Something isn't right or am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I stayed with a guy like this for far too long - don't waste your time. My guy never got around to wanting a commitment and now I'm over 40.

[Anonymous]

Another vote that you do not waste your time with this guy. Listen to your gut. He basically hides you on FB because he's keeping his options open and still looking for someone better. He's not committed to you. He only truly cares about himself. He's not putting you first or even equal to him and his plans.

I wasted years with someone like this. He did this same stuff. To me, privately, he said we were together, but to himself and to others, he either hid me or presented us a just a casual relationship. He put himself first. I didn't listen to my gut, and I regret it. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stayed with a guy like this for far too long - don't waste your time. My guy never got around to wanting a commitment and now I'm over 40.

+1 I spent my 30's with a guy like this. We did get married but he wanted to wait on a child because he wanted to finish law school. He dropped out of law school. At 38, I got tired of waiting , divorced him. At almost 40 found the right one and TTC. Don't wait on this guy-find the right one for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have very good gut instincts. Please honor yourself and follow them. I'm glad DCUM is joining the chorus that is already in your head -- this guy is not right for you, not aligned with your goals at all.

You can be supportive of his goals to go to grad school, get out of debt, and get a stable job while at the same time getting married and building a "nest", both physical and financial, to prepare you for starting to have kids in a couple of years. (In fact, DH and I got out of debt together by supporting each other and combining households, and then learning to budget and keep a budget together.) But this guy sees his goals as exclusive of yours. He's not interested in planning together.

As someone who wasted many years with such a guy, please do yourself a favor and break up now. Even though things are good in many ways. That's the trap --- he is probably VERY comfortable in this relationship right now and would be comfortable staying this way with you for another 2, 3, 4 years or MORE. But that's not what you want. You want to move forward and build a family with someone.

This is not the guy.

Please know that and act on it. Soon.

[Anonymous]

I'd end it. If he was really serious about you, he'd come running back with a revised game plan that takes into consideration your joint future. But given that he wont publicly acknowledge he has a girlfriend, I would not hold your breath. Sorry.

You're young enough to find someone else. Maybe someone who has finished the school thing and is more settled in his career and thus more ready for commitment.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live together. If yes, I have a feeling he is using you to save $$$ and pay off debt.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised people say it's a red flag he doesn't want to brag about you on FB. I don't do that either. Yet, I have nothing to hide.

[Anonymous]

Let's see... he blocks YOUR tags but is OK with coworkers and other friends? (4:33, I think most people would be fine with a non-Facebooker unless he/she started getting hateful about it but selective blocks isn't cool.)

He's going back to school at 36 ... is this "I'm bored with my life" grad school or something with a real goal like 4:33?

Haven't yet met his parents?

Yeah, lots of problems here.

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness all of us on here can look at these issues objectively. That is the beauty of anonymous posting.

He told you that you "have" to support whatever he decides to do....??! This line is a huge red flag that he likes to be the one in control. And that is not good.

His philosophy is basically that he is right, knows what he wants and doesn't want anyone disagreeing with him. You're spot on, his way or no way.

Plus, he should be bragging about you to any and everyone about how he feels about you.

I say this one's a dud. You are only 32, you have plenty of time to meet someone who will appreciate your love and good heart.