Am I expecting too much of my parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that your parents are 80 explains it to me.

Otherwise I would think it strange.

Agreed. Spending a lot of time with grandchildren at the age, however beloved they are, can be exhausting. I think it's terrific they take the effort to come down on their own and take care of themselves by staying in a hotel. Wonderfully independent for octogenarians!

+1. My parents are close to 80 and the are pretty much like yours OP- they need a lot of rest time. Nap after the train ride, nap in the middle of the day, etc. They both work full time so weekends are the time they catch up on rest. I think they're deciding what they can handle to give their grandchild the best they can do. Good for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds lovely, OP. Maybe they are introverts? can you join your mom to shop at the mall? How often and how do you visit them?

+1

[Anonymous]

Omg. That sounds like heaven to me. If you want them to spend more time, maybe specifically invite them for a longer event.

[Anonymous]

My own mom is 65 and is the same way. She loves my kids, but isn't really a kid person. Would have been fine not being a parent at all I think, but I was a surprise.

I do wish we had grandparents for our kids that had more hands-on time, etc, but at the end of the day I'm thankful she loves them and they love her. They're happy.

[Anonymous]

They don't want to intrude. If they spend more time with you, you would be writing a different post about how they can't entertain themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents visit a few times a year, usually Friday to Sunday or Saturday to Sunday. They arrive on Amtrak around 1:00 in the afternoon and check into a hotel. Then they contact us late in the afternoon, usually around 5:00. Yesterday it was 6:00. My mother likes to spend her time at our local mall, because for some reason she believes the shopping is really good here. (They live in Manhattan). They have dinner with us, and leave to return to the hotel around 7:30.

On Saturday, they do an activity with us, such as watching my daughter's ballet class. Then they return to their hotel, or perhaps more shopping for mom.

Sunday morning, they are available for coffee or a "bite to eat," and then they rush to catch the train.

I should mention my daughter really looks forward to these visits. My mother picks up little trinkets either at the train station or at our local mall and gives them to my daughter, which she enjoys. I don't feel that they have much authentic interaction with her.

Am I expecting too much?

This will probably be me when I'm a grandma. I don't like to intrude and I think too much together time is never a good thing. Also, I love being with DH, so I'd probably use our trip as an opportunity to explore with him. When I become a grandma, I want it to be about my spouse and children when they have time for me.

[Anonymous]

Omg, they're 80! That's extraordinary effort on their part. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Op, do you have a sibling? Someone who they maybe have visited at some point who told them they felt like they were being smothered? To me this sounds like a wonderful visit... In comparison to a visit where my parents or in-laws come and stay in our little 2 bedroom condo for a week+. It sounds like they may have gone overboard in the opposite direction to compensate. They might not realize that you'd like to see them more. I think the idea of going to the pool, something where you can spend time together while relaxing (and people who need space can rest) sounds lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda sweet to me. Not sure what I'm missing?

+1

[Anonymous]

Mine are 70 and do something similar. They stay with us, but sleep in (10ish) and nap for three hours midday.They also take random hour long detours to get Starbucks or a certain type of bread at a certain bakery.
They just are past the age where they are going to disrupt their own routines. If they want Starbucks at 4 pm in the middle of my kids baseball game, they are going to get it.
It used to bug me more but I sort of let it go. You can't make people want to hang with your kids. Even their grandparents.