Would you let your preteen grocery shop alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might want to speak to the store manager as he would likely be regarded as a shoplifting threat. Seriously.

PP: You are just crazy. An 11 year old can purchase groceries (not booze, not tobacco products), just like anyone else. By placing grocery items in the cart, he would absolutely not be regarded a shoplifting threat.

To OP: Your plan is very sound. You know your child, and you know if he is capable. That said, I myself send my pre-teens (sometimes just one 6th grader, sometimes together with a 5th grader sibling) to go grocery shopping. Usually, it's just something small (2-4 items) that I forgot to buy while doing a big shopping (or we decide to bake something special and I need all the ingredients), but nevertheless, they have to find the items, place them in the cart, pay for them, and carry them home. The younger sibling sometimes goes to a nearly drug store to buy one or two items. The grocery store is about a 10 minute walk. We never had any problems. If they cannot find the item, they just ask for help. Works great. Teaches them responsibility. They pay cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's an "upscale" grocery store?

In this case, a Wegmans in northern VA. I'd also consider Whole Foods upscale. I'm not really interested in a huge DCUM style classification debate over grocery store classism, though. That would probably wind up being a 20 page thread all by itself if you want to start one, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might want to speak to the store manager as he would likely be regarded as a shoplifting threat. Seriously.

PP: You are just crazy. An 11 year old can purchase groceries (not booze, not tobacco products), just like anyone else. By placing grocery items in the cart, he would absolutely not be regarded a shoplifting threat.

To OP: Your plan is very sound. You know your child, and you know if he is capable. That said, I myself send my pre-teens (sometimes just one 6th grader, sometimes together with a 5th grader sibling) to go grocery shopping. Usually, it's just something small (2-4 items) that I forgot to buy while doing a big shopping (or we decide to bake something special and I need all the ingredients), but nevertheless, they have to find the items, place them in the cart, pay for them, and carry them home. The younger sibling sometimes goes to a nearly drug store to buy one or two items. The grocery store is about a 10 minute walk. We never had any problems. If they cannot find the item, they just ask for help. Works great. Teaches them responsibility. They pay cash.

OP here. I like you. You sound like a great parent. This is how I grew up, but I know things have changed a lot. I'm glad to know not everyone has gone helicopter crazy. I'm really happily surprised by the response to this idea! I'm looking forward to seeing how he does.

PS Have any of you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker? I last read it years ago, but now that we're talking about this, I seem to remember it having some recommendations in this area. Am I thinking of the right book? Maybe I need to re-read it ...

[Anonymous]

I think this sounds like a great idea. I am a huge fan of both efficiency and teaching kids independence, and your idea is both efficient AND teaches independence, which makes it even MORE efficient. I'm actually getting tingles thinking about its efficiency.

If, for some reason, this goes awry or your DS doesn't want to do it again, there is always Instacart, which is what I do since I don't have time to grocery shop and my kids are under 6 so can't do the shopping, but I think your idea is vastly superior in its benefits and efficiency.

[Anonymous]

I have a 13yo DS and would certainly let him do this. At that age he was biking by himself to the local grocery store and deli and making his own (minor) purchases. But my now 11yo DD -- she would probably get overwhelmed, not that that is a bad thing. This is the sort of controlled freedom that makes kids grow up. Before Christmas we let the two of them wander around Tysons for about two hours with $100 each, to buy Christmas presents (for 5 people). They did great in terms of budgeting and made very responsible, thoughtful gift choices.

[Anonymous]

You're totally overthinking this. Just give him a list and a pen. He can put a star next to any item he can't find or isn't sure about. It's fine. You don't need to talk to a manager. Make sure he uses a basket or a cart rather than holding everything. Then nobody will suspect him of shoplifting groceries. Not that anyone would look at an 11 yr old boy holding a jar of mayo as a shoplifter.

[Anonymous]

PS Have any of you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker? I last read it years ago, but now that we're talking about this, I seem to remember it having some recommendations in this area. Am I thinking of the right book? Maybe I need to re-read it ...

I am a NYer who read it, and found it to be useless. But I have street smarts for days. You're sick and have kids and are busy. Ill save you some time: trust your gut. The End. That's his whole book. If anything, have your SON read the book.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a great idea, regardless of any health issues in the family. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're totally overthinking this. Just give him a list and a pen. He can put a star next to any item he can't find or isn't sure about. It's fine. You don't need to talk to a manager. Make sure he uses a basket or a cart rather than holding everything. Then nobody will suspect him of shoplifting groceries. Not that anyone would look at an 11 yr old boy holding a jar of mayo as a shoplifter.

OP again. I'd love to agree with this, but we live in a world where parents can go to jail for letting their kids walk to the park. So I feel like I have to second guess what seems like common sense. I really don't need CPS banging down my door, in addition to everything else.

[Anonymous]

^OP again. I said "go to jail" when I meant "get their kids taken away." Or maybe they did go to jail. I don't remember all the details of that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PS Have any of you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker? I last read it years ago, but now that we're talking about this, I seem to remember it having some recommendations in this area. Am I thinking of the right book? Maybe I need to re-read it ...

I am a NYer who read it, and found it to be useless. But I have street smarts for days. You're sick and have kids and are busy. Ill save you some time: trust your gut. The End. That's his whole book. If anything, have your SON read the book.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're totally overthinking this. Just give him a list and a pen. He can put a star next to any item he can't find or isn't sure about. It's fine. You don't need to talk to a manager. Make sure he uses a basket or a cart rather than holding everything. Then nobody will suspect him of shoplifting groceries. Not that anyone would look at an 11 yr old boy holding a jar of mayo as a shoplifter.

OP again. I'd love to agree with this, but we live in a world where parents can go to jail for letting their kids walk to the park. So I feel like I have to second guess what seems like common sense. I really don't need CPS banging down my door, in addition to everything else.

Alright, I suppose you have a point. Send him with a note with that day's date saying "I, Sue Gremlin, parent of Evan Gremlin, give Evan permission to shop at Whole Foods today, January 4th, 2016 from 6:30pm to 8pm. It is an educational exercise." He should stick it in his pocket and plan to throw it out after you meet him there, but if anyone calls the police he can show it to them. Otherwise if someone asks if he's okay, he can just smile and say "Yes, thanks!" and move on.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would not have even given this a second thought. Sixth graders are definitely old enough to do grocery shopping alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^OP again. I said "go to jail" when I meant "get their kids taken away." Or maybe they did go to jail. I don't remember all the details of that case.

No one went to jail. And the kids weren't taken away.

The kids were kept with the police for a few hours and I"m sure lawsuits are pending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PS Have any of you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker? I last read it years ago, but now that we're talking about this, I seem to remember it having some recommendations in this area. Am I thinking of the right book? Maybe I need to re-read it ...

I am a NYer who read it, and found it to be useless. But I have street smarts for days. You're sick and have kids and are busy. Ill save you some time: trust your gut. The End. That's his whole book. If anything, have your SON read the book.

Hooray! I'm not the OP, but you've done me a public service with your summary as well. Thanks, PP.