Uncomfortable with sister's request

[Anonymous]

OP here,
Sorry I didn't explain things well.
It's all happening in their home, she's going to have one of those kiddie pools.
She has a midwife,not sure about a doula, she mentioned it but don't know if she's decided on it.
She has said he's going to be in the pool with her. She's planning to be sitting on his lap to ease contractions. She wants me by her side.
As for nudity I'd say it's 100% likely she'll be naked and maybe 50/50 with him, they are both freespirit types and she has said she has had to remind him to get fully dressed before family visits.
I don't know if the same rules apply during L &D.

Maybe her midwife has a policy. I don't know/ Don't know much about homebirths in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you both lost your mother, then this is important to her. It's an honor to be asked to share in the birth experience of someone you love. Put away your preconceived notions and be there for HER. This is not about you.

This. I can't imagine how sad it would be go to through having your first child without your mom. Be there for her but I'd talk we here ahead of time about how they expect it to go, what kind of support you can offer.

When it comes down to it this is how I feel . I loved having our mom with me and being able to be their for our other sister. Push comes to shove I'll likely be there. I like the suggestion of talking with her midwife,.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,
Sorry I didn't explain things well.
It's all happening in their home, she's going to have one of those kiddie pools.
She has a midwife,not sure about a doula, she mentioned it but don't know if she's decided on it.
She has said he's going to be in the pool with her. She's planning to be sitting on his lap to ease contractions. She wants me by her side.
As for nudity I'd say it's 100% likely she'll be naked and maybe 50/50 with him, they are both freespirit types and she has said she has had to remind him to get fully dressed before family visits.
I don't know if the same rules apply during L &D.

Maybe her midwife has a policy. I don't know/ Don't know much about homebirths in general.

Well if she were giving birth in a hospital she very well could be naked then too. I'd just prepare yourself to see your BIL naked. It sounds like he doesn't care much, so why should you?

I do think it's ok to tell her you aren't sure you are the best support, but that you are happy to be there. Again, talk to the midwife about it.

Do your research, talk to the midwife, and figure out a way you can both support your sister and clutch your pearls too.

[Anonymous]

If they have more than one room to their home, you can go and say hello when you get there, and then hang out in another room, especially if you're not comfortable with your sister's expected nudity in proximity to her husband, who will likely be in swim trunks.

Personally, I love the warm atmosphere at home births. Would love to see you come back and tell us your reactions after the fact, OP. And best wishes to the family.

[Anonymous]

So this really isn't even about her birth, it's about the fact that the two of them are crazy and have no modesty.

And yes, I had a homebirth. In a nightgown, covered up.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be there OP. Otherwise your sister is the only one who goes through birth without a sister or mom with her? Seems sad, given the history and her wishes.

But, I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk with her and be upfront.

"Sis, I definitely want to be there for the birth. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I have to confess though that I'm a little uneasy about whether I'm up to the fully intimate, open experience you're planning. I'm afraid I might be a little out of my element - you know I'm just not quite as comfortable with some of this stuff as I wish I was. Any ideas on how I can be there for you without being a prudish pain in the neck?"

That lets you own your piece of this without judging her, and gives her a chance to say "hey, no worries, I'll make sure hubby has pants on!"

[Anonymous]

It's not like they're going to be having sex in the birthing pool, OP!

[Anonymous]

Go but have a couple of glasses of free range organic wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,
Sorry I didn't explain things well.
It's all happening in their home, she's going to have one of those kiddie pools.
She has a midwife,not sure about a doula, she mentioned it but don't know if she's decided on it.
She has said he's going to be in the pool with her. She's planning to be sitting on his lap to ease contractions. She wants me by her side.
As for nudity I'd say it's 100% likely she'll be naked and maybe 50/50 with him, they are both freespirit types and she has said she has had to remind him to get fully dressed before family visits.
I don't know if the same rules apply during L &D.

Maybe her midwife has a policy. I don't know/ Don't know much about homebirths in general.

I would definitely go, OP. What's the worst that's going to happen? You see your BIL's penis? If she's sitting on his lap, then she'll be covering his private areas won't she?

[Anonymous]

OP, she's allowed to ask you to be there. She is not allowed to expect you to participate.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about you; it's about her. You sister would have loved to have your mother there, but it's not possible, so be there to support her.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. I just wouldn't. Her birth is about her, yes. But, that doesn't mean the sun rises and sets on it. Lots of folks have birth experiences that didn't go as envisioned. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would this be different from being in the room when your other sister gave birth? I think you should do it, it means a lot to her. I cannOT imagine having family in the room during delivery, but your family evidently does that, so you should continue the tradition.

Agree. I had a home birth (two actually) and I can't see how this woudl be different from being with a sibling at the hospital, except that you'll all be more comfortable. There will also be other rooms that you can go to for a rest or just to get out of the way. When she's actually giving birth she may decide that she doesn't want so many people -- at home that will be easy. You can just go into another room and still be there moments after birth (if she wants you)

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would he be naked too? That would be very odd, I think, even for someone who is a free spirit.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't anticipate that she will definitely give birth in the pool sitting on his lap. Once she's in labor she might not want to get into the pool. Or she might get into the pool during labor for pain relief but get out for the birth. Who knows. Don't get hung up on it.

I would assume that she woudl be naked, but he won't.

But really you need to be there if she wants you there, you did this for your other sister and your mother is sadly no longer around. She needs you.