I thought it was funny, too. My kid had shopped plenty by that age - him with one cart, me with another, and no manager ever looked twice.

[Anonymous]

By that age I was already walking half a mile to the local grocery store to pick up the Camels and Virginia Slim Menthols my parents smoked by the carton. I could also mix a pretty solid Scotch and soda by that point, too. Ah, the 70s in rural New York state ...

[Anonymous]

Yes! My parents used to let me do this as a preteen just because I thought it was fun.

I doubt you'll have a "shoplifting" issue if your child is pushing around a cart with a list and isn't with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Don't see any problem with this but then again I live in a city (and country) where kids as young as 6 and 7 take public transport by themselves to and from school. Your child is plenty old to be in a grocery store alone and shop and make a purchase.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a good idea but realistically you, your son, and husband could be in and out of the store in 20 min after the appt if you all shop together. I doubt it would take an hour. I stopped reading after page one, but I hope you found a good solution. You might be more relaxed in your appt and able to devote full attention without wondering how it's going for your son at the store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming your sixth grade child was 1) mature and responsible, 2) way larger and older-looking than the average middle school student, and 3) had a cell phone to easily reach you, and 4) you were only going to be 2-to-3 minutes away by car for an appointment, would you ever consider dropping him/her off at an upscale grocery store with tons of customer service in a very safe neighborhood with a shopping list so that he/she could fill the cart up while you attend the appointment?

I've recently been diagnosed with a serious illness requiring frequent doctor trips, and between the health stuff, regular life chores like grocery shopping and housework, parenting, working almost full time, and trying to rebuild my crumbling marriage, I feel like I could really use some extra help. My eldest has been great about pitching in with laundry and babysitting when needed, but tonight DH and I need to go to counseling AND the to grocery store (if we don't, he and his brother won't have breakfast/lunches for the week), and I'm wondering if it would be out of line to ask DS 11 to fill up the cart while his dad and I are at our appointment. We leave him at home alone or watching his brother pretty often for an hour or so, with no issues. This would be almost exactly an hour, and he'd be occupied searching for the objects on the list and putting them in the cart, without the complication of being responsible for his brother (who has child care for tonight). That way, when we arrived to pick him up, we'd just have to pay for the groceries and go home rather than having to go to counseling, then shop for another hour, THEN drive home. "Two birds, one stone" kind of thing.

Is this a crazy idea? Please be kind about your response. It's okay to say you think it's a bad idea, but please don't call me a bad parent. I am doing the best I can in a really shitty situation, and I wouldn't be asking for a gut check here if I didn't care about doing the right thing.

I have sent my 6th grader walking with a cart to the grocery store that was neither upscale nor had great customer service. So, yes in your case I'd be fine. I wouldn't necessarily expect him to make all the best choices (e.g. produce might be a little over or under ripe), and to compare prices and get the best deals, but I'm sure it would be fine.