Gifted/Special Needs

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if this is a question or a vent-- but I have an eight year old who has ADHD, social pragmatics deficits, and an IQ of 145. He's in private school (we are former DCers, now relocated) and is not doing very well. I've already gotten 2 calls from the school about some bad days-becoming emotional, not following directions, etc.

I don't know what to do-- the school meets his academic needs. I have looked both private/public. The public schools seem to be looking for high achievers (not necessarily gifted children) for their advanced programs-- his behavior may keep him out. The only school in the area that can meet his social/emotional needs said flatly that they can't really accommodate a child working as far above grade level (he's 2+ years ahead of the 3rd grade coursework in language arts and math).

DS is having meltdowns at home when he feels even the tiniest bit frustrated over homework. This morning he had a huge fit because he had difficulty with one math problem and became so disregulated that he answered every subsequent math problem wrong (work that he knows the answers to when he's calm). When I suggested coming back to the work later, he completely melted down and started screaming all kinds of disrespectful things. He seems to blame me personally when any little thing goes wrong. I'm considering a homework tutor this year so we can get out of this negative cycle.

I guess it's a vent-- I've been reading a book that suggests many kids with ADHD actually meet the criteria for HFA and are misdiagnosed. With my son's social issues, obsessive interests, and anxious/perfectionistic/oppositional behavior-- I really wonder if ADHD is the correct diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

The meltdowns and the blaming us for everything certainly sounds like my HFA kid! Unless he has serious social problems and repetitive behaviors you won't actually get that diagnosis. But I do think ADHD is closely related to the spectrum and maybe apart of it, so reading some things about HFA might give you some insight.

Is his ADHD medicated? All of those sorts of issues are much worse for our DS when his ADHD meds are out of whack.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 2e (ADHD) kid here. Without knowing your school system, it's hard to comment, but FCPS generally does a great job with 2e kids in the AAP program, and worked with us to get a good 504 in place. AAP Centers are very used to 2e kids and generally well equipped to deal with them. Also, agree with PP that a medication adjustment is probably in order. And the best thing we did was hire and ADHD/organizational tutor (we use Educational Connections). It did a great job of pulling parents out of the homework battles. GL'

[Anonymous]

More questions than answers -

When was last time he had an evaluation? Is he getting any sort of therapy (CBT?) to help with his emotions? That sounds like it could help regardless of the school setting.

Hang in there - 2E kids are really challenging. I think that the priority for the moment should probably be the emotional/behavioral stuff rather than the academics. But that's just a guy reaction to reading your post.

[Anonymous]

^^ Gut reaction. sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The meltdowns and the blaming us for everything certainly sounds like my HFA kid! Unless he has serious social problems and repetitive behaviors you won't actually get that diagnosis. But I do think ADHD is closely related to the spectrum and maybe apart of it, so reading some things about HFA might give you some insight.

Is his ADHD medicated? All of those sorts of issues are much worse for our DS when his ADHD meds are out of whack.

OP here- he's not medicated, although we're getting ready to make that leap. He does have serious social problems, but they seem to be responding to social skills therapy. He has some transient tics and occasionally shows behavior that is OCD-like, but it comes and goes. Primary issues are impulsivity, emotional regulation, and distractibility.

Even his neuropsych acknowledged that he is complex- two diagnoses language impairment/ADHD and gifted/exceptionally gifted across all areas of intellectual functioning except processing (86th percentile). Apparently, all of these are things are interacting into alphabet soup. His best chance in school is a 2e learning environment, but those are few and far between.

I'm at my wit's end-- I just finished telling my husband that we need to suck it up for an academic, special needs tutor. I don't think I can deal with another year of pencils flying across the room, homework crumpled up, my almost (nine!) year old screaming at me and flailing on the floor. Now, for the first time, he's losing it at school. Last week, he had an altercation with another kid, cried, then ran and hid-- the teachers had to find him and coax him back to class.

[Anonymous]

You can push a public school to meet gifted/SN on an IEP, but I've had mixed results in doing so. They're often not capable of dealing. On the other hand, they are required by law to at least try to deal with the kids' needs. Private schools aren't even required to try. Our private school experience was a disaster.

Hang in there, OP.Both of my gifted/SN kids are now in middle school, and middle school is much better able to meet their needs than the elementary schools were. The kids have flexibility in classwork (high honors classes for both of them) but still have the access to counselors and speech therapists and classroom aids as needed. The increased variety of extra-curriculars (robotics and drama, choir and band) also made my kids lives better. There were more smart kids who were interested in the things that they like. Middle school has been a much better fit for both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DS is having meltdowns at home when he feels even the tiniest bit frustrated over homework. This morning he had a huge fit because he had difficulty with one math problem and became so disregulated that he answered every subsequent math problem wrong (work that he knows the answers to when he's calm). When I suggested coming back to the work later, he completely melted down and started screaming all kinds of disrespectful things. He seems to blame me personally when any little thing goes wrong. I'm considering a homework tutor this year so we can get out of this negative cycle.

I guess it's a vent-- I've been reading a book that suggests many kids with ADHD actually meet the criteria for HFA and are misdiagnosed. With my son's social issues, obsessive interests, and anxious/perfectionistic/oppositional behavior-- I really wonder if ADHD is the correct diagnosis.

Mine has been--in the past-- like this as well but did not meet criteria for ADHD or for ASD. No obsessive interests, for example, rules him out of an ASD diagnosis. And his symptoms weren't present enough at home for an ADHD diagnosis. They're all just diagnostic boxes; keep that in mind.

However, that doesn't help with your school and home problems. Social skills therapy, martial arts, and cognitive behavior therapy have helped a lot for mine. Meltdowns are MUCH less frequent, flexibility is increased, and he has more friends.

He's still got something 'off' but he doesn't fit into a box very well. So I feel your pain but not sure what to advise.

[Anonymous]

The defiance and oppositional behavior is the ADHD... At least according to our child psychiatrist. I have a kid who is 8 with both ADHD, combined type, and ASD/Asperger's with a very high IQ. Agree with the pp that his meds may need to be adjusted.

The emotional regulation will improve as he gets older with more maturity. Mine did. My childhood was a series of daily meltdowns (only at home) until 10. Diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.

My kid with ASD/ADHD is an angel compared to how I was at 8. He rarely has meltdowns, maybe 3-4 times a yr. It is important that he learns how to deal with frustration yet at the same time, I don't want academics to be "too easy" for him. We solved this issue by sending him to a Mandarin immersion school (no one else in our family knows Mandarin). His cousins who have a similar profile play chess competitively and learn computer programming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The defiance and oppositional behavior is the ADHD... At least according to our child psychiatrist. I have a kid who is 8 with both ADHD, combined type, and ASD/Asperger's with a very high IQ. Agree with the pp that his meds may need to be adjusted.

The emotional regulation will improve as he gets older with more maturity. Mine did. My childhood was a series of daily meltdowns (only at home) until 10. Diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.

My kid with ASD/ADHD is an angel compared to how I was at 8. He rarely has meltdowns, maybe 3-4 times a yr. It is important that he learns how to deal with frustration yet at the same time, I don't want academics to be "too easy" for him. We solved this issue by sending him to a Mandarin immersion school (no one else in our family knows Mandarin). His cousins who have a similar profile play chess competitively and learn computer programming.

Also, you should look into the Davidson institute. They run programs over the summer and provide supports for profoundly gifted kids.

Definitely find a good child psych to manage the ADHD. My nephews attend a charter for gifted kids (iq over 130) essentially a public gifted program and they are very happy with the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a 2e (ADHD) kid here. Without knowing your school system, it's hard to comment, but FCPS generally does a great job with 2e kids in the AAP program, and worked with us to get a good 504 in place. AAP Centers are very used to 2e kids and generally well equipped to deal with them. Also, agree with PP that a medication adjustment is probably in order. And the best thing we did was hire and ADHD/organizational tutor (we use Educational Connections). It did a great job of pulling parents out of the homework battles. GL'

Fairfax does okay as long as the second "E" is mild HFA and mild to moderate ADHD and possibly for mild LDs. However, for anything else it is a crap shoot. We have had to fight long and hard for DC's appropriate services and he was a slam dunk wrt to an IEP. We are in a very good place right now, in HS, but it took years of unrelenting advocacy, education and $$$ (for private intervention, testing and advocates). We still have sensitive battle scars.

[Anonymous]

My smart kid with ADHD almost got asked to leave his private. We started medication and it has made a huge difference, both at school and with his siblings at home.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a pp that you can push a public school for GT services. I would add that it is much more difficult to push a mainstream private school on SN.

There is no perfect school. So, look at what schools are available to you and see what things you can do privately to fill in the holes. We ended up sticking with private and supplementing. The school could handle the academic side of things and some of the SN and we picked up the rest. For our younger son it was weekly (2-3 times a week) hour long tutoring sessions with a reading specialist that was certified, experienced and trained in teaching children with dyslexia and dysgraphia. She helped with reading, spelling and writing from 2nd grade to mid 7th grade. We also added a LCSW for the anxiety and other mental issues that were simmering (mild OCD and significant introvertedness). The LCSW also ran a weekly social skills group our older DC attended who is HFA- that private intervention was key for him too. He attended weekly from 4th grade to 12 th grade.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have two SN kids - one is HFA/GAD/ADHD and the other we thought ADHD/GAD. Both with I.Q.s sufficiently high for Youth Mensa if you are into that sort of thing. The first has had the most difficulty functioning due to the Aspergers, which now, in college, is patently obvious. He struggles with organizational issues and writing papers. The younger child has been completely transformed from a blah student who couldn't find her homework in her backpack to a superstar but only after we stopped meds and switched schools. If you can swing it financially and physically (I have no idea where you live) look at Commonwealth Academy in Alexandria for 3rd grade for your son. C/A is a private prep school for ADHD kids. Its high senior class is filled with 2e kids who have done astoundingly well on SATs (800s), ACTs (35s), national merit semi-finalists, 720 on subject matter tests, AP courses, etc. I cannot say enough good about the school and what it has done for my daughter. It is tiny, however, and they do not take children with behavioral issues. 3rd grade is especially small because it was started only a few years ago. The City of Alexandria has a cap on the number of students C/A can have because it is in a residential area so is operating at capacity. Anyhow, worth a look this year if you can financially swing it. Those parents driving a long distance form car pools. C/A occasionally takes a child early in the year if it has room and if the fit is right so you could call and see if they have room but I do have qualms about the behavioral issues you listed. I wish I had found it in time for my Aspie, but, then, C/A isn't chartered for Aspies, but at the time he would have applied, it was not apparent so he might have gotten in. Anyhow, I know C/A is at capacity + 1 but might be an answer for you. Good luck. I hope you find the right answer. Sorry I don't have phone no. memorized and am at labor day event typing on someone else's phone.

[Anonymous]

Adderall + tutor == 180 degree turn for our 2e/ ADHD kid. It also made me realize just how frustrated and miserable he was dealing with a high IQ but low processing speed and other issues surrounding ADHD (and possibly very mild HFA). Seeing the change, and how much happier and more confident he became, I really wished we had gone the medication route earlier (we held out until MS when he became unable to function with changing classes and assignments from multiple teachers). I know it's hard to bite the bullet and medicate a kid, but with a good MD (use a child psych. And not your pediatrician!!!) who is thoughtful about medication, it *can* make a huge difference in your child's quality of life. (And we dealt with the same types of meltdowns and blames through ES-- You are not alone in that! I really do think it is often a bright child who is very frustrated). Good Luck!