Auuuugh my MIL

[Anonymous]

Hosting Thanksgiving, first time since my mother died. MIL and FIL coming. MIL has in the past basically Aiken over evens I have hosted by bringing literally 20 dishes of her own. I ask DH days ago to tell her that I will be cooking the meal, but if she really wants to bring something, she can bring a dessert or even be in charge of all the desserts.

After I'm cooking for 4 hours, she shows up with not only rolls and 5 side dishes, which of course all have to be heated up while I'm in the middle of finishing what I'm cooking, but she comes in the door telling my son she has made his favorite: Mac and cheese. He's 3. I've been talking up turkey and stuffing and potatoes and gravy for a week and now there's no way he's going to eat anything but macaroni. When I gently suggested that we save the macaroni till tomorrow (since he literally won't eat anything else on his plate of macaroni is an option, he started to have a meltdown.

DH won't say anything to his mom; doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Doesn't give a damn about mine apparently.

I'm so mad I want to drive away. I miss my own family so much. I can't fathom this rudeness.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I feel your pain and have no suggestions. It will be over soon.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, op. If this is a pattern with your dh, perhaps try counseling to get him to come around. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

macaroni and cheese. You're fit to be tired over mac and cheese.

Good Lord. Grow up. It's one time a year and you feel the need to power struggle with your MIL. How shameful.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. That sucks. I'm a DH whose mother can be "difficult" and I don't think even she would pull this sh*t. I've been accused by DW of deferring too much to my moms feelings as well, but this seems really over the top... What's done is done for this year though. What would make *me* more receptive to your feelings on this would be if you you (1) sucked it up for now and didn't turn it into a thing that ruins Thanskgiving and (2) calmly talk through how rude/annoying/hurtful this is after the fact. I suspect your DH will be more willing to check his mother next time if you make it the two of you against her crazy ass. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:macaroni and cheese. You're fit to be tired over mac and cheese.

Good Lord. Grow up. It's one time a year and you feel the need to power struggle with your MIL. How shameful.

Says the person with a normal family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:macaroni and cheese. You're fit to be tired over mac and cheese.

Good Lord. Grow up. It's one time a year and you feel the need to power struggle with your MIL. How shameful.

OP didn't start this power struggle, clearly.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP.

Mom died last year before Christmas.
MIL with kits of passive aggressive "helping."
MIL that wants to undermine what I am doing with the toddler.
Non-confrontational DH thay doesn't see it or won't deal.
One thing that helps me is to refuse to play the game, however I can.
Either don't care about mac n cheese, or, if you really do, let the melt down happen. "Thank you so much MIL, I'm sure he'll love it tomorrow when I don't feel like cooking. Sorry Larlo,it does look good but we are all eating a special holiday meal together today. Big smile.

[Anonymous]

You are in charge. It is your house.

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, her bringing all these extra dishes is irritating and I'm with you there. On the other hand, I think you're wasting your energy worrying about what the kid eats. Chill out on that and you'll be happier.

[Anonymous]

I'm never afraid of looking like the mean guy. Somehow, my kids love me anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the one hand, her bringing all these extra dishes is irritating and I'm with you there. On the other hand, I think you're wasting your energy worrying about what the kid eats. Chill out on that and you'll be happier.

+1 It's a holiday let the kid eat what he wants. He's 3 there will be plenty of Thanksgvings.

[Anonymous]

Don't heat up the dishes and let your husband deal with the toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:macaroni and cheese. You're fit to be tired over mac and cheese.

Good Lord. Grow up. It's one time a year and you feel the need to power struggle with your MIL. How shameful.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. That sucks. I'm a DH whose mother can be "difficult" and I don't think even she would pull this sh*t. I've been accused by DW of deferring too much to my moms feelings as well, but this seems really over the top... What's done is done for this year though. What would make *me* more receptive to your feelings on this would be if you you (1) sucked it up for now and didn't turn it into a thing that ruins Thanskgiving and (2) calmly talk through how rude/annoying/hurtful this is after the fact. I suspect your DH will be more willing to check his mother next time if you make it the two of you against her crazy ass. Good luck!

I think you should examine if your wife's opinion is valid.