egg donor- relative wants me to be an egg donor and i have mixed feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is unimaginably hard. I feel the same way you do about my eggs, OP. But I think I would do this for my sister. Yes there are health risks but no more than donating a kidney and I'd do that for her as well. But I have a very special relationship with my sister (not so great childhood, both parents gone, few close relatives) and I feel her pain like it was my own. I would absolutely to raise "my" child and in fact she will be raising my children if anything ever happens to DH and me. You have to search your souls and figure out what's best for you, but are you sure your relationship with your sister will withstand your saying no?

Obviously if you really felt the same way as the OP, you wouldn't be trying to talk her out of her decision. Jerk.

[Anonymous]

sorry guys...I am so curious to know how much do you have to pay to have the eggs donor?

[Anonymous]

OP you asked how to tell your sister - the answer is completely clearly ( do not leave her with any sense you will change your mind). You will not be able to make her understand. Rightly or wrongly the only thing she is going to hear is that could give her what she wants most and only you could provide, and are choosing not to. Top that with the double whammy of you already having biological children and her never being able to -- she will either get over it or she won't, but there is nothing you can do to soften this particular blow. There is no good way to be told "You will never have biological children" and sadly you are in the position of bearing that news. I'm sorry but the only thing you can do is not string her along.

[Anonymous]

I join the other PPs who are releasing you from any guilt you might feel.

Her approach is unreasonable and her logic of wanting a genetic link is a bit forced. Why should you function as the magic bullet, the answer to everything? That's simply a ridiculous and unwarranted amount of pressure. Besides, there are loads of viable alternatives out there.

The response that your love for her would just have to be enough to surmount your (legitimate!) concerns put me over the edge. It was cruel of her. This is NOT your responsibility.

Follow your conscience. Stick with the "no." You have a gang of anonymous DCUMers behind you.

[Anonymous]

Another DCUMer on your side. Sit her down and have a calm discussion. You have every right to feel the way you do. It is horribly unfair of your sister to put so much pressure on you.

I can tell you right now that if my sister asked the same of me, I know 100% I'd say no. I completely understand why you feel the way you do about your eggs.

You aren't being cruel by suggesting she look for other options.

[Anonymous]

You all do realize that the original post was from 2/2008? It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation but I imagine the OP has come to terms with her decision by now.

[Anonymous]

your egg and your BIL's sperm

way too creepy for me . . .

[Anonymous]

I actually wanted to donate eggs anonymously but my husband was incredibly opposed to it. He has said that he would never be a sperm donor because he didn't like the thought that he had a child out there that he knew nothing about. I think that he felt the same way about my eggs! I don't feel that way at all and I will donate eggs once I can get him to relax a bit. I'm pretty sure that I'm still young enough to donate and I'm no longer having children (I have one) and my husband had a vasectomy. I've always wanted to be able to help couples who can't concieve. My sister actually took it a step further and asked me to a surrogate mother to a child for her! She already has 3 kids that she doesn't (and never has) taken care of. I said no to her.

[Anonymous]

That baby would be half "yours". I would be very uncomfortable with that. A random donor would be best for all. Seems a bit thoughtless that your relative would ask this.

[Anonymous]

I understand your sister asking you - having had problems trying to get pregnant. But, once you said "no" (if you truly outlined your feelings why), she should have understood and moved on. It's hard when you're trying to get pregnant to be rational - and think rational when you think you have the answer in front of you, but you need to stand your ground. And, to be honest, she may not get pregnant even with your eggs and there maybe frustrations etc.

Are they going to create multiple embryos and store them? Will you have a right to say what happens to the unsued embryos (as they are technically "your children"). Do you know if she would have them destroyed if she didn't use them? Could you live with that?

I'm just throwing things out there for you to consider.

[Anonymous]

Your sister needs to get some counseling about her fertility and the grief she is feeling. I am an adoptive mom and I had a lot of sadness about not having someone who looked like me. But it is your sister who needs to get over it and not pressure you to do something you are uncomfortable doing. Perhaps you could help her to get some counseling so she can focus on her own sadness and not drag you into the picture.

I would definitely not do something you feel uncomfortable with. Giving her eggs may "fix" her problem, but maybe not, but it will cause you problems.

[Anonymous]

I know this post is old, but another suggestion I have is for anyone considering donating eggs to talk to a counselor who specializes in fertility issues. They may really be able to help you shape how you think about things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are aware that you are basically telling your sister that genes do not matter for her. Therefore why would she want to have a relationship with you since the only thing that binds you is genetics.

You do understand that the bible even talks about traditional surrogacy so that you do not leave your siblings barren.

You do not have to do shots anymore since IVM - which has been perfected at McGill in Canada can extract eggs and mature them in vitro without hormones.

?? what does your bible have do do here?? you are judgmental and as far as I know your bible doesn't like that either...

I agree. Religion should not even be a factor in this discussion. Shame on you for making the OP feel worse! You are not being helpful at all.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP, if either of my sisters asked me to do this for them I would also say no-absolutely not-end of discussion, for pretty much the same reason you have stated.

[Anonymous]

I used an an anonymous egg donor and really it could not matter any less. While I know that eventually I'll have some explaining to do, this child is 100% mine. I think your sister needs some counseling to figure out why the genes are so important to her. FWIW we chose a donor with similar physical characteristics because I thought it would be easier on our child.