How to handle disrespect from a 3yo

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I was raised in a household where I would have been severely punished for such behavior, and sometimes I get frustrated that I get the short end of the stick on both ends as I try to do better for my kids.

Certainly model correct responses. Good manners and nice tone really are a language skill in part. With my kids if they refuse to use the nicer response when asked, I tell them that I don't answer people who talk to me meanly and that I'll be happy to talk to them when they can be nice. And then I ignore them (well I still pay attention but I don't respond or give them attention).

With saying yuck to dinner, my oldest pulled that for a long while. I don't offer substitutes unless it's a dish that's spicy or really outside of what they're used to (in which case they have to try but I already have a back up planned). After a week or so of him being continually rude about food that I knew he liked, I started giving one warning, and then I would say "Ok, if you don't like it, then I'm taking it away." And I would put the dish in the kitchen and that was it. He rarely ate a ton at dinner anyhow since he would get lunch and 2 snacks at daycare, so I knew he could survive a hungry evening. He threw a fit, but it only happened twice. He told his younger sister the other night (who's 2.5 and getting sassy) to "Stop it or mom will throw out your food. She'll really do it!!". She took him much more seriously than she did me

[Anonymous]

Op here and thank you so much for the helpful suggestions. The thing I struggle with the most is what to say in response in the moment, and it was helpful to get some perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thank you so much for the helpful suggestions. The thing I struggle with the most is what to say in response in the moment, and it was helpful to get some perspectives.

Focus less on what you don't want your kid to do, and more on what you would like her to do. In this case, how would you like her to express "negative" things? Give her the words you would like her to use.

For me, the "bratty" behavior people are taking the wrong tack. If you focus on how much of a brat your kid is, you're not only focusing on the negative, but that attitude is going to shape all of your interactions with your kid. I prefer to focus on the "what does my child need to learn" side of it. In this case, she needs to learn how to politely express herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thank you so much for the helpful suggestions. The thing I struggle with the most is what to say in response in the moment, and it was helpful to get some perspectives.

Focus less on what you don't want your kid to do, and more on what you would like her to do. In this case, how would you like her to express "negative" things? Give her the words you would like her to use.

For me, the "bratty" behavior people are taking the wrong tack. If you focus on how much of a brat your kid is, you're not only focusing on the negative, but that attitude is going to shape all of your interactions with your kid. I prefer to focus on the "what does my child need to learn" side of it. In this case, she needs to learn how to politely express herself.

This is great (and so true!)

[Anonymous]

OP, for our 3 year old, it was mostly a case of acting out to try to feel more in control and because he was angry and felt like we weren't respecting him especially as he wants to be more independent. When we came down like a ton of bricks (lots of time outs, yelling) it just pissed him off and made him act out more. We focused on praising good behavior (speaking politely) and set up a rewards chart. We still give time outs for hitting etc. Calmly ignoring the other stuff without a fuss will extinguish it faster than getting angry because that rewards the bad behavior with attention and gives the kid the satisfaction of pissing you off. I thought the positive discipline stuff was nonsense until I realized that a lot of my kid's deliberate bad behavior is his way of trying to piss us off because he feels like we're being harsh or arbitrary. When he calmly explain that the thing he wants to do is dangerous or too loud or whatever the problem is, he's much more open to listening to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is NOT NORMAL for your child to talk to you and others like this - where is she hearing this type of interaction? "Get away from me" ?! I'm so tired of people acting like brats are the norm. I do not know any children who act like this, sorry. Get some discipline going in your household.

+1 This is bratty behavior. I'm horrified that most people think this is normal behavior.

Do you have anything constructive? How would you handle it?

This. I'm tired of these bullshit responses. Let's say for the sake of discussion that this behavior isn't normal. (Although it absolutely is.) That would mean that OP has a child with a problem (or OP has a problem with how she deals with her child that is reinforcing bad behavior.) Do you have any constructive ideas for how to deal with the problem? No? Then STFU. Otherwise, you are being just as rude and disrespectful as you think OP's DD is. And presumably you don't have the excuse of being three years old.

Wow, no wonder your 3 yo has a sailor's mouth. You're very aggressive and inappropriate, the PP was giving a reality check from her point of view.

[Anonymous]

It is horryfying that most people here find this behavior normal and just a child "testing boundaries." Worse, that they think the only acceptable course of action is to tell the child talking like this is not nice...

At a minimum, you give the child "the look" accompanied by "EXCUSE ME?! Please apologize to x. We do not talk to anyone in this manner. That is unacceptable."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is horryfying that most people here find this behavior normal and just a child "testing boundaries." Worse, that they think the only acceptable course of action is to tell the child talking like this is not nice...

At a minimum, you give the child "the look" accompanied by "EXCUSE ME?! Please apologize to x. We do not talk to anyone in this manner. That is unacceptable."

Right. I'm sure no one ever tried that before. Why didn't they just say those magic words and give their kid "the look"; then their kids would be as perfect as yours?! You've clearly figured it all out.

[Anonymous]

I calmly state: "I don't respond to people who are rude to me. Would you like to try again?" And then once the child reframes what s/he wants more politely (I help script for them early on), then we deal with the issue at hand.

A disrespectful tone never gets them what they want. Consistency across caregivers helps a lot. It may take a little while, but they catch on.

My 5yo is testing intentional rudeness right now, after I offer an opportunity to reframe. That gets him a consequence.