Don't like DS's new house

[Anonymous]

You can't buy your children's love, OP. Stop trying.

[Anonymous]

Op is a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

Right because the house belongs to both of them.

I think a lot of DIL's have stupid crazy nitpicky issues with their MILs, and tend to lean towards "team MIL" - but you are so very wrong on this issue.

It's not your house.

IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.

Get over it.

Don't blame your daughter in law for this. They (very rightly and astutely) saw that your money was not a gift and more like leverage you would use to try and control them. My guess is they saw what happened with your other son and did not want that to happen to them.

Be proud for raising an independent and self sufficient son and MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

Or he saw how the previous loan came with strings attached and decided he'd rather live in a more modest home than take you up on your offer. Also, is it a loan or a gift? Because you've called it both and they're obviously not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they want to make this house THEIR home OP and certainly changing flooring and painting walls isn't an earth shattering amount of time or money. Respect their wishes. Imagine if it was your MIL judging you back in the day

I gave my own MIL the respect and deference due to an elder and the mother of my husband in my day.

Times...have changed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they want to make this house THEIR home OP and certainly changing flooring and painting walls isn't an earth shattering amount of time or money. Respect their wishes. Imagine if it was your MIL judging you back in the day

I gave my own MIL the respect and deference due to an elder and the mother of my husband in my day.

Times...have changed...

Age doesn't make someone right. Neither does being someone's spouse. Right is right regardless of the parties. What's right in this case is to let your adult son make his own decisions. That's it. It's really that simple.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you want the best for your son, as any parent would. The trouble is that "what is best" is so subjective. Your son and DIL probably did what they thought was best for them. It is tough when we see people we love make decisions we don't agree with. Just love them BOTH anyway and save your money for the grand kids' education.

[Anonymous]

Your DS and DIL are now a team. It's not his decision or her decision, it's their decision. If you blame the 'wrong' decision on DIL, you are also blaming DS. Accept that he has grown into a team that no longer thinks like you do. The purpose of having children is to allow them to be independent and make different decisions than the ones you would make.

[Anonymous]

Your son and his wife are adults. I'd suggest you take that money and use it to enrich your own life outside of your children.

[Anonymous]

My son married an idiot too. I keep all my opinions to myself except one. She's ugly.

[Anonymous]

They will probably raise their kids in a way you don't approve of, too. Prepare yourself.

Don't be that MIL, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they want to make this house THEIR home OP and certainly changing flooring and painting walls isn't an earth shattering amount of time or money. Respect their wishes. Imagine if it was your MIL judging you back in the day

I gave my own MIL the respect and deference due to an elder and the mother of my husband in my day.

Times...have changed...

Uh, you bought the house your MIL wanted you to buy? I think you're making things up, now. Even back in "your day" people didn't purchase homes based on their MIL's approval.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me want to hug my MIL.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a controlling person. Your children want to be free to choose a house they can afford and live with without you calling the shots -- which is what you would try to do if they accepted a loan from you.

I know this is uncomfortable for you but if you accept it your relationship with them might improve in the long run. My mother tried to control family members through giving us money. Eventually I learned to turn down her offers, which upset her at first, but which freed me up to have a grown up relationship with her.

Your kids just don't want you trying to run their lives. They're grown ups now. Let go and enjoy them for who they are.

[Anonymous]

Why not just make it a gift OP? I bet they will take it then. Loans from the bank are easy to get and I'd rather not owe my in laws money when I can just owe the bank instead.