Interfaith couples & kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something's gotta give.

I'm catholic and DH is Jewish. I went to catholic school, and it was important to me to have our kids officially raised catholic. DH is more culturally Jewish and hasn't gone to temple regularly since shortly after his bar mitzvah.

Our kids go to ccd. We have an interfaith home in terms of exposure to both faiths and culture. We observe both Christian and Jewish holidays. Christmas tree and menorah.

We've been together for 20 years, and it works for us.

This is really the only way it works. Someone has to give in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame you don't have a better outlet for your boredom/anger/isolation than trolling on a mom's chat board.

What a pity you can't get beyond 1950 with your "mom"

Religion does subjugate women - so . . . not a surprise.

Some religion subjugates women, that true, but not all - some have women clergy and girl altar servers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure whether to put this under relationships or religion, but I'll start out here. For the interfaith couples who two who genuinely believe and are members of different faiths (rather than couples with one person who genuinely believes & the other is of another faith in name only, but happily concedes all family religious matters to the more devout spouse), what have you agreed vis a vis the kids and how is that working out? We have an agreement that allows us both to fulfill our religious and ethical duties to our children, but its implementation in practical matters is obviously challenging at times - and it would be helpful to hear how others are navigating this. How do you determine family-wide traditions on holidays that are specific to one faith and not the other? How do you navigate choosing a school? Who gets to instruct your children on matters of religion aside from parents and clergy? If your collective social circle balances heavily more towards more one community than the other, what, if anything, do you do about that?

Thanks!

ps - divorce isn't of interest to either of us. We're in love and happy and just looking for more ideas to consider in how to balance the needs of all.

Dragging the kids to both services every week would be one way to turn them off on both religions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something's gotta give.

I'm catholic and DH is Jewish. I went to catholic school, and it was important to me to have our kids officially raised catholic. DH is more culturally Jewish and hasn't gone to temple regularly since shortly after his bar mitzvah.

Our kids go to ccd. We have an interfaith home in terms of exposure to both faiths and culture. We observe both Christian and Jewish holidays. Christmas tree and menorah.

We've been together for 20 years, and it works for us.

bc your husband isn't a religious Jew and he's letting you rule in that arena

That's why it works.

not a difficult situation to comprehend . . .

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure whether to put this under relationships or religion, but I'll start out here. For the interfaith couples who two who genuinely believe and are members of different faiths (rather than couples with one person who genuinely believes & the other is of another faith in name only, but happily concedes all family religious matters to the more devout spouse), what have you agreed vis a vis the kids and how is that working out? We have an agreement that allows us both to fulfill our religious and ethical duties to our children, but its implementation in practical matters is obviously challenging at times - and it would be helpful to hear how others are navigating this. How do you determine family-wide traditions on holidays that are specific to one faith and not the other? How do you navigate choosing a school? Who gets to instruct your children on matters of religion aside from parents and clergy? If your collective social circle balances heavily more towards more one community than the other, what, if anything, do you do about that?

Thanks!

ps - divorce isn't of interest to either of us. We're in love and happy and just looking for more ideas to consider in how to balance the needs of all.

Dragging the kids to both services every week would be one way to turn them off on both religions.

The adults who I know who were raised in interfaith homes are atheist. Both mom and dad are unhappy. I think it's a recipe for disaster UNLESS you as a couple choose one faith in which you will raise your kids. Someone has to concede, even if s/he doesn't convert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Merry Chrismukkah! We do both Christmas and Hannukah, both very light. Same with Passover and Easter. He celebrates Yom Kippur and the kids observe with him. I appreciate that Jesus is the link between both of our faith traditions and embrace them.

The kids will ultimately choose their own faith or none of the above, but the point of family is love. We give them that.

My philosophy is this: relax. It'll all work out.

We are very similar. I find that it bothers my (Methodist) mom way more than my Jewish inlaws. I don't think it could have worked if either of us were very active in our religions. Our kids go to Methodist preschool and the corresponding summer camps. We do not regularly attend any services. We do attend High Holiday, Hannukah and Passover dinners at my inlaws, in addition to celebrating C&E. My kids (7&4) do not yet know that religions are mutually exclusive. The don't know they can't be Christian AND Jewish. Not sure when or how that will come up.

[Anonymous]

DH is Catholic, I am Protestant. Seems close to outsiders, it's not close to us. He's agreed to let me raise children Protestant. Even both being Christian, it wouldn't work to raise them in both faiths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is Catholic, I am Protestant. Seems close to outsiders, it's not close to us. He's agreed to let me raise children Protestant. Even both being Christian, it wouldn't work to raise them in both faiths.

You're just generically Protestant?

[Anonymous]

But, for the Jewish/Catholic couple, you guys are only divided by the divinity of Jesus, right? Depending on the orientation of your faith, I don't see a problem here.

I was raised in a household like this. Each parent had a social justice foundation to their respective religion. The Catholic Church was huge in the area where my father grew up as it related to the Civil Rights Movement. My mom's parents were activists in their Jewish community. They share the same beliefs, different texts and holidays.

Sibs and I are fluent in each, attend services at church and temple, celebrate whichever holiday works that year...and, I guess most importantly, find solace and strength in each faith.

My experience may be outside the norm, but it certainly worked for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is Catholic, I am Protestant. Seems close to outsiders, it's not close to us. He's agreed to let me raise children Protestant. Even both being Christian, it wouldn't work to raise them in both faiths.

You're just generically Protestant?

Of course not, but the denomination didn't seem relevant.