Should a parent be present for health physical appointment for early teen (14 year appointment)

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset, too, if my child were saying she wanted me to stay and I felt pressured to leave her. Not much you can do now. But moving forward I would let her know you'll stay with her if she wants but that you'd like her to work toward being comfortable without you there--and ask her if she would like to try out another doctor instead. She may need a better fit, along with your encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous

I prefer to step out. It takes a village, and the pediatrician, whom I trust, can be a good resource or support for any topics on which DD needs an objective answer but doesn't feel comfortable asking me or her dad.

+1 If you don't trust your pediatrician, you should get a new one.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be upset, too, if my child were saying she wanted me to stay and I felt pressured to leave her. Not much you can do now. But moving forward I would let her know you'll stay with her if she wants but that you'd like her to work toward being comfortable without you there--and ask her if she would like to try out another doctor instead. She may need a better fit, along with your encouragement.

I'm 19:27 and 18:42 and I agree completely with this. The situation probably happened so quickly OP didn't feel like there was a choice -- I've been there, done that, in a variety of situations -- but what I would emphasize in the future is that it's DD's choice either way who to have with her and that whatever it is I will respect that and help her make sure everyone involved in her medical care respects that.

IMO for a routine appointment, or most appointments where it's not a procedure with safety concerns or space limitations, the patient should be able to choose who if anyone to have with them and I don't think it's good for a doctor to be putting pressure on that decision any more than I think it appropriate for a parent to put pressure on the child to allow them to remain.

My DD has the right to make choices about her medical care and have those choices, and her consent or lack thereof to have something happen, respected. I'll always be her second (or first, depending on if she can do so for herself and will) advocate for her consent and her choices in life to be respected wherever possible, so I would likely apologize to her for contributing to a situation where it seemed like she was disrespectfully and inappropriately pressured into something and then find out how she would like to proceed. I'd offer to help her switch doctors to someone more willing to respect a patient's rights, to say something to the dr. on her behalf, help her think of something to say to the dr., do nothing if she says it's no big deal, or any other option along that range.

But I would definitely promise that, absent an emergency or other time-sensitive essential reason, in the future I would not let anyone pressure me to make a decision different from one she's comfortable with in a situation like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am present but step out for the physical exam. Mom with 2 boys.

Appropriate decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, you need to step out because the doctor needs to ask about sex, suicide, drugs, abuse, depression etc... that a child would never talk about in front of a parent. You do not have to step outside for the exam if your child is okay with it, but you do need a few minutes away so the doctor can ask some questions.

Yes. This.

[Anonymous]

It's also good for your teen to start taking baby steps towards taking responsibility for her own health care. Baby steps so that when she goes to college, she is confident having a conversation with a doctor and advocating for herself.

My DD was uncomfortable the first time this happened, mostly because they talked about things that were embarrassing (female dr) but the next year, she was ready and perfectly willing to continue that conversation on her own.

If your doctor is a male, there is normally a female nurse in the room too.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 15 year old boy. I am there for the initial Q&A and then step out during the physical. That's also the time where the dr asks about drugs/sex/etc.

Personally, I think you should step out at least for the bit where they ask about sex and drugs. I say it's up to you and your child if you want to stay for the actual physical.