Something isn't right or am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Dating a very nice man for a year, he is 37 I am 32. We spent the holidays with my relatives and everything was fine. We got home and something just didn't feel right to me. I think I've been ignoring some things that I shouldn't have:

My biggest goal is marriage and a family. I have a successful career.

He wants to pay off debt, go back to school and possibly take a job elsewhere. He says he wants a family but not now, before 40.

My gut tells me he has a bunch of goals that he wants to accomplish (school, debt-free, stable job) and he won't get there in the next 3 years. I also get this feeling that it is his way or the highway. He keeps saying I have to support him no matter what, I think any major decisions should be joint. My gut is also telling me that he isn't all that excited about me or is holding back because he blocks nearly everything about us online while allowing friend stuff. I've talked to him about all of these issues and he tells me I should stop trying to change him.

What say you DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I say listen to your gut. He doesn't sound like he's open to compromise and he's flat out said no family before 40, which takes YOU to at least 35 years old. What does he block about you online?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say listen to your gut. He doesn't sound like he's open to compromise and he's flat out said no family before 40, which takes YOU to at least 35 years old. What does he block about you online?

Yes on 35 and when I mentioned "what if we can't have kids then" his response was "if we can't I would still love you." While that was sweet, it just made me further think that kids aren't a priority. He blocks nearly every photo & tag on Facebook. He allows photos that friends or coworkers post. When I ask about it he says that he doesn't want his personal life online but has no explainatukn for why he allows other posts and not mine.

[Anonymous]

My sister has been with a guy for 10 years like that. RUN, RUN fast. He can marry you and still pay off debt an go to school. I'd be worried about him wanting a stable job. By his age he should have one.

[Anonymous]

Have you hung out with "his" relatives on big holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you hung out with "his" relatives on big holidays?

I've met some of his relatives but not yet his parents. He spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.

[Anonymous]

Please listen to your gut especially because it sounds like you've had multiple gut feelings. The more us women listen the stronger / less deniable the feelings are and easier to act on so trust it now. You're in your prime I'd look elsewhere for partnership.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so he is 37 and about to become a student with a bunch of debt and chase his mid-life crisis dreams? Sorry girlfriend, it's not that 32 is like your clock is running out, but it is like he is NOT stable enough to get engaged, possibly ever. Not someone I'd want to rely on. You will meet him, and you will know.

[Anonymous]

Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say listen to your gut. He doesn't sound like he's open to compromise and he's flat out said no family before 40, which takes YOU to at least 35 years old. What does he block about you online?

Yes on 35 and when I mentioned "what if we can't have kids then" his response was "if we can't I would still love you." While that was sweet, it just made me further think that kids aren't a priority. He blocks nearly every photo & tag on Facebook. He allows photos that friends or coworkers post. When I ask about it he says that he doesn't want his personal life online but has no explainatukn for why he allows other posts and not mine.

+1 to RUN then. He blocks everything? He's hiding something. Even if not, he's made clear that his future is on a very long trajectory and he doesn't want you to change that, so move on. There are many other men to choose from who want what you want.

[Anonymous]

You need to find someone who will adore you! Got it?! ADORE you! You should share the same goals and be excited about them together.

Please please trust your gut and run! Run fast! Don't look back or get sucked back in with broken promises.

Signed someone who did the same and found my adoring husband 6 months later at 33. Married 7 months later and first honeymoon kid at 34.

We are now married almost ten years with two kids and he still adores me and I him!

Good luck & never settle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say listen to your gut. He doesn't sound like he's open to compromise and he's flat out said no family before 40, which takes YOU to at least 35 years old. What does he block about you online?

Yes on 35 and when I mentioned "what if we can't have kids then" his response was "if we can't I would still love you." While that was sweet, it just made me further think that kids aren't a priority. He blocks nearly every photo & tag on Facebook. He allows photos that friends or coworkers post. When I ask about it he says that he doesn't want his personal life online but has no explainatukn for why he allows other posts and not mine.

This is a huge red flag, in addition to the other issues. He's hiding you from someone or holding back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so he is 37 and about to become a student with a bunch of debt and chase his mid-life crisis dreams? Sorry girlfriend, it's not that 32 is like your clock is running out, but it is like he is NOT stable enough to get engaged, possibly ever. Not someone I'd want to rely on. You will meet him, and you will know.

I went to a professional graduate program at 36 that quadrupled my earnings in six digits when I graduated at 40....

I also deleted Facebook because I need privacy in my profession.

But I still think unless you agree with his approach, goals, he's probably not the right guy for you.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure there's nobody else? The whole hiding you on fb thing sounds really weird to me. I'd move on if it were me.

[Anonymous]

Wait, you have been with him a year and HAVEN'T MET HIS PARENTS? That is a major red flag.