Ex asks me to watch DS on his nights, a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist told me to consider myself a full time parent and accept any nights that DS stays with his dad as a gift. It really sucks being the only responsible one in a case like this, but it's a reality that is worth accepting. Lower your expectations and you will find yourself happier.

At one point, my ex agreed to give me an extra $400 a month to pay for sitters on the nights that I had plans and had to cancel or hire sitters because ex decided he couldn't take DS (even though he was scheduled to).

Eventually, I got full physical custody and child support based on that. There was no fight. Ex didn't want custody. Ex sees DS only 48 hours a month. I wish it was more for my son's sake, but I can't control it (other than to make it easy for him to see DS when he wishes to do so).

Life isn't fair. Divorce sucks. But it does get better. DS is older and I am regaining some independence. I have a great relationship with him because we spend so much time together. So there are blessings.

I think this is good advice. Maybe schedule your events when you have him. At least then you can get babysitting scheduled ahead of time rather than losing your tickets. You would have more control over the situation.

[Anonymous]

My ex does this too and for the most part I accommodate him and YES, I am a pushover. However, I want to make sure my kids are taken care of they way they should be. However, my ex does pay child support and I have custody, he only has EOWE.

I have thought of just saying "no" or not answering the phone, etc and might have done that if it happened too often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this about money or are you annoyed he's banging other chicks?

I've "banged" him before, so I'm not too jealous knowing he might be banging other chicks. I just don't want this to be another 15 years of me and my time being disrespected and me financially burdened. Because it's not just about me getting DS on every holiday I'd like a break, or me having to lose out on an event I planned for 3 months in advance.

This is so incredibly sad. Two parents fighting over having to spend too much time with their child. Why in the hell did you even have one?

[Anonymous]

Charge him $100 or $200 per day that he switches. Tell him that is the cost of the sitter you had to get to cover for him. Also, carefully document each and every case of him switching so that in the event that you want to take the custody battle to court that you have a diary of all of the times that he bailed on being an active father. It will support your case when you file for a custody change or if you have to amend your child support, or if you need to request that child support be garnished from his wages (which you should request, since he is unreliable in paying it voluntarily).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this about money or are you annoyed he's banging other chicks?

I've "banged" him before, so I'm not too jealous knowing he might be banging other chicks. I just don't want this to be another 15 years of me and my time being disrespected and me financially burdened. Because it's not just about me getting DS on every holiday I'd like a break, or me having to lose out on an event I planned for 3 months in advance.

This is so incredibly sad. Two parents fighting over having to spend too much time with their child. Why in the hell did you even have one?

NP here. OP has said she loves her child and would want full custody of him if she could have it. Her concern is not wanting to spend more time with her child; it's her ex reneging on his responsibilities and requiring her to drop everything to suit his wants at the last minute. So she has to break commitments to other people and events.

[Anonymous]

12:35 - OP isn't upset about spending "too much time" with her child. She says she'd go for full custody. She's upset because (a) her ex isn't paying what he's supposed to, so she's picking up the slack (and there isn't always a lot of slack when you're a single parent), and (b) her ex is being really inconsiderate and irresponsible. She has commitments too. She knows not to schedule things that conflict with her time with the kid; he should be adult enough to do the same.

OP, I hope you are the one that gets to claim the kid every year for your taxes; a lot of times when people do 50% custody, they expect to switch off who gets the tax exemption. In your case, if you've got him more of the time, you should claim him every year.

My ex only has our daughter two days a week; that was what he requested in the beginning and he's never agreed to take on more. We're pretty flexible about covering for each other - sometimes I'll pick her up on my days "off" so he can fit in a workout; he'll do things to help me out, like dropping me off at a party so I don't have to drive my car. I did get really annoyed at him one time when he changed plans on me because I had made a date - rare for me - and I couldn't switch the night because the guy had custody of his kids on the other nights and that was our only mutual night off. I ended up covering for him, but being resentful, and he kind of owed me one after that. (Right now he's deployed - by choice - so I'm on 24/7 parent duty and it is HARD.)

Good luck!