My child is currently a B/C student - handling friends with kids who are all A?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can sympathize. My kid is a good student and bright but not super smart and also not naturally driven. Many of our friends' kids are on the Ivy league train while we will likely go the VA Tech, University of Maryland or something similar route. I just remind myself of all the good qualities my child has and also of the fact that both my husband and I went to mid-range state schools and are successful and happy. It helps that most of the parents we know aren't the braggy type but it still comes up in conversation. "Little so and so is taking 4 APs this year and is in Calculus as a sophomore." The fact that your child has some challenges makes the comparison game even more pointless. I know it is hard but try to just focus on their strengths and remind yourself that we live in an extraordinarily competitive and intellectual area of the country. Most of America is not doing what the kids in this area do in middle school and high school so your student is already ahead of the game.

Is it really that hard to just admit that some kids are naturally better and be happy for your lucky friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a girl scout leader, I have really nice kids from good families in my troop. I've been surprised at how much the kids compare grades, MAP M and MAP R scores and accomplishments with each other all the time. There are no parents around, except me, and I overhear this when they are working in groups and chatting to each other. It's difficult because the child that is scoring less high appears to feel less than her peers. All I can do is talk about how everyone has their strengths, and sometimes you need to work harder and you can't give up.


I really don't think it has anything to do with parents, kids just naturally compare their accomplishments. I think you need to accept that your son is going to hear about grades from his friends and you need to prepare him for that interaction.

I know my oldest child is capable of A work in Math, and would want to know why he received a B+, if he made a B+ in English (not his strongest subject) I would be okay with that.

well, if the kids are old enough to talk and care about grades, then they are old enough to handle the bad feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can sympathize. My kid is a good student and bright but not super smart and also not naturally driven. Many of our friends' kids are on the Ivy league train while we will likely go the VA Tech, University of Maryland or something similar route. I just remind myself of all the good qualities my child has and also of the fact that both my husband and I went to mid-range state schools and are successful and happy. It helps that most of the parents we know aren't the braggy type but it still comes up in conversation. "Little so and so is taking 4 APs this year and is in Calculus as a sophomore." The fact that your child has some challenges makes the comparison game even more pointless. I know it is hard but try to just focus on their strengths and remind yourself that we live in an extraordinarily competitive and intellectual area of the country. Most of America is not doing what the kids in this area do in middle school and high school so your student is already ahead of the game.

PP, you don't have to go to Ivy league to be successful. Dan Snyder and Kevin Plank (Under Armour) both went to University of Maryland and dropped out to pursue their entreprenurial desires. There are also plenty of successful folks that started out at community colleges and finished at 4 year universities. I never listen to those folks because I can look at myself, who did not go to an Ivy and probably make just as much or more than them. Everything is not as it appears...

[Anonymous]

I just had this talk with my teen.

He is dyslexic and saying school is hard is an understatement. His friends, many of them, recently, have had many successes... committing to colleges, getting outstanding grades, winning awards, etc.

I told him it is normal to have the little pang in year heart... jealousy. But, you need to practice letting that feeling go and truly being happy for your friend. Eventually it will become more natural to genuinely be happy for that person and be thankful you are who you are.

For example, Joe just verbally committed to X school. I know you wish you did too, so ... do you want to play that sport? Do you want to be Joe?

It is easy to be jealous of 1 aspect of a person's life .. but do you want the whole package, do you want to be Joe?

Once my son thought about it, no ... he does not want to be Joe or Robbie or Colin. They all have something he does not have but they all have something my son does not want to have. He could not find 1 person that he would genuinely want to change spots with if he could.

But in the end, learning how to be grateful for what you have and not envy what others have is not innate in most people, it comes more naturally the more we practice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had this talk with my teen.

He is dyslexic and saying school is hard is an understatement. His friends, many of them, recently, have had many successes... committing to colleges, getting outstanding grades, winning awards, etc.

I told him it is normal to have the little pang in year heart... jealousy. But, you need to practice letting that feeling go and truly being happy for your friend. Eventually it will become more natural to genuinely be happy for that person and be thankful you are who you are.

For example, Joe just verbally committed to X school. I know you wish you did too, so ... do you want to play that sport? Do you want to be Joe?

It is easy to be jealous of 1 aspect of a person's life .. but do you want the whole package, do you want to be Joe?

Once my son thought about it, no ... he does not want to be Joe or Robbie or Colin. They all have something he does not have but they all have something my son does not want to have. He could not find 1 person that he would genuinely want to change spots with if he could.

But in the end, learning how to be grateful for what you have and not envy what others have is not innate in most people, it comes more naturally the more we practice it.

Good points!

[Anonymous]

I disagree. I have Asperger's. There are quite a few other people I would like to be. There are people who have the same job, the same degrees who also have great social skills and a lot of friends. On some level, I feel like I got a bum deal compared to these guys. I'm not really sure why I should feel happy for them and their incredible luck.

Would someone in a wheel chair be told that they should be happy for their friend who just won the Olympics for cross country running?

If your kid doesn't get invited to the prom are you going to tell her that she should just be really happy for her friend who did? Would that have worked when you were in high school if someone told you that?