Reply to Help Me bond with stepdaughter!

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Help Me bond with stepdaughter!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 17 year old step daughter. I married my husband when she was 6 and because of her mother being really mean to me and almost breaking up our marriage I put a stop to step daughter coming to our house. We have seen her less than 10 times int he last 11 years. She has now asked to be in my husbands life and I am trying to find a way to bond with her so we can do family vacations or just have her come to our home. She is s sweet girl but can be a brat sometimes. I hate to admit this and wish I could change it but I don't feel love toward her and wouldn't care if she were not in our lives but I know that DH wants her to be apart of our family. DH has not known is dad and his mother hasn't been a good mother so he had not learned how to be a good father. I always thought if he didn't feel that strong love for his daughter it would be best for her that she stay away. My tune has changed a little since she wants to have a relationship with our family. Please no snark! I know I am cold and don't have much empathy about this situation but this is why I am on her asking for help. I want to remedy this situation.[/quote]

I also tried to come up with some constructive suggestions for the OP. The best I can do is this:

Because of your own insecurity, you forced this man to not have a relationship with his child. It has nothing to do with whether you believed he loved her or not - that's something you tell yourself so that you don't have to recognize what you did. When an ex interferes, I know it is frustrating from personal experience, but the appropriate response is not to ban a child. The 11 years between 6 and 17 are years in which I'm sure that girl could have used support and love from her father. I'm sure she probably would've enjoyed having a relationship with her father's wife as well, though given everything else you've posted, she's not missing much in the way of support and love from you.

As for now, I would not blame her in the slightest if she didn't want anything to do with you - the person who ruined her relationship with her father - and am surprised that she is interested in having a relationship with her father. But since she does, the only thing that is appropriate for you to do is apologize for how you have treated her in the past and then BACK OFF. It is not your place to police your husband's relationship with his daughter. You do not get to dictate the terms and conditions of when and how he can see her. If he wants to spend time with her alone, that is not something that you get to veto. If he wants to include her in family plans and you are anything other than warm and gracious, you deserve any negative consequences that occur.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics