Xmas overload. Possible to politely convey preference (few quality v many cheap toys)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my MIL I started an Amazon wish list for the girls, so that *I* could keep track of the things I wanted to get for them. "My friend Becca suggested that; it was SO helpful to get organized that way!" And then she asked for the link.

When she asked "what's new?" DH told her "We've decided we're not getting the girls plastic toys made in China. We found several companies that make toys in the US that we really like."

Now, four years later, sometimes she goes "off-list" but she has a very clear understanding of the types of toys I want my kids to have. When she's gone clothing shopping with me for them and pulls out a sweatshirt that has the word GAP plastered across the chest and asked "How about this?" I've answered "Oh, well I like the color for DD, but we don't believe in the kids being a walking advertisement so won't get them stuff with brands on them in big lettering."

Jesus you sound absolutely insufferable.

I thought the same thing! You're offended by a Gap sweatshirt?!

Did you read? Grandma ASKED op her opinion. Nobody was offended. If your mom asked you if you/your kid would like a specific shirt, is your answer always "oh why yes thank you, Mother?" If so, you're a door mat.

Also, do you like shirts with GAP across the front? Why?

[Anonymous]

Maybe mean to admit, but my ILs never listened to my suggestions and ideas and believed that Christmas was to be a gift-opening marathon with far too many presents. Toys, toys and more toys - more presents from ILs than from us, the parents. Obnoxious.

It got so frustrating that I'd squirrel away some items from the haul and give to DC later, donate some and/or regift.

[Anonymous]

Offer suggestions. I told my MIL that I wanted to start a Christmas book collection for my kids. I showed her one my brother sent with a greeting and the year in front and she was off like a rocket to do the same. She now sees that we love these and was quick to pick up a similar thing buying them classic books for birthdays. When I said we were tapped out in toys and that my kids needed other things for birthdays she was receptive. She gives my fall birthday child a new coat, boots or accessories for his birthday (which saves me an expense,) and the spring birthday child gets a swimsuit, goggles, etc.

For my parents I suggested getting the kids ornaments each year and a gift certificate for some kind of lessons. They have now given us money for skating, dance, swimming and tennis lessons over the years. My brother gives books and gift cards to craft or sporting good stores (which they love!)

[Anonymous]

With the plastic, 20+ piece sets - we allow DD to pick one set to open & play with immediately after Christmas. The other sets are stored for rainy and snow days - they come out for one day and if they aren't put back together by the end of the day, it is recycled. If a set becomes dispersed throughout the house, all the pieces are collected and trashed. Some sets are donated straight away.

[Anonymous]

Ditto to what most people said. I only give gift suggestions if asked. My parents and siblings are on a limited budget so in general if asked for suggestions I go with items in the $20-25 range. So that would mean clothes, DVDs, an inexpensive Lego set etc. My mom will normally on her own go for something creative that corresponds with their interest like a recorder and mini Instrument set. I can sort of see the Amazon Wishlist if asked just because it makes it easier to manage so if you only have 10 suggestions you don't have to remember which person you gave 2-3 ideas and you know what is still left that you can decide to get. That said, I am shying away from the Amazon Wishlist with the kids (elementary age) because they could find 100 things they wanted and it becomes all about give me give me give me and less about spirit of Christmas.

Also agreed that once the kids get older, some of the extended family may not do gifts at all because teenagers in general want a few expensive things. Once they are past the age of toys you end up either doing cash or gift cards - which I may do for my niece/nephew but less likely to do for my 2nd cousins' son/daughter. For our own kiss we cut back on toys and tried to do more clothes, books, a few fillers like shopkins, and maybe one big item like Fitbit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With the plastic, 20+ piece sets - we allow DD to pick one set to open & play with immediately after Christmas. The other sets are stored for rainy and snow days - they come out for one day and if they aren't put back together by the end of the day, it is recycled. If a set becomes dispersed throughout the house, all the pieces are collected and trashed. Some sets are donated straight away.

We also have DD give select a bag's worth of items to give away at least twice a year. We also use that as an opportunity to get ride of some stuff. I feel like as long as the kids played with the gift a few times, I think it's fair game to toss it once it's gotten some use and is now just one of a hundred things cluttering up the play room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my MIL I started an Amazon wish list for the girls, so that *I* could keep track of the things I wanted to get for them. "My friend Becca suggested that; it was SO helpful to get organized that way!" And then she asked for the link.

When she asked "what's new?" DH told her "We've decided we're not getting the girls plastic toys made in China. We found several companies that make toys in the US that we really like."

Now, four years later, sometimes she goes "off-list" but she has a very clear understanding of the types of toys I want my kids to have. When she's gone clothing shopping with me for them and pulls out a sweatshirt that has the word GAP plastered across the chest and asked "How about this?" I've answered "Oh, well I like the color for DD, but we don't believe in the kids being a walking advertisement so won't get them stuff with brands on them in big lettering."

Jesus you sound absolutely insufferable.

I thought the same thing! You're offended by a Gap sweatshirt?!

I wouldn't use the term "offended." I'm just very aware of marketing and advertising and don't want my kids to be advertising a brand by wearing it plastered across their body. They wear Gap clothes with no problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my MIL I started an Amazon wish list for the girls, so that *I* could keep track of the things I wanted to get for them. "My friend Becca suggested that; it was SO helpful to get organized that way!" And then she asked for the link.

When she asked "what's new?" DH told her "We've decided we're not getting the girls plastic toys made in China. We found several companies that make toys in the US that we really like."

Now, four years later, sometimes she goes "off-list" but she has a very clear understanding of the types of toys I want my kids to have. When she's gone clothing shopping with me for them and pulls out a sweatshirt that has the word GAP plastered across the chest and asked "How about this?" I've answered "Oh, well I like the color for DD, but we don't believe in the kids being a walking advertisement so won't get them stuff with brands on them in big lettering."

Jesus you sound absolutely insufferable.

+1

+2. I was thinking that about several people on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let people gift what they want to gift. Telling them what to gift is obnoxious. Let your kids play with these cheap plastic gifts for a while. They'll tire of them quickly. Then do a purge and donate to Goodwill.

That's what we do anyway, and it works for us. (We still do have way too much crap though, I'll admit that. We don't purge often enough.)

Agreed. A lot of people on this thread seem to lack the graciousness and humility genes.

[Anonymous]

Let people gift what they want to gift. Let it be a lesson in teaching your kids about writing thank-you notes.

Some people like gifting multiple inexpensive items. If they ask (and only if they ask), ask them for school supplies and refresh the kids' stash at mid-school year. If you get duplicates or too many of something, put it away for next September.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my MIL I started an Amazon wish list for the girls, so that *I* could keep track of the things I wanted to get for them. "My friend Becca suggested that; it was SO helpful to get organized that way!" And then she asked for the link.

When she asked "what's new?" DH told her "We've decided we're not getting the girls plastic toys made in China. We found several companies that make toys in the US that we really like."

Now, four years later, sometimes she goes "off-list" but she has a very clear understanding of the types of toys I want my kids to have. When she's gone clothing shopping with me for them and pulls out a sweatshirt that has the word GAP plastered across the chest and asked "How about this?" I've answered "Oh, well I like the color for DD, but we don't believe in the kids being a walking advertisement so won't get them stuff with brands on them in big lettering."

Jesus you sound absolutely insufferable.

I thought the same thing. good lord, woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my MIL I started an Amazon wish list for the girls, so that *I* could keep track of the things I wanted to get for them. "My friend Becca suggested that; it was SO helpful to get organized that way!" And then she asked for the link.

When she asked "what's new?" DH told her "We've decided we're not getting the girls plastic toys made in China. We found several companies that make toys in the US that we really like."

Now, four years later, sometimes she goes "off-list" but she has a very clear understanding of the types of toys I want my kids to have. When she's gone clothing shopping with me for them and pulls out a sweatshirt that has the word GAP plastered across the chest and asked "How about this?" I've answered "Oh, well I like the color for DD, but we don't believe in the kids being a walking advertisement so won't get them stuff with brands on them in big lettering."

Jesus you sound absolutely insufferable.

I thought the same thing. good lord, woman.

This is why I love DCUM. For every insufferable you-know-what, there are five other women willing to call her out!

[Anonymous]

I find it amusing that only time I'm getting noisy talking toys is from the boomers. I guess 60 I'd about when you forget how obnoxious they are

[Anonymous]

Op, just let it go. I spent a lot of time stressing about this when my kids were younger, but I learned to relax. My mom and MIL have very different gifting habits. Both are annoying in their own way...

My mom makes Christmas shopping a sport. She works at it for months and runs around town armed with coupons, ads, and receipts (in case she needs a price adjustment). She is ALL about quantity and amount saved. What the recipient wants is not the highest priority. So we all, adults and kids, get boxes full of Kohl's and JCPenney bargains. I have learned to just roll with it. Sometimes the kids end up liking the plastic crap, and that's fine. Otherwise I donate it and it ends up going to a needy kid who needs it more than mine ever did.

MIL has a different approach. She just wants me to give her a specific item directly from the kids' wish list. His whole family does this. This seems impersonal to me. We are just sending each other out with a shopping list and we don't get to put any real thought into the gifts we buy. It's also annoying to divide up the wish lists and make sure there aren't duplicates. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to come up with their own ideas. I would be happy to come up with my own ideas for the kids on that side but that's not what's expected.

Anyway, like others have pointed out, those plastic toy years will be gone before you know it. You will appreciate ANY help with gifting when the wish lust gets more expensive so dont burn bridges.

[Anonymous]

No, there is really no polite way to tell people what to buy your kids. If they ask for suggestions, offer experiences, like trips to the theater, museum memberships, classes in something the kid wants to do, etc. Or suggest items that fit in with stuff you already have--play food for a play kitchen, art supplies, etc.

And while I'm not thrilled with the plastic crap, I agree with the PPs who noted that (1) it's great to have a box of stuff ready for a rainy day, and (2) the cheap toys have their place in imaginative play.