Gifted/Special Needs

[Anonymous]

OP, your son sounds a lot like my own at that age. We got the school system to place him in a non-public. From there, we pushed (in some cases fought) for him to receive advanced academics. As his behavior improved, we switched to less restrictive (or more academically focused) non-publics. For high school, he is in a non-public located in a high school and is taking mostly mainstream classes. We have our fingers crossed.

What the public schools can do depends so much on your child's behavior. They won't focus on advanced academics if he is not socially and emotionally behaving in a manner that the school believes is appropriate. Been there, done that and then some.

My son was first diagnosed with ADHD, then PDD-NOS was added later. I didn't read the other post, but Strattera and Bupropion have worked the best. Actually, maturity has made the biggest difference. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thank you- OP here. I appreciate all of the responses and perspectives. Homework is beginning to ramp up now, in 3rd.

I think I'm going to try to leave him in his private school for now- it's expensive, but I know that he is receiving strong academics throughout the day.

I was telling my DH that the issues are more "in the moment" problems vs any real defiance around school work or other tasks. It's more emotional regulation than true opposition in that regard.

All of this is very helpful- I have heard from a few sources that stimulant medication may exacerbate problems with tics and anxiety. We will definitely be asking that when go down the road of medication.

It's good to feel not so alone in this issue- I try not to get frustrated with DS, but his outbursts and disrespect try my patience. I know it's not willful, but some days it's exasperating to fight the same battles that many parents left behind in the preschool years.

[Anonymous]

OP - you probably want to think about what your Plan B would be if the private school asked you to leave, or not return next year because they feel they can't manage the emotional or behavioral issues. It can happen - hopefully it won't - and you need to know what you would do next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you probably want to think about what your Plan B would be if the private school asked you to leave, or not return next year because they feel they can't manage the emotional or behavioral issues. It can happen - hopefully it won't - and you need to know what you would do next.

OP here- yes, it's dawning on me that if things get much worse, DS may not be able to remain in his school. I've been trying to look at it as feedback on how difficult things really are, rather than something to be distressed about.

I'm coming to the realization that I *help* DS too much (this was touched in by one of the other PPs). Without my constant intervention, DS would have more external problems. On the one hand, it helps us function day to day, on the other, DS needs to build more skills and apply them independently. My point is that if DD cannot function well in a school with little formal accommodation, then he needs the formal accommodations of a therapeutic private school or a public school with a written plan for behavior challenges. I don't always know what doesn't work until it doesn't work, what will get better, and what may get whole lot worse. It's been the nature of raising a child with ADHD and social deficits- at least in our house.

Another PP talked about the "cool" kids in private school and finding a group/tribe when you're quirky and challenged. It made me laugh because it's true- the boys in DS's class seem much more competent and their interests/abilities seem more aligned with boy currency (in our area, boy currency is team sports). It's interesting (tangent) I was talking with another mom whose son definitely fits this generalization. She said that her son privately prefers more scholarly interests, but hides it because he perceives the boys in class to be primarily focused on sports and he badly wants to fit in. Sometimes our "tribe " is right there-- but everyone has a need for belonging. Fortunately, at our school, cool does not mean unkind. We've had some minor bullying amd exclusion to deal with, but it was short lived.

[Anonymous]

Your problem is going to be the poor/unchallengin academics at therapeutic schools. IME.

[Anonymous]

I realize your son does not have Aspergers, but we have been very pleased with the Aspergers program at MCPS for our middle school daughter who is also high IQ. The school has really helped socially. She has formed friendships and learned self control, etc. The academics have been fine. They are not always challenging, but that is OK with me, since she really is auto didactic to a large degree. In high school she will have more to choose form. I am just happy she likes school and is developing social skills. I have other children in private schools, but MCPS works for her.