When your child just refuses to do homework

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not talking about can't do his homework. He simply won't. He is so rigid that he can not stomach the thought of doing anything he does not want to do. What do you do when his IQ, tested twice, is 140, but he is failing four subjects??

Doing things because you HAVE to do them is an important skill for life as a mature functioning adult. Does your DS have a diagnosis? I would put him into a program like Unstuck and On Target at Ivymount.

I would not talk or emphasize his IQ but talk more about the value of hard work. It does not matter what someone's IQ is if they won't do the work. Seriously, how old is your DS?

Actually IQ is an important factor. I would not talk to the child about his IQ but in asking a question fro help IQ is important. If your IQ is 140 that is quite high and actually can be debilitating. There is a law of diminishing return for IQs. I can't remember the exact number but I think over 140 is past the sweet spot. So he is right on the boarder.

If his IQ was 128, I would suggest one thing, but 145, something different.

I am not suggesting anything yet except some compassion and understanding that there is something going on, it needs to be addressed, and that the OP probably needs help addressing it from a professional, not an internet forum.

Is there a social factor, physiological factor, learning disability. I would not just assume a kid is being a brat if he is not doing his homework. There are simple solutions. For example, some kids do their homework and never turn it in.... email or a dropbox is tool that has solved that problem for many kids, finish... email.

Sometimes these kids feel like the whole world is against them: teachers, administrators, their own bodies, etc... the last thing they need is to have the parents against them also. It leads to stuff like cutting, drug use, depression... we are not just talking about a kid that is being a brat, kids don't want F's.

A high IQ is not an excuse for not doing homework. I have a child with a FSIQ of 150+ on the WISC. He has an ASD/ADHD diagnosis and NOTHING in his neuropsych exam indicates that he is incapable of doing things that do not interest him. He is expected and does his homework.

I cannot believe I am debating something this ridiculous...

There maybe other issues that keeps the kid from doing his homework but high IQ is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not talking about can't do his homework. He simply won't. He is so rigid that he can not stomach the thought of doing anything he does not want to do. What do you do when his IQ, tested twice, is 140, but he is failing four subjects??

Doing things because you HAVE to do them is an important skill for life as a mature functioning adult. Does your DS have a diagnosis? I would put him into a program like Unstuck and On Target at Ivymount.

I would not talk or emphasize his IQ but talk more about the value of hard work. It does not matter what someone's IQ is if they won't do the work. Seriously, how old is your DS?

Actually IQ is an important factor. I would not talk to the child about his IQ but in asking a question fro help IQ is important. If your IQ is 140 that is quite high and actually can be debilitating. There is a law of diminishing return for IQs. I can't remember the exact number but I think over 140 is past the sweet spot. So he is right on the boarder.

If his IQ was 128, I would suggest one thing, but 145, something different.

I am not suggesting anything yet except some compassion and understanding that there is something going on, it needs to be addressed, and that the OP probably needs help addressing it from a professional, not an internet forum.

Is there a social factor, physiological factor, learning disability. I would not just assume a kid is being a brat if he is not doing his homework. There are simple solutions. For example, some kids do their homework and never turn it in.... email or a dropbox is tool that has solved that problem for many kids, finish... email.

Sometimes these kids feel like the whole world is against them: teachers, administrators, their own bodies, etc... the last thing they need is to have the parents against them also. It leads to stuff like cutting, drug use, depression... we are not just talking about a kid that is being a brat, kids don't want F's.

A high IQ is not an excuse for not doing homework. I have a child with a FSIQ of 150+ on the WISC. He has an ASD/ADHD diagnosis and NOTHING in his neuropsych exam indicates that he is incapable of doing things that do not interest him. He is expected and does his homework.

I cannot believe I am debating something this ridiculous...

There maybe other issues that keeps the kid from doing his homework but high IQ is not one of them.

You are not debating something ridiculous you are debating something you don't understand. You are reading with colored glasses that were colored with your single solitary experience.

1. Step out of the box and imagine there are children different than your child.
2. Reread a little slower because you have misread or misunderstood or just did not comprehend something .. maybe you just don't understand the concepts presented.

NOBODY said high IQ is an excuse, NOBODY said OP's child is not expected to do homework. So reread and relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not talking about can't do his homework. He simply won't. He is so rigid that he can not stomach the thought of doing anything he does not want to do. What do you do when his IQ, tested twice, is 140, but he is failing four subjects??

Does your child have any LDs? Does he have ADHD? The resistance to homework could be very so many reasons. For us, we found out my son had ADHD. Once we put him on a long acting ADHD medication, he was easily able to complete his homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a gifted child who's naturally rebellious: about homework, bedtime, language, everything. Here's what I do:
* set ground rules and stick to them
* give the child about an hour to unwind after getting home from activities
* good, healthy, well balanced dinner
* turn everything off, including DCUM! Read paper materials during quiet home work time
* take away all distractions, including unplug and remove from the room if necessary
* work a subject or two, then take a walk/talk to discuss class, friends, issues, stress
* go back to work on a subject or two and repeat the walk until done
* no electronics for grownups, either! It creates noise and light pollution to distract the child
* help when needed
* check work/look over shoulder for style and substance, organization and flow
* do all of this every time as needed until the child can do it alone
* proceed in love, patience and understanding, remembering how hard school and childhood is
* consult teachers and school staff for extraordinary difficulties
* keep working at it with love and empathy
* have fun afterward, including reading, electronics, bath and plenty of nighttime rest, relaxation and sleep
* always keep your sense of humor

Good luck!

This is a really good list and should be a poster for most of us SN moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a gifted child who's naturally rebellious: about homework, bedtime, language, everything. Here's what I do:
* set ground rules and stick to them
* give the child about an hour to unwind after getting home from activities
* good, healthy, well balanced dinner
* turn everything off, including DCUM! Read paper materials during quiet home work time
* take away all distractions, including unplug and remove from the room if necessary
* work a subject or two, then take a walk/talk to discuss class, friends, issues, stress
* go back to work on a subject or two and repeat the walk until done
* no electronics for grownups, either! It creates noise and light pollution to distract the child
* help when needed
* check work/look over shoulder for style and substance, organization and flow
* do all of this every time as needed until the child can do it alone
* proceed in love, patience and understanding, remembering how hard school and childhood is
* consult teachers and school staff for extraordinary difficulties
* keep working at it with love and empathy
* have fun afterward, including reading, electronics, bath and plenty of nighttime rest, relaxation and sleep
* always keep your sense of humor

Good luck!

This is a really good list and should be a poster for most of us SN moms.

This is a good list. Also, does he get his homework in advance. Maybe try doing homework for 15 minutes before school. Before he is tired and has 1000 other things he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh - everyone stop with the IQ. OP probably mentioned it for the same reason anyone would mention it- to show that grasping the concepts in the homework is not the likely issue.

What is the defensiveness around IQ? If it's so utterly irrelevant to functioning, why is part of a neuropsych?

IQ can absolutely be part of the issue when there are special needs--the emotional and social development is often so far out of sync with intellectual functioning that it leads to struggles.

[Anonymous]

Has he had any tests beyond IQ testing? If not, it's time for a full neuropsych evaluation.

Is he in middle or high school? What age?

If he is failing 4 subjects in high school then you need to get to the bottom of why he isn't doing his homework ASAP.

[Anonymous]

We all must acclimate and do things we don't enjoy sometimes. No homework done equals no tv, electronics or wifi pass word. Period.
No pain, no gain. If he doesn't learn that he has non- negotiable responsibilities now, he'll never maintain a job,
Can he tell a boss, "ya, I don't want to do x part of my job"?

[Anonymous]

Most kids (99.9%) don't like doing HW. Duh.

[Anonymous]

I will concede that OP has not provided enough info. We are all speculating as to what's going on here.

Could this be your basic adolescent achievement dropoff? It's pretty common for NT kids to go through a period of resistance to hw and classwork. If that's a possibility, you look to set a baseline: what did your student show himself capable of achieving before the drop in grades? You brainstorm with your kid and his teachers to create steps to get your student back on track. Some possibilities: a tutor, study hall at school if it's available, a set hw time at home with all distractions eliminated. You are likely to get better results if you make your kid a partner in the process of coming up with a plan.

Could this be executive functioning weakness? That's a problem that is not limited to special needs kids, of course, but it's one about which the parents on this board are especially knowledgeable. Here, working with your student to set up organizational structures, habits for initiating tasks and breaking work into its component elements, and ways to track and submit work are what's needed.

Could this be anxiety, depression, or other behavioral health challenges? For kids with mental health issues, hw is often a problem; just getting through the school day is exhausting. When his depression is at its most severe, my DC has been known to bail on hw--and class work as well. It has taken a group effort--parents, teachers, therapeutic team, and student--to get things moving in a better direction, and the progress is slow and incremental. If mental health issues are a possibility, you should be working with mental health professionals to develop a treatment plan. If you are looking at a long-term condition, you should be working on getting an IEP for ED.

Could this be ADHD or other learning disabilities? Your DC's teachers might have given you some indications that these were possibilities, or you might have an actual dx--you haven't said either way. Some modification to the hw load can be helpful as you work with your kid to build good work habits, and you will also need to work on executive functioning skills.

You might want to ask the question that teachers do: what FUNCTION does the hw refusal serve? Is it a gesture of rebellion against parent expectations? Is it a sign that your DC is overwhelmed by work demands? It is a visible symptom of other difficulties in daily functioning?

[Anonymous]

My DD has a normal IQ, but has a very hard time with homework due to ADHD issues and executive functioning, getting started and keeping focused is very difficult to the default is "refusing" to do work... or doing it painfully slowly. The oppositional side comes out, which then increases resistance (and our conflict). OP, have you had him tested for any focus/sensory/etc issues that may impact his "ability" to do homework?

I have tried many penalty/reward systems to little effect, so I can emphasize with your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a normal IQ, but has a very hard time with homework due to ADHD issues and executive functioning, getting started and keeping focused is very difficult to the default is "refusing" to do work... or doing it painfully slowly. The oppositional side comes out, which then increases resistance (and our conflict). OP, have you had him tested for any focus/sensory/etc issues that may impact his "ability" to do homework?

I have tried many penalty/reward systems to little effect, so I can emphasize with your situation.

Have you tried medication?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First things first, drop the IQ talk. Your kid has issues, and IQ is irrelevant from here on out, because it's not the limiting factor. Also, at that age, IQ tests are famously unreliable, and speak more to home environment than inate ability. Either way, it doesn't matter. You have a discipline issue on your hands. Good luck.

At what age? OP didn't even mention her son's age. Your true colors are showing and your chip on the shoulder about IQ is quite obvious.

[Anonymous]

What about consequences for not doing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a normal IQ, but has a very hard time with homework due to ADHD issues and executive functioning, getting started and keeping focused is very difficult to the default is "refusing" to do work... or doing it painfully slowly. The oppositional side comes out, which then increases resistance (and our conflict). OP, have you had him tested for any focus/sensory/etc issues that may impact his "ability" to do homework?

I have tried many penalty/reward systems to little effect, so I can emphasize with your situation.

Have you tried medication?

Currently medicated... when we increase the dosage the side effects outweigh the benefits