When your child just refuses to do homework

[Anonymous]

Well OP, what is your child's diagnosis?

It sounds as if he has Asperger's.
My ADHD 10 year old can be quite rigid, and he may be a borderline Asperger's case, but it gets better with ADHD medication. He refuses to do math according to MCPS rules and refuses to incorporate teacher's suggestions into his writing - and always has good reasons to do so, so I don't fight that. I prefer he get an imperfect grade rather than follow blindly and learn a crappy math method or change his essay to include stupid stuff the sped teacher tells him to include.

HOWEVER. I'm a very strict parent, and if DS doesn't comply with my rules, then he gets severely punished. I also implement a very regular routine at home, with lots of sleep, set times for wholesome meals and bedtime, downtime, no screens and serene home environment. Completing math homework and writing essays is one of my rules. He can do it *his* way, since it's more thoughtful and researched than what they teach at his public school. I give him a pass on the inane vocab homework, which he doesn't need anyway.

My point is that you have to know your child, and what ultimately will serve him best in the long-term. Following rules is important, obeying one's parents is important, but you don't need to follow ALL rules ALL the time - that is very difficult for a rigid child to understand, but is sometimes necessary to implement with a twice exceptional student (a gifted child with disabilities). You have to treat possible anxiety, explain and model all social interactions he may be missing, and work on the rigidity as best you can.

[Anonymous]

I don't think any child should be severely punished for not doing homework (or anything else for that matter). It will cement an oppositional dynamic that will be hard to ameliorate in the long run.

OP- what does your child say when you ask him why he does not want to do his homework? What does he say when you ask him what he expects will happen if he does not do his homework? What does he think his short term consequences will be? How compliant is he with household chores? How social is he? Outside of school, what are his activities? Where does he get the most pleasure and is happiest?

I can't remember, how old is he?

[Anonymous]

There's not enough information here to offer help.

[Anonymous]

You don't say how old your kid is, or their diagnosis, but I am going to assume MS or HS. In my house there is no screentime during the week. Chores and homework must be done to have screentime on the weekend.

We also have a tutor that helps with the homework. Worth every penny. In MS we focused on making sure DS did homework and assignments the correct way in only the subjects he was most interested in (just to start reinforcing the importance of following directions and completing work). In highschool the big step has been to complete all assignments, in the way the teacher asked, in all subjects. It is a work in progress, but, the rigidity is improving.

All kids are different. I find that mine responds better to advice from others than from me. It is okay to seek professional advice/help. Now is the time to work on all this, while they are young and malleable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's not enough information here to offer help.

Yup, if OP truly wanted help he/she would have at a minimum told us the age, grade, diagnosis: But no, just IQ

So maybe it is a NT, 140 IQ high school kid who is spending all their time smoking pot......