Do you have a right to open your spouse's mail?

[Anonymous]

^Please don't ever rely on Avvo answers. It's the lowest cesspool of lawyering and lawyering has a pretty deep pool.

[Anonymous]

We don't open each other's mail, financial or personal.

I wouldn't be mad if she opened financial mail though. I'd probably be annoyed if it was a replacement credit card or something and she misplaced it or threw it away.

I'd be annoyed if she opened personal mail for a totally irrational reason. We don't get much of it so it's kind of exciting for the person that gets it.

[Anonymous]

We don't typically open each other's mail, but if I came home and mail addressed to me were open, I wouldn't be "livid". I'm not even sure I would care all that much. OTOH, my spouse doesn't think he has a "right" to open my mail either, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH who is still north of livid. I received a priority letter from an insurance broker and found it opened. This is not the first time something lime this has happened. Her response was that she has a right to look at anything that arrives at her house. I would never think of opening anything she orders online that gets delivered.

Am I overreacting? Feel like I am being controlled.

If these are you feelings, they're your feelings and should be discussed. Neither of you has a unilateral right to determine how the other "should" respond to things.

You need to talk through your feelings about privacy and "being controlled" with DW. She's wrong to enforce intimacy in this way. For me, it would be NBD...except for the financials. My XH and I kept separate accounts. If he had opened statements regarding my investments, I wouldn't have liked that very much. But that is because we had decided to keep our pre-marriage money separate. We had made that decision together. He wanted it that way and I allowed it. You need to think about the root of the problem before bringing it up with DW. Communication, man. This is not a mail issue. It's about something else.

[Anonymous]

We actually appreciate it. We both open our own mail, but sometimes, with the large volume and with two young kids, yada, yada, we get busy and forget to go through the last day or two of mail. We both go through the mail and if something has been in the inbox for more than a day or two, then whoever gets to it first opens it and lets the other one know what it was. "Oh, you got a bill from the doctor a couple of days ago...are you going to handle it or do you want me to?" We cover for each other to make sure we don't miss something important. I appreciate knowing that if I forget something like that, she has my back and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

If I did happen to open and spouse got mad - - I sure would open everything else in the future. No question about that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either of us opens anything that is clearly a bill or financial-related information. We don't open something that is clearly personal mail for the other, like a birthday card. We never open each other's packages, since both of us do most of our shopping online you never know if it's something that the other has bought for a birthday or anniversary or something.

Whoever gets home first might mention to the other that they have a package from Amazon or a letter from their company or whatever, and the recipient spouse might mention what it is or say to just leave it for them.

This is us too. I could see being a little annoyed if he opened something personal for me, like a card, but not "livid".

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed too. I don't have anything to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial and business mail, definitely yes. Private mail like a card or letter from a friend, no.

Same here. I'd be a little peeved if it was a personal letter bc it's a treat to get and open those nowadays and that really is personal. If I didn't open the mail it would be in plastic grocery bags in piles on the dining room table that DH was planning to "go through later".

[Anonymous]

Reasonable people wouldn't read personal correspondence sent to another if they knew who it was from and had no reason to be suspicious. If you're getting personal correspondence from someone your spouse doesn't know - that's suspicious. Still many spouses would just ask.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird that you are so pissed she did it

And I think it is weird she is so adamant about doing it when she knows it bugs you

Y'all have deeper issues I am thinking

[Anonymous]

My exh would get livid about stuff like this. He was hiding money that eventually led to our divorce.

I think it's reasonable to open a priority letter particularly because they are often time-sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Crazy. We open each other's mail. Check email for each other (hey can you look up that ecard for the birthday and text me?) and just have an open door policy when it comes to stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF! You have secret mail delivered to your house.

Yes, I can look at his mail, his phone, his email. He can look at my mail, my phone, my email, my tits.

Geez! Lighten up Francis.

Once in a while he will say... I bought you something don't open the email from Macy's.

But otherwise... what are you hiding?

+1 I know, PP…what kind of marriage IS this? I open it all; I take care of it all, and DH has given me the authority to sign his name if needed. If my DH is needed for anything, I stick it under his nose and ask him, then go take care of it.

Life is better when you have transparency with the one who is supposed to be the one you trust the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you trying to hide, OP? You're the one who comes off as controlling and suspicious.

If a woman posted about her husband opening her mail, all of you would be over-the-top indignant.

Nope, I sure wouldn't be. My reaction would be the same--what's she trying to hide?