Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?

[Anonymous]

My inlaws don't ask for ideas for christmas gifts. As a result we get really random presents, things that MIL just picks up somewhere, but she also spends a lot of money. This isn't really a big deal to me, but seems kind of odd that they wouldn't even ask for input. I have thought about just dropping them a casual email like, if you need ideas here is junior's wishlist on amazon. Or if you need ideas DH mentioned he'd love a great bottle of wine this year... Is that too rude or pushy? Just seems a waste for her to spend $200 per person on things we don't need/want. Worse of all is that my kids open their gifts, give a polite thank you, and look a little bored. Then both FIL and MIL are disappointed that they aren't gushing over their gift. FIL even blames MIL sometimes like "we should have asked DIL..."

[Anonymous]

It is beyond rude.

[Anonymous]

On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.

Same here!

[Anonymous]

It has to be super subtle. She asks how you all are doing, you say, "the kids are getting excited about Christmas, going through all the toy catalogs as they arrive!" That's their opening to ask for ideas. If they don't bite, you say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has to be super subtle. She asks how you all are doing, you say, "the kids are getting excited about Christmas, going through all the toy catalogs as they arrive!" That's their opening to ask for ideas. If they don't bite, you say nothing.

This is good advice. You NEVER just send out lists without someone asking for them. That's just tacky.

At the end of the day, they are gifts. Sometimes they're good, sometimes, not so much. You smile and say thank you, and throw it in the Goodwill pile if you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Extremely tacky and rude, OP. The gift giver chooses what they want to give, period. Unless they ask for input, do not provide!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extremely tacky and rude, OP. The gift giver chooses what they want to give, period. Unless they ask for input, do not provide!!

+1

[Anonymous]

In the same boat and very frustrated. To make it worse my mil gives totally developmentally incorrect toys to them. She Gave my then three year a sleep sheep to attach to his nonexistent crib and when he was a newborn gave him 3d dinosaur puzzles. She gave me 3T clothes for my baby girl (born well after the sleep sheep gift) when she was a newborn and gave my 5 year old 12 month sweaters (it's so cute he can probably squeeze into it?). Very strange. At least goodwill gets nice things, but my inlaws are annoyed that we never use their gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely tacky and rude, OP. The gift giver chooses what they want to give, period. Unless they ask for input, do not provide!!

+1

+1. Never offer ideas unless asked. My SIL and I have now set up wish lists for our kids and shared the links with each other and with my mom. My mom pretty much ignores the list, although is generally a good gift-giver. My SIL use the gifts. Occasionally another family member might ask for ideas, and depending on the person I might say "Oh Larla loves princesses and crafty things" or I might direct them to the wish list which is fairly well-rounded in terms of toys, crafts, books, and prices. I started it for myself when DD was an infant and add things all year long so that I personally have ideas for Christmas and her birthday. It's an extra bonus that others benefit from it.

But I would NEVER send it to someone without them first asking.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully, both sets of our parents request wish lists for our kids and for us, and many of them have their own wish lists. It helps so much and everyone is happy! We are a family (well, both families) that buys lots of little gifts because that's fun for us. Most of our wish lists have so many things on them (with no expectation of getting them all) that we're surprised and pleased on xmas.

I believe it was their idea in the first place, possibly inspired by someone's Amazon wedding registry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.

Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to send them? Make the amazon wishlists and then just tell them they exist.

btw, our wishlists usually are for ideas not things. So we'll put that we'd like new pajamas or a new screwdriver, but don't care which one. You could put that your kids are interested in legos, supermen costumes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.

Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.

I don't think it's gross. You decide what you want to buy/spend. I think she's just trying to make sure that you aren't wasting your money on things she wouldn't like.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws and other family members specifically ask us to send them our wish lists. If they didn't ask, I wouldn't send them!