Help Me bond with stepdaughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thank you all for your thoughts. I am not going to step back so she can have alone time with my husband but I will include her in our family activities. We do have two other children together and my husband is an amazing dad to our kids. He takes care of them, usa very loving and present dad and our children adore him.

Wow, you are one sick bitch. You do realize that he was her father before he was your husband, and that he will always be her one and only father? Husbands and wives can come and go (as you know
from experience), but parents and children are forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my dad's wife. I hate her and will NEVER forgive her for creating a distance between my dad and I: she, like you, did it for selfish reasons, to make life easier for her. This is likely (understandably) how your step daughter feels if you indeed "put a stop" to her coming to your/her dad's house for years.

You are a terrible, selfish person, but your husband is a terrible father, so I guess you deserve each other. I wish you nothing but ill, and I hope you have a crappy Christmas, as your step daughter likely had all those years when you wouldn't let her go to her dad's house.

+1000

Oh my gosh this makes me sad op. I came here to help you but I just can't. Maybe first try to find love in your heart.

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible for of the children involved and n this mess, you and your husband deserve each day other.

[Anonymous]

I'm an adult child of divorce with 2 step parents and nasty family dynamics. And OPs statements brought tears to your eyes. OP, you can't begin to fathom the damage you have done here, or how brave your SD is to reach out to her father. Like the rest of DCUM (which never agrees on anything, until now) I say back the he** off and encourage your DH to spend as much time alone with his daughter as possible. Not allow, encourage. It's the least you owe them. And get counseling. There is something seriously wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you are truly awful not to allow him to have alone time with his DD. How can you live with yourself? If there is a hell...

And your DH has no balls.

Hopefully you're not real.

[Anonymous]

I sincerely hope OP is a troll.
This is shaking my faith in people. Bitchy stepmom, gutless dad and kid pays the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thank you all for your thoughts. I am not going to step back so she can have alone time with my husband but I will include her in our family activities. We do have two other children together and my husband is an amazing dad to our kids. He takes care of them, usa very loving and present dad and our children adore him.

Wow, you are one sick bitch. You do realize that he was her father before he was your husband, and that he will always be her one and only father? Husbands and wives can come and go (as you know
from experience), but parents and children are forever.

I wanted to write something helpful, but can't. You're just an awful, awful person, and I sincerely hope that karma gets you for doing this. How selfish can one person possibly be?

Oh, here's some advice: Stay the f**k away from them so they can have a relationship of some sort since you ruined the one they had. And your husband is a spineless dick.

[Anonymous]

You say your DH didn't have a good childhood what swamp did you crawl out of ? Your hatred of this CHILD is truly astounding. I hope to god you're a troll.
I also don't see how you can view your DH as a good father and husband. Good fathers don't abandon their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 17 year old step daughter. I married my husband when she was 6 and because of her mother being really mean to me and almost breaking up our marriage I put a stop to step daughter coming to our house. We have seen her less than 10 times int he last 11 years. She has now asked to be in my husbands life and I am trying to find a way to bond with her so we can do family vacations or just have her come to our home. She is s sweet girl but can be a brat sometimes. I hate to admit this and wish I could change it but I don't feel love toward her and wouldn't care if she were not in our lives but I know that DH wants her to be apart of our family. DH has not known is dad and his mother hasn't been a good mother so he had not learned how to be a good father. I always thought if he didn't feel that strong love for his daughter it would be best for her that she stay away. My tune has changed a little since she wants to have a relationship with our family. Please no snark! I know I am cold and don't have much empathy about this situation but this is why I am on her asking for help. I want to remedy this situation.

I'm having a LOT of trouble getting past this.

~also a stepmom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has OP held a gun to her husband's head for the past 11 years? If not, then he bears the blame for not making time for his daughter the past 11 years.

This. I am mostly appalled by you DH who allowed himself to be pushed out of his kid's life. OP, you are a hateful, spiteful person. But DH is to blame as well.

Pathetic.

Or a troll, can't decide which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 17 year old step daughter. I married my husband when she was 6 and because of her mother being really mean to me and almost breaking up our marriage I put a stop to step daughter coming to our house. We have seen her less than 10 times int he last 11 years. She has now asked to be in my husbands life and I am trying to find a way to bond with her so we can do family vacations or just have her come to our home. She is s sweet girl but can be a brat sometimes. I hate to admit this and wish I could change it but I don't feel love toward her and wouldn't care if she were not in our lives but I know that DH wants her to be apart of our family. DH has not known is dad and his mother hasn't been a good mother so he had not learned how to be a good father. I always thought if he didn't feel that strong love for his daughter it would be best for her that she stay away. My tune has changed a little since she wants to have a relationship with our family. Please no snark! I know I am cold and don't have much empathy about this situation but this is why I am on her asking for help. I want to remedy this situation.

I also tried to come up with some constructive suggestions for the OP. The best I can do is this:

Because of your own insecurity, you forced this man to not have a relationship with his child. It has nothing to do with whether you believed he loved her or not - that's something you tell yourself so that you don't have to recognize what you did. When an ex interferes, I know it is frustrating from personal experience, but the appropriate response is not to ban a child. The 11 years between 6 and 17 are years in which I'm sure that girl could have used support and love from her father. I'm sure she probably would've enjoyed having a relationship with her father's wife as well, though given everything else you've posted, she's not missing much in the way of support and love from you.

As for now, I would not blame her in the slightest if she didn't want anything to do with you - the person who ruined her relationship with her father - and am surprised that she is interested in having a relationship with her father. But since she does, the only thing that is appropriate for you to do is apologize for how you have treated her in the past and then BACK OFF. It is not your place to police your husband's relationship with his daughter. You do not get to dictate the terms and conditions of when and how he can see her. If he wants to spend time with her alone, that is not something that you get to veto. If he wants to include her in family plans and you are anything other than warm and gracious, you deserve any negative consequences that occur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has OP held a gun to her husband's head for the past 11 years? If not, then he bears the blame for not making time for his daughter the past 11 years.

This. I am mostly appalled by you DH who allowed himself to be pushed out of his kid's life. OP, you are a hateful, spiteful person. But DH is to blame as well.

Pathetic.

Or a troll, can't decide which.

Which is worse, shit or manure? They are both horrible people banishing a child. I hope their kids together turn out better than them and try to connect with their older sister some time in the future.

[Anonymous]

You are really a terrible person for separating a child from her father. But he let you do it, so I can only assume he's an equally horrible person. Personally I think the daughter would be better off without either of you. Both of you owe her an apology.

And you have some nerve calling her brat. Sounds like you're the one who is a brat. At least she's a child. What's your excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thank you all for your thoughts. I am not going to step back so she can have alone time with my husband but I will include her in our family activities. We do have two other children together and my husband is an amazing dad to our kids. He takes care of them, usa very loving and present dad and our children adore him.

Did anyone else notice in her original message she says; "DH has not known is dad and his mother hasn't been a good mother so he had not learned how to be a good father.."

Yet in her reply here all of a sudden he is an amazing dad.

This is just so sad. All of it. My heart breaks for his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thank you all for your thoughts. I am not going to step back so she can have alone time with my husband but I will include her in our family activities. We do have two other children together and my husband is an amazing dad to our kids. He takes care of them, usa very loving and present dad and our children adore him.

Did anyone else notice in her original message she says; "DH has not known is dad and his mother hasn't been a good mother so he had not learned how to be a good father.."

Yet in her reply here all of a sudden he is an amazing dad.

This is just so sad. All of it. My heart breaks for his daughter.

These were the details that made the think it's a troll.