Interfaith couples & kids

[Anonymous]

Atheist(ish) husband with Christian (non-denominational) wife. It's not always easy because there's a natural conflict. But we both respect each other, and have so far been able to work things out. General philosophy is to raise the kids to be critical thinkers and make their own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Atheist(ish) husband with Christian (non-denominational) wife. It's not always easy because there's a natural conflict. But we both respect each other, and have so far been able to work things out. General philosophy is to raise the kids to be critical thinkers and make their own decisions.

That works fine as long as the atheist parent doesn't exclude faithful people from critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Atheist(ish) husband with Christian (non-denominational) wife. It's not always easy because there's a natural conflict. But we both respect each other, and have so far been able to work things out. General philosophy is to raise the kids to be critical thinkers and make their own decisions.

That works fine as long as the atheist parent doesn't exclude faithful people from critical thinking.

Presumably the atheist parent wouldn't not have married someone deemed incapable of critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Atheist(ish) husband with Christian (non-denominational) wife. It's not always easy because there's a natural conflict. But we both respect each other, and have so far been able to work things out. General philosophy is to raise the kids to be critical thinkers and make their own decisions.

That works fine as long as the atheist parent doesn't exclude faithful people from critical thinking.

That's me, and no, I don't exclude faithful people from critical thinking (?!). I see a pretty clear difference between faith & science / observation / critical thinking - the two are not exclusive.

I'm more of a Neil deGrasse Tyson type than Richard Dawkins type...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a Jewish atheist and I am protestant Christian (non-evangelical). I am more of a believer than he is, but pretty liberal in my understanding of things. We both feel very attached to the cultural aspects of our respective religions.

We've decided to embrace both traditions, while steering discussion of the faith aspects toward the commonality in our faiths: God rather than Jesus. I do talk to my kids about Jesus but describe him as an important teacher who helped people learn new ways of thinking about God. We have decided not to enroll the kids in church- or synagogue-based education. We do plan to have some sort of coming of age ceremony/party and hope to find a private tutor who can help the kids read both old and new testament and study the two sides of their heritage in a way that focuses on similarities, differences, moral obligations, and ways of grappling intellectually with the more challenging aspects of having two religious traditions. We may look to the Interfaith Families Project for help with this when the kids get a bit older.

There is a psychotherapist in DC who is also a Rabbi and specializes in working with interfaith couples: Dr. Blecher. We worked with him prior to marriage and found the experience both harmful and helpful. I would recommend meeting with him, but don't be surprised if it polarizes you (at least for a while) and don't expect to figure out a neat framework for living with two faiths within a couple of months of sessions. I found him mostly helpful in that he could articulate all the dimensions of religion where tensions arise (faith, community, identity,ritual, etc.). This allowed us to recognize that we could harmonize the two traditions in some dimensions but needed to consciously gloss over the conflict in other dimensions (faith) in order to make our arrangement work.

This sounds interesting and respectful to both sides. I think it must be hard for many people to feel like they are giving something up when trying to raise kids in 2 faiths. I know my ex had a tough time with this - but as a general rule he didn't really get the "compromise" concept. Despite the many conversations we had on the subject he banned Christmas trees and pushed traditional Hebrew school and Bar Mitzvahs. He became increasingly disgusted with me for not being Jewish ... There was definitely non"deferring to the wife" in our house. Ever.
Too bad we didn't know of dr blecher at the time. Sounds like this therapist is a realist, at least that is implied by your post. Glad things worked out for you - you must both be reasonable people!

[Anonymous]

What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame that you feel the need to mock people who believe differently than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame that you feel the need to mock people who believe differently than you do.

What a shame that you see stating a fact as mocking. There are many faithful, educated, scientifically-thinking sophisticated Christians who are quite aware that their religious beliefs are based on ancient myths

[Anonymous]

Op, you ask "how is it working out?" We should be asking YOU - Are you getting along now? Have some faith! Have some faith that through love and respect you will continue to make it work. It's faith, it's not a guarantee. Faith and the practice of one's faith, like other aspects of one's knowledge and opinions, may ebb and flow during your life together. It is of no use holding each other to promises/arrangements today which may not apply to how each of you feel years later. Again, have some faith that it'll all work out.

[Anonymous]

Merry Chrismukkah! We do both Christmas and Hannukah, both very light. Same with Passover and Easter. He celebrates Yom Kippur and the kids observe with him. I appreciate that Jesus is the link between both of our faith traditions and embrace them.

The kids will ultimately choose their own faith or none of the above, but the point of family is love. We give them that.

My philosophy is this: relax. It'll all work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame you don't have a better outlet for your boredom/anger/isolation than trolling on a mom's chat board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame you don't have a better outlet for your boredom/anger/isolation than trolling on a mom's chat board.

How odd that you think facts could interfere with faith. If that were the case, faith would have ended long ago. Instead, sincere mothers and fathers are trying to keep faith alive in their children, despite their different beliefs. They are working through this and it would be a shame, in my opinion, if they couldn't find a way to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame that you feel the need to mock people who believe differently than you do.

What a shame that you see stating a fact as mocking. There are many faithful, educated, scientifically-thinking sophisticated Christians who are quite aware that their religious beliefs are based on ancient myths

If they believe God and Jesus are myths, then they aren't Christians and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame that you feel the need to mock people who believe differently than you do.

What a shame that you see stating a fact as mocking. There are many faithful, educated, scientifically-thinking sophisticated Christians who are quite aware that their religious beliefs are based on ancient myths

If they believe God and Jesus are myths, then they aren't Christians and you know it.

Perhaps people with a fundamentalist view of Christianity wouldn't consider them Christians, but many Christians aren't so narrow and accept academic findings on the origins of Christianity ( and other religions) while still maintaining their faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a shame that beliefs based on ancient myths have to get in the way of raising a 21st century family

What a shame you don't have a better outlet for your boredom/anger/isolation than trolling on a mom's chat board.

What a pity you can't get beyond 1950 with your "mom"

Religion does subjugate women - so . . . not a surprise.