Do you have a right to open your spouse's mail?

[Anonymous]

What are you trying to hide, OP? You're the one who comes off as controlling and suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH who is still north of livid. I received a priority letter from an insurance broker and found it opened. This is not the first time something lime this has happened. Her response was that she has a right to look at anything that arrives at her house. I would never think of opening anything she orders online that gets delivered.

Am I overreacting? Feel like I am being controlled.

You're not overreacting. I rarely open my spouse's mail. The only time I would is if I needed to verify that something was actually junk before I tossed it, and usually I leave that determination to her. And in those instances, usually it's junk so I do toss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you trying to hide, OP? You're the one who comes off as controlling and suspicious.

If a woman posted about her husband opening her mail, all of you would be over-the-top indignant.

[Anonymous]

Either of us opens anything that is clearly a bill or financial-related information. We don't open something that is clearly personal mail for the other, like a birthday card. We never open each other's packages, since both of us do most of our shopping online you never know if it's something that the other has bought for a birthday or anniversary or something.

Whoever gets home first might mention to the other that they have a package from Amazon or a letter from their company or whatever, and the recipient spouse might mention what it is or say to just leave it for them.

[Anonymous]

My husband opens all mail. I don't care. If he wouldn't collect it, I would only do it once a week. Maybe.

Packages ? Depends. I usually do the ordering. If it's too heavy to pick up he will bring it in and open it. Most times I usually open the boxes.

For the record, I never open his mail or any package he gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial and business mail, definitely yes. Private mail like a card or letter from a friend, no.

This. I generally don't open mail in my husband's name, and vice-versa, but we do sometimes open things that look like bills and/or junk mail. Never a personal letter.

[Anonymous]

Op, either you're crazy and/or trying to hide something inappropriate from your wife or your wife is controlling and that's why you're so sensitive, but in isolation, this incident is not an issue. If this is the only thing, then yes you are over reacting.

[Anonymous]

If I didn't open my husband's mail, it would never get opened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you trying to hide, OP? You're the one who comes off as controlling and suspicious.

If a woman posted about her husband opening her mail, all of you would be over-the-top indignant.

This is repeated in almost every thread- "If a man did this, you would _____." "If a woman did this, ______." I don't think it always applies. Personally, I don't give a shit if my husband opens my mail because everything I can't think of anything I would receive that would not concern him in some way. I guess I view mail as shared dominion between spouses. Now, if I saw he was logging into my email and reading messages I would be annoyed, but regular old mail that might involve finances or our home or shared property? Don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial and business mail, definitely yes. Private mail like a card or letter from a friend, no.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you trying to hide, OP? You're the one who comes off as controlling and suspicious.

If a woman posted about her husband opening her mail, all of you would be over-the-top indignant.

If it were personal? Maybe. This isn't.

Am I the only one who thinks OP is pissed because he's taking an insurance policy out on his DW so he can off her for the insurance proceeds and now he's "livid" because he's afraid she's onto him? No? Anyone?

[Anonymous]

I think I would actually be MORE likely to open a priority letter because they come so rarely and are usually significant/of timely importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial and business mail, definitely yes. Private mail like a card or letter from a friend, no.

+1

+2

My ex flipping out on me for opening "his" mail eventually led to the revelation that he had several secret new credit cards, and was busy digging us into thousands of dollars of debt.

It wasn't really "his" mail, btw-- it was a overdraft notice addressed to just him, from our joint account.

He had no problem racking up credit card charges that I was also responsible for (even though I had nothing to do with it). Lying hypocrite.

It's not like she tapped your phone, op. I don't see why you're upset, unless you have something to hide.

[Anonymous]

Believe it or not, it is technically a federal crime, just as it would be to open a stranger's mail:

http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/is-it-illegal-to-open-your-spouse-s-mail--112699.html


However, it looks like it is not typically enforced:

http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/can-my-spouse-open-my-mail-legally-without-his-nam-895316.html

Be careful with that email, though:
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/appeals-court-rules-husband-can-be-charged-criminally-for-reading-wifes-email/

[Anonymous]

I think only people with something to hide would be "livid" over this. There's nothing married people should be doing with mail that is a secret.