Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?

[Anonymous]

It's rude to give a wish list unless they ask for one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rude to give a wish list unless they ask for one.

I agree with this but I also think its wasteful to end up returning a bunch of crap that nobody wanted for a couple years. We ended up having a conversation with both our parents, everyone agreed to scale back the volume/expense of the presents, and exchange a short list of things we like. I'm pretty sure my ILs never would have known which GoT books to pick up for me and I never would have known what to get my FIL.

I guess we're just more pragmatic. After a few years of Sushi-scented Yankee Candles, why would you let your ILs continue to waste their money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.

Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.

Unless she's asking for pricey gifts, OP, isn't it just possible that your financially comfortable MIL sends these lists because she wants to ensure that her "kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc." don't spend too much on her? This might be, to her way of thinking, a method to ensure that her kids who have a lot of financial obligations aren't floundering as they try to decide what to get her and end up spending more than they should. I know that one reason my mom made gift suggestions for herself at times (never a list, though) was because she wanted to be sure we didn't go out and spend much on her.

You could give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe her lists are intended to help her more cash-strapped adult kids, not grub presents from them for her comfy retirement. Maybe lists are never polite, period, but it might be a sincere if misguided effort on her part to do the right thing, even if it backfires where you're concerned.

PP here. Nope. She is grubby and the list is grubby. Last time I saw her, DH complimented her shoes. Her snappy response: "Your sister bought them for me. When's the last time you bought me anything?"

This is horrid.

My MIL isn't quite this bad- but close. So I feel your pain, OP of this story.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rude to give a wish list unless they ask for one.

I agree with this but I also think its wasteful to end up returning a bunch of crap that nobody wanted for a couple years. We ended up having a conversation with both our parents, everyone agreed to scale back the volume/expense of the presents, and exchange a short list of things we like. I'm pretty sure my ILs never would have known which GoT books to pick up for me and I never would have known what to get my FIL.

I guess we're just more pragmatic. After a few years of Sushi-scented Yankee Candles, why would you let your ILs continue to waste their money?

You may have tried this, but MIL would send me random stuff.

WHen I asked why the battery pack for my brand new car, or why insect repellant strips when we don't camp....
She explained in a long way about how she saw these as ways to protect my kids (from being stranded on the roadside, or from West Nile Virus...) she her health issues made it hard for her to go out and shop. She was limited to QVC and the drug store.

She also sent things so I'd call and ask her about it. She wanted the time and conversation.
On the one hand it felt like I was being judged, but when I was feeling more emapathy, I realized she needed to express herself more than my kids needed the #1 thing on their list.

Sometimes I would buy something for my kid and talk to her about it, and say, "Can I make this from you? He really was excited about it and I need to be stern because he doesn't need it. Can I make you the "good cop" here?" She appreciated that.

[Anonymous]

My sister gave me an unsolicited list for her kids. This kind of hurt my feelings since I thought I always got them cool things (they're toddlers). In the end I guess it's better to get them things they want/need but I would never give her a list for my son. He/we are grateful for anything he receives.