No one to sit with on the bus

[Anonymous]

PS: It's not wrong to teach your child compassion. As an "alone kid" it's okay to point out sometimes it feels nice to be alone, and sometimes it doesn't. How do you approach someone who's alone and might like company? Etc. The American Girl series on friendships are pretty good in this regard, btw.

[Anonymous]

Rainbow loom saved us in a similar situation 2 years ago. The kids from right around us were sitting together (crowding 3 to a seat) and then telling my daughter there was no room -- she was really hurt. A boy that got on the bus earlier starting talking with her and showing her how to work the rainbow loom and they became great friends -- and also with his other friend who was happy to "share" her friend with my daughter. I went out of my way to tell the mom what a great son she is raising.
I'm not sure what the "in" craft is this year, but I agree something like a little bracelet making kit, knitting loom or craft might be a good conversation starter. Pokémon cards can also be a good ice breaker for that age. If she has a little collection book she is looking at, some other kids might come over and want to trade. My daughter made another good friend that way.
I also tell my daughter to look for that other child that is sitting alone and reach out to him or her. So often we focus on the group that is happy and laughing and long to be part of that group -- and we don't even notice that there's another person longing for a connection.

[Anonymous]

Why not just drive her to school, or hire someone to drive her?

[Anonymous]

Understanding that it is hard for kids to put things into perspective, perhaps you could try explaining that the bus ride is just a short part of the day, its purpose is to get you to and from school, etc. You mentioned that she has some friends at school and/or in her classroom, so maybe focus on "riding the bus so that you can go see your friends at school." My DD often wants to play with girls who don't want to play with her and I try to point out that there are other fish in the sea, so to speak, and how she probably wouldn't want to be friends with the mean girls anyway. Point out how their behavior is not nice and how to act appropriately in the situation. I like PPs suggestion of having her look around for someone else who might be lonely on the bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just drive her to school, or hire someone to drive her?

+1. Just put the kid out of misery and drive her to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just drive her to school, or hire someone to drive her?

+1. Just put the kid out of misery and drive her to school.

I wouldn't do this. She needs to learn to make friends even in difficult situations.

I agree about finding something she can do on the bus, and will get other kids curious. Is she interested in knitting? My 8 yr old DD starting crocheting. Whenever she pulls it out, all the girls come over to look and ask questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.

Sorry, but children dont need to be occupied with friends 24/7. She needs to learn to be independent

PP- did you read the part where OP's DD was bullied at her last school?? It's understandable that OP would want to support and help her more right now. The bus ride is a social opportunity for many kids- it can feel like a very big deal if no one wants to sit next to you.

Yes, but we shouldn't be trying to "solve" the discomfort by making it out to be a huge problem. Talk to dd about how it's OK not to have a person to sit with on the bus, help dd be all right with being on her own (she's not being bullied or teased right? just sitting alone).

We can't rush in every time our parent hearts ache a little for our children.

NP, PP you seem to think OP is over-reacting. I think your "We can't rush in every time our parent hearts ache a little for our children" is sadly under-reacting. The main problem the most troubled kids have are parents who don't rush in at all, who don't take their kids hurts - big or small - seriously or even notice. And your judgmental tone does smack a bit of meangirl-ness.

OP it's lovely that you notice, that you're listening, that you're concerned. I happen to agree with everyone who said it's an opportunity to - instead of getting your DD a new bus friend - to help her be ok with not having someone. To ask her what she likes to do most on the bus, read? Notice or listen to other kids (without getting upset that she's not included)? Stare out window at streets? What does she want to focus on? Help her to see it's ok to just be on her own, and she shouldn't feel sad or mad about it. It is how it is, and she'll find (or already has found?) good friends at school and that's what she should focus on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just drive her to school, or hire someone to drive her?

I was just thinking DCUM had been a bit slow on the troll activity, so good to see you PP! Was worried DCUM was losing a big amount of "snark factor", but happy to see snark and trolling are still alive and well here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.

Sorry, but children dont need to be occupied with friends 24/7. She needs to learn to be independent

PP- did you read the part where OP's DD was bullied at her last school?? It's understandable that OP would want to support and help her more right now. The bus ride is a social opportunity for many kids- it can feel like a very big deal if no one wants to sit next to you.

Yes, but we shouldn't be trying to "solve" the discomfort by making it out to be a huge problem. Talk to dd about how it's OK not to have a person to sit with on the bus, help dd be all right with being on her own (she's not being bullied or teased right? just sitting alone).

We can't rush in every time our parent hearts ache a little for our children.

NP, PP you seem to think OP is over-reacting. I think your "We can't rush in every time our parent hearts ache a little for our children" is sadly under-reacting. The main problem the most troubled kids have are parents who don't rush in at all, who don't take their kids hurts - big or small - seriously or even notice. And your judgmental tone does smack a bit of meangirl-ness.

OP it's lovely that you notice, that you're listening, that you're concerned. I happen to agree with everyone who said it's an opportunity to - instead of getting your DD a new bus friend - to help her be ok with not having someone. To ask her what she likes to do most on the bus, read? Notice or listen to other kids (without getting upset that she's not included)? Stare out window at streets? What does she want to focus on? Help her to see it's ok to just be on her own, and she shouldn't feel sad or mad about it. It is how it is, and she'll find (or already has found?) good friends at school and that's what she should focus on.

Op can be concerned but at the same time not rush in. Her child is not being bullied. Her child may be lonely, and by itself that is not a problem that needs solving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, Op you know too much information, or you are taking it way to seriously. You want a kid who can deal with this kind of thing. Let go, they will survive.

You know, this can be heartbreaking for a kid. Especially if there aren't any empty seats on the bus, which most don't seem to have and there can be the mean girl "You can't sit here." Have a little compassion.

Not pp, but this is a pretty low diagnoses of "heartbreaking." But I suppose I'm old school, and I think that dealing with some "heartbreak" or sadness as a child is important and good. Lessons better learned young, for a better, more resilient, stronger person as they grow older. And all things considered, sitting alone on the bus is extremely benign.

Old school in this respect is not helpful. We had 2 kids in my HS class kill themselves. If a child is upset about sitting alone then it is fair to help. Maybe find another girl on bus and set up a play date?

[Anonymous]

OP - You have gotten some good ideas on what might help your daughter on the bus ride, but more importantly when you indicated "we are working on..." does that include working with a good professional who can help your daughter perhaps deal with the insecurities that she has and develop the social and independent skills she needs to relate to others? She needs help in coping so she does not let anyone victimize her again. It is good that she is developing some new friends at school and this should be encouraged by you with some out of school activities that a couple might enjoy with DD. Also the idea of joining after school clubs or activities other kids in the neighborhood participate n might be good. Till then emphasize the positives in relationship-building at the neighborhood school.