Auuuugh my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd love my MIL to come over with 5 dishes! Saves me time and energy from having to do everything myself. I don't see what the problem is OP

You're missing the point. The point is she didn't tell her and just showed up with tons of extra food. Op had already made enough food. AND all the food needed to be heated up but the other food was in the oven. So now OP's food is going to go cold and hers will be piping hot. Not to mention you spend time, money and energy into the menu and now half of what is made will go uneaten. It's wasteful and inconsiderate. Now if MIL had coordinated with OP that would be a totally different scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. For what it's worth, I served her dishes and gritted my teeth and made an extra effort to be kind to her. But I really appreciate the people who "get it" and empathized.

FWIW, Mac and cheese is not a traditional food in my DH's family. She brought it because she has heard that my DS is on a Mac and cheese kick lately and she wanted to bring him something that was his favorite. Since she knew I was cooking all day and she was asked to bring dessert, can you not see that it's an inconsiderate thing to do?

The history is, it's more than inconsiderate. It's controlling and usurping. But you'd sort of have to know MIL to know that. I'm just sick of it. They are here every Sunday and she could have brought the Mac and cheese any time, but she wanted to be the one who cooked what my DS ate yesterday.

My DH always just wants to go away, the 3 of us, on holidays because he can't deal with his family and because he wants to avoid any conflicts with his mom. I have always wanted holidays to be big extended family occasions but now that my parents and others are gone, I might just abandon the idea. DH doesn't enjoy his family and I see why. I don't enjoy them either. So I may just have to adjust what "holidays" now mean.

Please save this post for the future., and your curious why your son doesn't bring his gfs around and your dil thinks you all are miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. For what it's worth, I served her dishes and gritted my teeth and made an extra effort to be kind to her. But I really appreciate the people who "get it" and empathized.

FWIW, Mac and cheese is not a traditional food in my DH's family. She brought it because she has heard that my DS is on a Mac and cheese kick lately and she wanted to bring him something that was his favorite. Since she knew I was cooking all day and she was asked to bring dessert, can you not see that it's an inconsiderate thing to do?

The history is, it's more than inconsiderate. It's controlling and usurping. But you'd sort of have to know MIL to know that. I'm just sick of it. They are here every Sunday and she could have brought the Mac and cheese any time, but she wanted to be the one who cooked what my DS ate yesterday.

My DH always just wants to go away, the 3 of us, on holidays because he can't deal with his family and because he wants to avoid any conflicts with his mom. I have always wanted holidays to be big extended family occasions but now that my parents and others are gone, I might just abandon the idea. DH doesn't enjoy his family and I see why. I don't enjoy them either. So I may just have to adjust what "holidays" now mean.

Please save this post for the future., and your curious why your son doesn't bring his gfs around and your dil thinks you all are miserable.

BS. OP is totally justified in her feelings; MIL was trying to usurp and control.

[Anonymous]

MIL is clearly a control freak who was trying to passively-aggressively undermine OP.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to let you know that the ad I'm seeing at the bottom of the page is for gourmet macaroni and cheese.

[Anonymous]

Sympathy, OP. My husband can't stand his family -- whenever we see them, he goes into shut-down mode, and then is in a pissy mood for hours or days after they leave.
So glad we don't do T-giving with them now. Saw part of his family the day after, and it pretty well ruined his mood for that whole day.(And I brushed off the comments about how boring/suburban we are, and how weird our kids are.)

[Anonymous]

Stop having them over every Sunday! Why do you allow that? Curb the visits and go away for Thanksgiving and maybe she'll get the hint. But honestly if your husband isn't going to speak up for you, I would stick up for myself and say something about this past Thanksgiving and make it clear that you found her actions very rude. Who cares if this creates a riff? She was in the wrong, you don't care to see her that much, hubby wants to distance himself from his family and you hold the keys to the kingdom because you have her grandchild. Also, if you do stay in town next thanksgiving I would tell DH that he can do all the planning, cooking and hosting. I'm serious. What did he contribute to dinner and preparations this year?

[Anonymous]

I think I would say something like,"Joyce, did my husband leave you with the impression that Thankgivjng was a potluck? I said we were hosting, so I'm confused why you would bring so many items without coordinating with me. When you offered to contribute something, I suggested a dessert. Emily Post would not be pleased and truthfully, neither was I. I can't help but feel you were trying to undermine me in my own home. I can't imagine you would have been pleased if the roles were reversed. I suspect me saying these things to you will impact my future relationship with you but I feel it's important to take that risk and be honest with you. I'd rather clear the air so we can hopefully move forward and look forward to future celebrations as an extended family."

[Anonymous]

OP, what are your Christmas dinner plans?

I really think you need to shake up your Sunday tradition and tell your in laws that it no longer works for them to come over every Sunday.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. Unfortunately, I am SUCH a KLUTZ when I get flustered because someone throws off the game plan. I know for sure that I WOULD HAVE DROPPED THE MAC'N'CHEESE. Bummer! No way my kitchen floor is clean enough for MIL's standards. Poor Larlo would have missed her special treat.

[Anonymous]

Serve all her leftovers for Sunday dinner. Next week too since you have so much.

[Anonymous]

I just wouldn't have served her food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. For what it's worth, I served her dishes and gritted my teeth and made an extra effort to be kind to her. But I really appreciate the people who "get it" and empathized.

FWIW, Mac and cheese is not a traditional food in my DH's family. She brought it because she has heard that my DS is on a Mac and cheese kick lately and she wanted to bring him something that was his favorite. Since she knew I was cooking all day and she was asked to bring dessert, can you not see that it's an inconsiderate thing to do?

The history is, it's more than inconsiderate. It's controlling and usurping. But you'd sort of have to know MIL to know that. I'm just sick of it. They are here every Sunday and she could have brought the Mac and cheese any time, but she wanted to be the one who cooked what my DS ate yesterday.

My DH always just wants to go away, the 3 of us, on holidays because he can't deal with his family and because he wants to avoid any conflicts with his mom. I have always wanted holidays to be big extended family occasions but now that my parents and others are gone, I might just abandon the idea. DH doesn't enjoy his family and I see why. I don't enjoy them either. So I may just have to adjust what "holidays" now mean.

Please save this post for the future., and your curious why your son doesn't bring his gfs around and your dil thinks you all are miserable.

Oh, please. Once he's older, Op's kid will be able to figure out grandma in a heartbeat. Without going into my situation, my kids definitely understand their grandma and her limitations. They also understand that we are building traditions within our own nuclear family and it will expand once they grow up and have their own families. Of course, I would have loved to share holidays with a large extended family but that is not our situation and we deal with it the best we can.