I love my husband as a partner but not a father.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to work this out with him now because, trust me, you will start to feel more resentful, become bitter, and then you will be back on here asking about what steps to take for a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I second the suggestion to take a trip, even one overnight. Or you could start small - a few hours on a weekend afternoon here and there. That's when my husband does his best learning and work as a parent, when I'm not around. Then when you get home, compliment compliment compliment, even if he's pissed that you went away. If he doesn't start changing after a few months then you do need a to start reevaluating your relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

OP why do you distinguish here between partner and father? To me, he is failing as a partner because he is being selfish and unsupportive.its not about being a bad father, it's first and foremost being a bad partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why do you distinguish here between partner and father? To me, he is failing as a partner because he is being selfish and unsupportive.its not about being a bad father, it's first and foremost being a bad partner.

+1

[Anonymous]

You need to have a heartfelt discussion with him asap that you feel he should be more engaged as a parent.

Offer up your support if he has any questions or concerns, but he needs to know that it takes two to tango and therefore he needs to step in and help you out.

It always seems to me as if women's lives change more once a baby arrives. For many men, there is little to no change in their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I second the suggestion to take a trip, even one overnight. Or you could start small - a few hours on a weekend afternoon here and there. That's when my husband does his best learning and work as a parent, when I'm not around. Then when you get home, compliment compliment compliment, even if he's pissed that you went away. If he doesn't start changing after a few months then you do need a to start reevaluating your relationship with him.

In other words, treat him like a 3 yr old and praise him for doing what is expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I second the suggestion to take a trip, even one overnight. Or you could start small - a few hours on a weekend afternoon here and there. That's when my husband does his best learning and work as a parent, when I'm not around. Then when you get home, compliment compliment compliment, even if he's pissed that you went away. If he doesn't start changing after a few months then you do need a to start reevaluating your relationship with him.

In other words, treat him like a 3 yr old and praise him for doing what is expected.

Seriously. Is it too much to expect a man to act like a grown ass adult/parent?

I guess, according to DCUM, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I second the suggestion to take a trip, even one overnight. Or you could start small - a few hours on a weekend afternoon here and there. That's when my husband does his best learning and work as a parent, when I'm not around. Then when you get home, compliment compliment compliment, even if he's pissed that you went away. If he doesn't start changing after a few months then you do need a to start reevaluating your relationship with him.

In other words, treat him like a 3 yr old and praise him for doing what is expected.

Seriously. Is it too much to expect a man to act like a grown ass adult/parent?

I guess, according to DCUM, it is.

+1 also can't understand the distinction between partner father here. He's failing at both.

[Anonymous]

I wrote that about taking a trip. I was inspired by the Nytimes article 6 years ago called What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage. Praising works really well for me when I'm trying to get something I need. It's gotten me to the point where I can leave for days at a time (I've done several weekend trips this summer like that) and at least once per weekend and DH and my DD are great together. It's gotten me a reasonably equitable distribution of parenting - ie DH does all bedtimes- and DH is a confident parent. Just leaving for a few hours or an overnight is how i got the ball rolling.

OP surely you must need a haircut or to have lunch with a friend or go grocery shopping alone sometimes, right? You don't take the baby on all errands, do you?

Of course if it doesn't work for you and a come-to-Jesus talk doesn't either, then it might be time to break up. I'd rather be a single parent than shoulder all of that burden with an unhelpful spouse around.