Really awful meeting with parent. Moving forward tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really unprofessional to post such detailed scenarios on the Internet. I would be livid if I as a parent found this.

Teacher here. I agree.

I understand you need a sounding board OP, but I would've spoken to colleagues.

Yup. This was not a good idea. Vent to some real people.

[Anonymous]

I strongly suggest you talk to the student one on one. "You seemed kind of miserable at the meeting we had with your parents. My main goal is for you to learn, but I also care about your feelings. How did you feel about how the meeting went?"

See what she says and go from there.

(I think there's nothing wrong with your posting here. Nobody can figure out from what you said who you're talking about.)

[Anonymous]

Read The Gift of Failure - a great book, written by middle school teacher. Suggest to the principal that parents and faculty read and discuss it as a group read. They're doing this at my kid's school and I think it's very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Don't let him push you around. Tell him how it is and how it is going to be. Show him that "A" work. Glad you are looking out for the student but if she suffers because he is an ass, well too bad but so be it.

[Anonymous]

OP's post could apply to lots of people. While it is a more frequent phenomenon now, it is not a new one. This happened to a colleague of mine thirty years ago. The mom walked in upset because the child had dropped reading group levels. She immediately attacked the teacher and claimed that it was because "he is bored". The teacher replied that he had started in a more difficult group, but could not keep up. (The child's older brother truly was very highly gifted, and the mom expected the same of this child.)

After the conference, my colleague (a more mature teacher) came in and vented a little. She also said that she was glad that the child was not in my class--that she was able to take the high road with the parent and pull the "experience" card. I was a young teacher and she wanted me to know that this type of thing might happen in my future, but to stand your ground.

This is almost a routine occurrence these days. Sad. What's wrong with being a B student?

[Anonymous]

I've been teaching for a decade and have had a handful of parents like this, and they don't change. The dad believes YOU are the reason his daughter isn't getting As: you aren't a good enough teacher, you aren't "challenging" her,

Here's the thing…it could be true and probably is partially true. I'm a teacher and I've been really surprised at how MCPS culture does not encourage kids to work to their potential. There's very little feedback, poor instructions for assignments, and not much support or guidance to teachers to create understood expectations. There's an attitude that C quality work is the goal.

I switched to teaching private and I'm not assessed on getting everyone to average. I'm not only rewarded for getting the 2 kids that are below average up to average. These kids coming in are all smart, much like the demographic in many of the high scoring schools. The difference is that I am expected to get them to work to their potential, not deflate expectations, and be clear what it takes deliver higher quality work that earns an A.

I've also just pulled my elementary school age kid out of MCPS public school because I know that this everything = a P is producing kids that don't give a crap by the time they reach middle school. Its a hard transition for kids to go from sub par work getting the "P" to seeing Bs and Cs.

[Anonymous]

I hate parent-teacher conferences that have the kid sitting right there. Everyon there is rightly worried about the child's perception of the meeting instead of dealing with the real issue.
Next time, try meeting with the parents without the student there. At the very least you can spare her some feelings, and you might be willing and able to be more forthcoming to the parents and they might be willing to be more forthcoming and cooperative with you.
Likewise, I like the idea of meeting with the student individually and seeing if you can find out what she really needs to do A work. I doubt the issue is that she's bored, but if you can find a way for her to improve and excel, take it! And then you'd also make the dad happy too.

[Anonymous]

You don't work for the parent. Tell them to bug off.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the OP gave out any identifying information - this type of meeting is so common in our childrens' private that even if the OP had named the school and the grade it would still be impossible to identify them. I like that the OP gave examples of A level work for the parent/student to measure against. Maybe the OP posted here as a PSA for parents - don't push for your child to get a certain grade at this age. Especially at this point in the school year. Focus on where the student needs to improve and discuss ways to get him/her there over the course of the year. By middle and certainly high school students will need to advocate for themselves. I think the OP posted because s/he feels that nothing will change as the result of the meeting and that is frustrating to a teacher that actually cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I've been teaching for a decade and have had a handful of parents like this, and they don't change. The dad believes YOU are the reason his daughter isn't getting As: you aren't a good enough teacher, you aren't "challenging" her,

Here's the thing…it could be true and probably is partially true. I'm a teacher and I've been really surprised at how MCPS culture does not encourage kids to work to their potential. There's very little feedback, poor instructions for assignments, and not much support or guidance to teachers to create understood expectations. There's an attitude that C quality work is the goal.

I switched to teaching private and I'm not assessed on getting everyone to average. I'm not only rewarded for getting the 2 kids that are below average up to average. These kids coming in are all smart, much like the demographic in many of the high scoring schools. The difference is that I am expected to get them to work to their potential, not deflate expectations, and be clear what it takes deliver higher quality work that earns an A.

I've also just pulled my elementary school age kid out of MCPS public school because I know that this everything = a P is producing kids that don't give a crap by the time they reach middle school. Its a hard transition for kids to go from sub par work getting the "P" to seeing Bs and Cs.

Not to hijack (but to hijack a little) -- teacher, where did you move your kid to? I have similar views to yours but am unsure what school to move elementary DD to.

[Anonymous]

Been there done that. Some parents are difficult and downright awful. I've cried after many meetings. The worst is when you have unsupportive administrators who will throw you under the bus - I hope you have a supportive team and administrators who can help you instead of harm you.

The priority is to focus on the child, not the parents.

In addition to that continue to communicate with the parents as needed on a professional basis and CC your principal on EVERYTHING. Keep assessments and work samples to show parents. Basically, cover your ass. I know it's hard, especially with time constraints but it will give you the tools to show the parents what is being done, what progress is being made, etc.