Anyone unsure if they can make it through infertility treatments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not untrue - I've seen many in my time in DC and Arlington. Also no official policy on it one way or the other - I know, I asked.

+1. Saw it frequently in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not untrue - I've seen many in my time in DC and Arlington. Also no official policy on it one way or the other - I know, I asked.

+1. Saw it frequently in DC.

Yeah, they have some toys and books for kids in that front coat closet in DC.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. It sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed. Maybe you should talk with your RE or nurse about what to expect for the first round, and then determine which appointments you can go to alone, and which ones you would prefer having DH attend with you. Then maybe for the first round, have your MIL fly out and stay with you for that period of time so that DH can come with you for those appointments. See how that goes. If it's all just too much, you may have to give some serious thought about whether to continue. In the meantime, work on finding alternate care for your toddler in the event that you need to go for further treatment. Ask your WOHM mom friends who they use for childcare, or if their daycares/nannies have any referrals for you. I understand that you may not feel 100% comfortable leaving your toddler with a non-family member (I have the same issue so I can relate) but you may have no choice given the circumstances. What would make you more uncomfortable: attending the appointments alone, or getting a sitter? Maybe also think about some therapy to help cope with all of this. GL!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your replies! I do have a great therapist, so that helps a lot.

I've been thinking more about this over the last week or so and I feel like I just can't do it. I am overwhelmed--even at the thought of natural IVF. I can't imagine going through IVF at this time. I am terrified of the appointments and the medications and just can't handle the thought of being poked and prodded and monitored and all those medications, and the uncertainty and the waiting. The lack of childcare is the least of my worries regarding infertility treatments. I think we will continue to try naturally for maybe 6 more months and then reassess then. If we're not pregnant by then (which is probably unlikely since I know I have decreased ovarian reserve) I think I may be fine with being one and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your replies! I do have a great therapist, so that helps a lot.

I've been thinking more about this over the last week or so and I feel like I just can't do it. I am overwhelmed--even at the thought of natural IVF. I can't imagine going through IVF at this time. I am terrified of the appointments and the medications and just can't handle the thought of being poked and prodded and monitored and all those medications, and the uncertainty and the waiting. The lack of childcare is the least of my worries regarding infertility treatments. I think we will continue to try naturally for maybe 6 more months and then reassess then. If we're not pregnant by then (which is probably unlikely since I know I have decreased ovarian reserve) I think I may be fine with being one and done.

OP - PP here who dealt with major anxiety about doing IVF, including several points at which I said I couldn't do it. I think it is totally fine to be one and done and to decide not to move forward. My only suggestion is to consider over the next six months whether you would regret later in life letting your fears/concerns prevent you from trying. It was only in thinking of it that way that I was able to work with my therapist to come up with a plan for getting through it one day at a time, which was a great decision for me (although not necessarily for you).

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I have anxiety and hate doctors and needles and all sorts of things and have medical complications etc ... but just want to offer having come out the other side of itm I was able to do it all & it really wasn't as bad as I made it out to be & in the process actually got passed/through/beyond anxieties and managing anxieties in a positive way. I broke it down step by step -- vs. the whole big overwhelming thing. I didn't have a prior child, so it was my only chance to have kids. But just want to put in a voice that it really isn't as "BAD" as it may seem.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

NP here. OP, I have a strong support network and community here and went through multiple IVF cycles. No one was holding my hand through any of it. Who in your life that lived close would even have the time to do that? People have their own lives, jobs, and kids. My DH was there for the major stuff. But I don't think that's a reasonable expectation or even a real barrier. The one person I did confide in regularly was my sister who lives far away. We would talk on the phone when things were emotionally rough, which was very helpful. Is there someone in your life that you could call when things are tough?

I sincerely don't want to make you feel bad, but I just can't imagine letting fear and anxiety get in the way of something so significant and life changing that you really want. Maybe you don't want another kid. Ok, done. Move on. But if you do, this is going to stop you? If you or your child had a life-threatening illness, you would get to the doctor and the hospital and pursue treatments and do whatever it takes, yes? Or your spouse? Obviously infertility isn't life-threatening, but my point is you must have levels of resolve and coping skills that you can draw on somewhere.

This is life. This is not the most overwhelming thing you will face. I would just encourage you to talk to a therapist for coping strategies for what I'm sure are very real anxieties and fears before giving up. It would only benefit you down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

NP here. OP, I have a strong support network and community here and went through multiple IVF cycles. No one was holding my hand through any of it. Who in your life that lived close would even have the time to do that? People have their own lives, jobs, and kids. My DH was there for the major stuff. But I don't think that's a reasonable expectation or even a real barrier. The one person I did confide in regularly was my sister who lives far away. We would talk on the phone when things were emotionally rough, which was very helpful. Is there someone in your life that you could call when things are tough?

I sincerely don't want to make you feel bad, but I just can't imagine letting fear and anxiety get in the way of something so significant and life changing that you really want. Maybe you don't want another kid. Ok, done. Move on. But if you do, this is going to stop you? If you or your child had a life-threatening illness, you would get to the doctor and the hospital and pursue treatments and do whatever it takes, yes? Or your spouse? Obviously infertility isn't life-threatening, but my point is you must have levels of resolve and coping skills that you can draw on somewhere.

This is life. This is not the most overwhelming thing you will face. I would just encourage you to talk to a therapist for coping strategies for what I'm sure are very real anxieties and fears before giving up. It would only benefit you down the road.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You make a lot of good points. Unfortunately, no I don't have someone I could call and share my feelings with. I have a therapist, which is good, but other than my therapist, no, I don't have anyone. I feel like I can't fully share my feelings with my husband, because he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through. I guess he feels the way you do, that he wouldn't let the pain of needles/procedures, fear and anxiety stop him from pursuing this dream. I feel differently though. I don't have good coping skills and never have. I am overwhelmed a lot, especially by things like this. What kind of coping skills can get you through something like this? I think back to the two times I had to have surgery (at ages 31 and again at 32), and I was a complete, non-functional mess during those ordeals. I tried to gather my coping skills, but I didn't really have any and was unable to cope (could barely eat, couldn't sleep for weeks, crying constantly). Just like now, I had no social support and barely got through it. If anyone could suggest some examples of coping skills for the IVF journey, I'd appreciate hearing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

NP here. OP, I have a strong support network and community here and went through multiple IVF cycles. No one was holding my hand through any of it. Who in your life that lived close would even have the time to do that? People have their own lives, jobs, and kids. My DH was there for the major stuff. But I don't think that's a reasonable expectation or even a real barrier. The one person I did confide in regularly was my sister who lives far away. We would talk on the phone when things were emotionally rough, which was very helpful. Is there someone in your life that you could call when things are tough?

I sincerely don't want to make you feel bad, but I just can't imagine letting fear and anxiety get in the way of something so significant and life changing that you really want. Maybe you don't want another kid. Ok, done. Move on. But if you do, this is going to stop you? If you or your child had a life-threatening illness, you would get to the doctor and the hospital and pursue treatments and do whatever it takes, yes? Or your spouse? Obviously infertility isn't life-threatening, but my point is you must have levels of resolve and coping skills that you can draw on somewhere.

This is life. This is not the most overwhelming thing you will face. I would just encourage you to talk to a therapist for coping strategies for what I'm sure are very real anxieties and fears before giving up. It would only benefit you down the road.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You make a lot of good points. Unfortunately, no I don't have someone I could call and share my feelings with. I have a therapist, which is good, but other than my therapist, no, I don't have anyone. I feel like I can't fully share my feelings with my husband, because he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through. I guess he feels the way you do, that he wouldn't let the pain of needles/procedures, fear and anxiety stop him from pursuing this dream. I feel differently though. I don't have good coping skills and never have. I am overwhelmed a lot, especially by things like this. What kind of coping skills can get you through something like this? I think back to the two times I had to have surgery (at ages 31 and again at 32), and I was a complete, non-functional mess during those ordeals. I tried to gather my coping skills, but I didn't really have any and was unable to cope (could barely eat, couldn't sleep for weeks, crying constantly). Just like now, I had no social support and barely got through it. If anyone could suggest some examples of coping skills for the IVF journey, I'd appreciate hearing them.

I would talk to your therapist about medication for anxiety/depression. I was on something for over 6 years. Honestly, skills for coping is not something you can develop quickly. Also, I think it might be worth while to do some couples therapy - you should be able to voice your feelings to your husband. And lastly, will you be able to deal with a 2nd child without support and being easily overwhelmed? It maybe setting yourself up for a decade of hardship far exceeding an IVF cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

NP here. OP, I have a strong support network and community here and went through multiple IVF cycles. No one was holding my hand through any of it. Who in your life that lived close would even have the time to do that? People have their own lives, jobs, and kids. My DH was there for the major stuff. But I don't think that's a reasonable expectation or even a real barrier. The one person I did confide in regularly was my sister who lives far away. We would talk on the phone when things were emotionally rough, which was very helpful. Is there someone in your life that you could call when things are tough?

I sincerely don't want to make you feel bad, but I just can't imagine letting fear and anxiety get in the way of something so significant and life changing that you really want. Maybe you don't want another kid. Ok, done. Move on. But if you do, this is going to stop you? If you or your child had a life-threatening illness, you would get to the doctor and the hospital and pursue treatments and do whatever it takes, yes? Or your spouse? Obviously infertility isn't life-threatening, but my point is you must have levels of resolve and coping skills that you can draw on somewhere.

This is life. This is not the most overwhelming thing you will face. I would just encourage you to talk to a therapist for coping strategies for what I'm sure are very real anxieties and fears before giving up. It would only benefit you down the road.

I agree with the bolded 150%. It sounds like you are lonely and picture this ideal where great friends and/or family would be your crutch through IVF. However, this isn't reality even for those of us who have a ton of close buddies or family. It's NOT fair to others to expect them to be your constant emotional support. If you do need this (nothing wrong with this) then it's time to get a therapist or get in closer contact with the therapist you already have. Friends care but they're not there to be a daily crutch. Perhaps this is why have had trouble making friends. People can sense neediness and even the most well-meaning people don't have time for this. They have their own issues, needs, etc. It is 100% unrealistic to expect friends to "get you through IVF". It's not just fair to your friends.


That said, it sounds like you have really significant issues with anxiety and could benefit from medication. I don't say this lightly but something in your life needs to improve. Crying for "weeks" over a surgery is.not.normal. Life can be SO much better than this!!!!

[Anonymous]

A month ago, IVF worked for me (second transfer). The lead-up to IVF was the darkest time of my life. However, my husband was supportive, and helped me confront and get over my fear of needles.

I did not have much daily support outside of my husband and immediate family. My DC circle did not want to be part of my story (infertility is not part of typical cocktail conversation). My closest friends and family (who all live far away) sent me cards, and I read and re-read them for support.

For me, deciding to do IVF and accepting that it was our only realistic option for having biological children was harder than actually going through IVF.

We did shared risk, which was helpful emotionally.

I am still isolated from former friends but I think that my struggle has made me a stronger person.

OP, I hope that you feel stronger, too, when you figure out what path you want to take.

[Anonymous]

The nightly IM shots for a FET do hurt and they are enormous needles. I know because I am doing them now. Also I cannot do them myself so my husband has to be home at that time every night. The biggest issue for me has been the post transfer rest with a toddler. It's pretty much impossible as a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nightly IM shots for a FET do hurt and they are enormous needles. I know because I am doing them now. Also I cannot do them myself so my husband has to be home at that time every night. The biggest issue for me has been the post transfer rest with a toddler. It's pretty much impossible as a SAHM.

You CAN do them yourself. You are just choosing not to. Also, studies show they are not necessary. Bed rest is also not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nightly IM shots for a FET do hurt and they are enormous needles. I know because I am doing them now. Also I cannot do them myself so my husband has to be home at that time every night. The biggest issue for me has been the post transfer rest with a toddler. It's pretty much impossible as a SAHM.

You CAN do them yourself. You are just choosing not to. Also, studies show they are not necessary. Bed rest is also not necessary.

+1
Currently pregnant from my last FET, which was a medicated cycle with a non-injection protocol. Those cycles do work. I wish REs made these more of an option for patients than they currently seem to be.
No post-transfer rest here, either. I was only told to "take it easy" for a few days (i.e., light exercise only, no need to break daily routine otherwise).