Special needs parenting and divorce

[Anonymous]

OP, you have had a double whammy thrown at your marraige. Maybe a tripple: marriage itself, a baby, and then the delays. My marriage faltered when there was just the normal sleep deprivation and adjustment to a baby. My husband and I were very stressed and miserable and unkind to each other, just each of us sunk in our own misery. It lasted well over a year, maybe almost 2. Gradually, with time and increasing amounts of kindness, we got through it. But there was probably a year or two where I simply didn't love DH much. Didn't feel passion or desire or even basic friendship. But we had been warned that this is part of marriage sometimes, and we just waited it out and were kind when we could manage it. And the love came back, and the passion came back. I am so grateful we waited it out.

My child was diagnosed with a special need later on, and it is stressful. My husband doesn't deal with it the same way I do, at all. I am both passionate about helping my kid and dogged in my research and pursuit of therapy. My DH just...isn't. But he's a great dad otherwise, so I can let it go.

Good luck, OP. I just wanted you to know that there is hope, despite the lack of intimacy now. That isn't some sort of death knell for a marriage. It reflects a lack of connection in general, but you already knew you lacked connection. Time and kindness may be able to bring it back.

[Anonymous]

Op - It sounds like you need to give some leeway to both you and your husband because you two were very new to parenting itself as well as having a special needs young child. It also sounds like one or both of you have not made time for your relationship to even see what is still there. I agree that you need to start talking with a therapist as soon as possible - but one who can deal with the emotions of a parent with the sense of loss etc. in having a child with SN as well as one who can help you figure out yourself and what you want and need at this point in time. At the same time you need to look at how your behaviors may have been impacting your DH and what steps could be taken to even start to do things "as friends" just to get back to getting to know one another. Find someone who is competent to care for DC so that if you decide to pursue a relationship with your DH you two can have time together. There are a lot of unknowns in this post that may or may not move in varying directions, but you need some professional support in taking the first step to evaluate things short term and long term.