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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for your replies.  I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support.  My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state.  Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored.  But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much.  I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.[/quote]

NP here.  OP, I have a strong support network and community here and went through multiple IVF cycles.  No one was holding my hand through any of it.  Who in your life that lived close would even have the time to do that?  People have their own lives, jobs, and kids.  My DH was there for the major stuff.  But I don't think that's a reasonable expectation or even a real barrier.  The one person I did confide in regularly was my sister who lives far away.  We would talk on the phone when things were emotionally rough, which was very helpful.  Is there someone in your life that you could call when things are tough?

I sincerely don't want to make you feel bad, but I just can't imagine letting fear and anxiety get in the way of something so significant and life changing that you really want.  Maybe you don't want another kid.  Ok, done.  Move on.  But if you do, this is going to stop you?  If you or your child had a life-threatening illness, you would get to the doctor and the hospital and pursue treatments and do whatever it takes, yes?  Or your spouse?  Obviously infertility isn't life-threatening, but my point is you must have levels of resolve and coping skills that you can draw on somewhere.

This is life.  This is not the most overwhelming thing you will face.  I would just encourage you to talk to a therapist for coping strategies for what I'm sure are very real anxieties and fears before giving up.  It would only benefit you down the road.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.  You make a lot of good points.  Unfortunately, no I don't have someone I could call and share my feelings with.  I have a therapist, which is good, but other than my therapist, no, I don't have anyone.  I feel like I can't fully share my feelings with my husband, because he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through.  I guess he feels the way you do, that he wouldn't let the pain of needles/procedures, fear and anxiety stop him from pursuing this dream.  I feel differently though.  I don't have good coping skills and never have.  I am overwhelmed a lot, especially by things like this.  What kind of coping skills can get you through something like this?  I think back to the two times I had to have surgery (at ages 31 and again at 32), and I was a complete, non-functional mess during those ordeals.  I tried to gather my coping skills, but I didn't really have any and was unable to cope (could barely eat, couldn't sleep for weeks, crying constantly).  Just like now, I had no social support and barely got through it.  If anyone could suggest some examples of coping skills for the IVF journey, I'd appreciate hearing them.[/quote]

I would talk to your therapist about medication for anxiety/depression.  I was on something for over 6 years. Honestly, skills for coping is not something you can develop quickly.  Also, I think it might be worth while to do some couples therapy - you should be able to voice your feelings to your husband.   And lastly, will you be able to deal with a 2nd child without support and being easily overwhelmed? It maybe setting yourself up for a decade of hardship far exceeding an IVF cycle.[/quote]

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