When your spouse seems to have conflict with everyone

[Anonymous]

Wow. It looks like there is a pattern here. She has a large amount of anger inside her and unfortunately, she is lashing out at anyone and everyone, even young kids!

I am almost positive she is depressed OP, often times depression manifests itself as major anger.

The only way she can change her ways is if she puts aside some pride and sees a professional to get evaluated. Then hopefully she will get some good medication(s) to alleviate her anger issues.

I used to be like her, for a large amount of my life. Then I sought help for depression and got on some medication.

Life is so much bearable now without all the unnecessary anger I used to carry around. I am just glad that I sought assistance. Hopefully your wife can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my STBX-husband. If he's caught in an untruth he expertly pivots to a related issue and pretends that was his point all along. He will scream at me to stop yelling when I'm calmly saying something he doesn't want to hear. He will break into a phone call I'm having with a friend to challenge what I'm saying. Any time he has had a woman colleague he had to work with, he's gotten fired from that job. He cuts off my sentences to argue about how I'm conducting myself in the argument. Since I'm loath to argue and prefer to go away and cool off, he follows me around yelling at me. I'm so sorry I stayed as long as I did for the sake of the children (but it would have been nearly as bad anyway since we would have been in constant contact about the kids.)

I hope you don't have joint custody with this jerk. My SIL did and he made their lives a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. It looks like there is a pattern here. She has a large amount of anger inside her and unfortunately, she is lashing out at anyone and everyone, even young kids!

I am almost positive she is depressed OP, often times depression manifests itself as major anger.

The only way she can change her ways is if she puts aside some pride and sees a professional to get evaluated. Then hopefully she will get some good medication(s) to alleviate her anger issues.

I used to be like her, for a large amount of my life. Then I sought help for depression and got on some medication.

Life is so much bearable now without all the unnecessary anger I used to carry around. I am just glad that I sought assistance. Hopefully your wife can too.

+1. My mother had an abusive and critical single mother and stepfather. She used to be passive with my father until we were older and then became depressed, critical and verbally abusive. I think it would have taken a loving and understanding spouse, anti-depressants and long-term therapy to break the cycle for her.

[Anonymous]

Before reading others' responses, I also thought your wife might have BPD. It's basically a form of PTSD. Did she have a really crappy childhood? I used to have a friend who I have no doubt was BPD. She would have some kind of crisis about every other month and implode at least one of her friendships. It's a form of self-protection. They leave you before you get the chance to abandon them. I feel for your children. It must be painful growing up with this kind of drama.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my mother. She's alienated her mother, her siblings, her in-laws, her co-workers, most of her friends... Def BPD.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely borderline, my ex wife has it. You'll never get her into therapy because she'll never believe she has the problem.

Get yourself into therapy with someone who can give you concrete strategies for how to survive this. Read "Stop walking on eggshells".

Good luck OP, been there and done that.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound as much like BPD or bipolar as it does your own simple description, OP: angry and deeply insecure with a bad temper. The PP who said "serious social dysfunction" is correct. Was she bullied or unpopular when she was younger? Those groups tend to be hypersensitive to perceiving slights and prone to idealizing -- then demonizing/rejecting -- others before they can do the same to her.

She can't keep friends because she simply doesn't know how, and she thinks people are insulting or making fun of her everywhere she goes. It is deep insecurity and probably pain. She needs therapy, or else yes, she will teach your kids by example to overreact and perceive negativity in others.

[Anonymous]

The wife might have *shade* of BPD, but I doubt she is full-blown - if she was, she wouldn't have been able to maintain a relationship with OP, and there would be many worse symptoms.

[Anonymous]

I knew someone like that and I know her child will suffer and grow up to be dysfunctional. Her husband has been beaten down by her and I doubt he has the strength to helps his child.

It will be tough, OP, but you need to do everything in your power to protect your children. They will be affected by this and may grow up to have the same dysfunction since they don't have a positive role model at home.

[Anonymous]

Yep, bipolar or BPD. This sounds just like my sister. I have no advice, just empathy.

[Anonymous]

I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you didn't notice the when you all were dating? Before you had kids?

A common trait of BPD is complete ideation at first. During “dating” a new partner may really feel the love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

What are you doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

What are you doing?

Individual therapy for now. Possibly a lawyer in 2019

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

What are you doing?

Individual therapy for now. Possibly a lawyer in 2019

Aww OP glad to hear the update! Please dont beat yourself up...I'm sure you were just trying to work things out for your kid/kids. Leave the past in the past and move forward. I'm proud of you- I stayed in an abusive relationship for way too long and I felt like an idiot. But I'm good now and you will be too. Start on your healing journey.