Boyfriend taking and sending pics without my knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you are blowing this way out of proportion. I don't think it's a big deal at all, unless the photos are intimate. Maybe I'm not understanding something. Can't you just ask him nicely not to do it again?

Op here. The thing is, this will be the third time I have to speak to him about this. 3 feing times. I just dont get how he cant understand not to do this.

Then grow a fecking spine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fully dressed in the photo? There's nothing inherently wrong with him sending an appropriate photo to you if his friends; I'm sure he is proud that you are his. But there is a problem with the fact that you've asked him not to do it and he continues to do so.

But why do you hate pictures of yourself so much, to the point that you never allow your BF to take any? That seems a bit extreme. But he certainly should respect your wishes.

I'm not a fan of taking pics. I don't mind if there's something going on that warrants pictures like an event or anything but I'll never go out of my way to take pictures myself or ask for pictures taken of me. I've just never really cared. I don't use social media to show off myself or be any amount of vain, I just keep up with friends and other things. If anyone ever asks to take a selfie with me, I say no. A lot of times, people waste more time worrying about taking a picture than actually enjoying the moment. I just dont understand why he cant respect this. Btw, I am 28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
How old are you?


You sound really immature.

Did you know at the time he was taking a picture of you? If so, then you could expect that he might share it or post it.


You actually are the one who sounds immature and lame. Who cares if she's young? Is that a reason to hate on her?

Get over yourself, you miserable cow.


I'm the pp who asked age. If a guy older than 20 did this, my suggestion is to bail out quickly because HE is immature or a total creep. I don't think it is okay for a guy under 20 to do, either, but I could see an over-eager HS guy doing it and not necessarily writing him off forever if it's the first time he did it. It's violating and inappropriate no matter what.


Boyfriend is 32! Perhaps he did it because he has zero pictures of me on his phone but still. I feel violated.



Let's cut to the chase. I can see either side of the argument, and for me personally it's no big deal (unless it's naked pics or pictures during sex, etc). But you don't like it and you can't even talk to him about it. He's not for you.

A relationship doesn't have to be actively bad for you to end it. It just has to not be what you're looking for.


There's really no other issues. I am just shocked he did this. I mean why doesnt he just invite the guy over for dinner? I will say that after just 2 weeks of dating he wanted me to meet all his soccer friends. I know he's very attracted to me and thinks i am out of his league. I actually think he's so hot. Hes also foreign so maybe he wants to show off as none of his friends are married/ in relationships with americans. I'm dreading this awkward conversation I need to have with him tonight.

His friends do not believe you exist. They are giving him grief b/c they have never met you. So he takes a picture of you and says see she is real. You should break up with him and spare him your craziness. Really? You are too shy to stop and say hi, but want people to come over for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
How old are you?


You sound really immature.

Did you know at the time he was taking a picture of you? If so, then you could expect that he might share it or post it.


You actually are the one who sounds immature and lame. Who cares if she's young? Is that a reason to hate on her?

Get over yourself, you miserable cow.


I'm the pp who asked age. If a guy older than 20 did this, my suggestion is to bail out quickly because HE is immature or a total creep. I don't think it is okay for a guy under 20 to do, either, but I could see an over-eager HS guy doing it and not necessarily writing him off forever if it's the first time he did it. It's violating and inappropriate no matter what.


Boyfriend is 32! Perhaps he did it because he has zero pictures of me on his phone but still. I feel violated.



Let's cut to the chase. I can see either side of the argument, and for me personally it's no big deal (unless it's naked pics or pictures during sex, etc). But you don't like it and you can't even talk to him about it. He's not for you.

A relationship doesn't have to be actively bad for you to end it. It just has to not be what you're looking for.


There's really no other issues. I am just shocked he did this. I mean why doesnt he just invite the guy over for dinner? I will say that after just 2 weeks of dating he wanted me to meet all his soccer friends. I know he's very attracted to me and thinks i am out of his league. I actually think he's so hot. Hes also foreign so maybe he wants to show off as none of his friends are married/ in relationships with americans. I'm dreading this awkward conversation I need to have with him tonight.

His friends do not believe you exist. They are giving him grief b/c they have never met you. So he takes a picture of you and says see she is real. You should break up with him and spare him your craziness. Really? You are too shy to stop and say hi, but want people to come over for dinner?

This isn't true. I've met most of his friends at weddings and dinner parties. He has over 30 soccer friends and I really have no desire to meet them all especially at the same time. He could have asked me if he could send the picture or introduced me to the friend at the soccer field.

[Anonymous]

OMG OP - you are seriously emotionally high maintenance. Should he take / pics of you and send them after you've asked him not to 3 times? Of course not. That goes for anything you ask of a significant other because they should respect your wishes. But your attitude about pictures / meeting friends / interacting with your life is definitely towards the extreme end of the spectrum and borders o pathological. Not being into taking pictures is normal, actively trying to ensure your picture doesn't get taken is extreme and says more about your issues than the people taking the pictures.

Also - you want him to respect your wishes, but what about respecting his? He plays soccer and has teammates he wants to introduce you to. I get there are 30 of them and this is to your idea of fun, but unless it will actively cause you a panic attack just suck it up and do it to make him happy. And seek help if your aversion to doing so is so strong that it prevents you from normal social interactions (which meeting his teammates after a YEAR of dating is.)

[Anonymous]

Whatever it's the principal that matters here. He took a picture without my knowledge and sent it to some guy I don't know. Shouldn't I be able to trust him not to do this?


My boyfriend is from a country where most people don't marry outside their race. He never expressed interest in introducing them to me until yesterday. I was caught off guard by this. His cultural can also be very judgemetal and the idea of meeting30 of them at the same time is not something I want to do . One soccer friend is having a wedding soon so most of his friends will be there if I choose to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP - you are seriously emotionally high maintenance. Should he take / pics of you and send them after you've asked him not to 3 times? Of course not. That goes for anything you ask of a significant other because they should respect your wishes. But your attitude about pictures / meeting friends / interacting with your life is definitely towards the extreme end of the spectrum and borders o pathological. Not being into taking pictures is normal, actively trying to ensure your picture doesn't get taken is extreme and says more about your issues than the people taking the pictures.

Also - you want him to respect your wishes, but what about respecting his? He plays soccer and has teammates he wants to introduce you to. I get there are 30 of them and this is to your idea of fun, but unless it will actively cause you a panic attack just suck it up and do it to make him happy. And seek help if your aversion to doing so is so strong that it prevents you from normal social interactions (which meeting his teammates after a YEAR of dating is.)

I disagree she has the right to feel this way and his boyfriend should RESPECT this. Some people don't want their pictures on social media.

[Anonymous]

Then regardless of who's "right" in this situation, it's more than that. You're not really able to have an "this is what we agree on for our relationship" understanding about something that is making each of you have negative feelings about the other's judgment. At the very least, it's good information about a lack of compatibility in some areas that feel like they matter to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then regardless of who's "right" in this situation, it's more than that. You're not really able to have an "this is what we agree on for our relationship" understanding about something that is making each of you have negative feelings about the other's judgment. At the very least, it's good information about a lack of compatibility in some areas that feel like they matter to you.

I don't agree with this take away (necessarily). I am very private with social media/pictures too, but have a friend who tries to take my photos anyway and uploads them onto facebook. I find this incredibly disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then regardless of who's "right" in this situation, it's more than that. You're not really able to have an "this is what we agree on for our relationship" understanding about something that is making each of you have negative feelings about the other's judgment. At the very least, it's good information about a lack of compatibility in some areas that feel like they matter to you.

I don't agree with this take away (necessarily). I am very private with social media/pictures too, but have a friend who tries to take my photos anyway and uploads them onto facebook. I find this incredibly disrespectful.

There is nothing here saying the guy put them on social media. Just that he snapped a quick candid photo and sent it to his friends.

I don't think you can dictate how people communicate with their friends OP. It might be upsetting to know everything an SO tells a friend about you but everyone needs a safe outlet to talk about their thoughts. Would you have cared if he'd just shown the person a picture of you? It wasn't a naked picture or anything on the internet at large, it was sending a completely appropriate picture to a friend. I think what the BF shouldn't have done is promise to do something (ie, never take a picture of you?) that he didn't think he was capable of doing. I agree with other PPs, it sounds like you're just incompatible (and that you in particular need a special kind of guy who will be ok with a weird request like this) and that you should just move on. Or accept that today, snapping and sending pictures is just a part of normal life and you have to get over it. I would think something like this is like, asking the person you're dating not to drink or touch you in public or something. Its a request that causes people to reexamine automatic behavior which is much harder then just like, 'i'm the kind of girl that likes flowers, remember to send them once a month.'

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed too. This is so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then regardless of who's "right" in this situation, it's more than that. You're not really able to have an "this is what we agree on for our relationship" understanding about something that is making each of you have negative feelings about the other's judgment. At the very least, it's good information about a lack of compatibility in some areas that feel like they matter to you.

I don't agree with this take away (necessarily). I am very private with social media/pictures too, but have a friend who tries to take my photos anyway and uploads them onto facebook. I find this incredibly disrespectful.

There is nothing here saying the guy put them on social media. Just that he snapped a quick candid photo and sent it to his friends.

I don't think you can dictate how people communicate with their friends OP. It might be upsetting to know everything an SO tells a friend about you but everyone needs a safe outlet to talk about their thoughts. Would you have cared if he'd just shown the person a picture of you? It wasn't a naked picture or anything on the internet at large, it was sending a completely appropriate picture to a friend. I think what the BF shouldn't have done is promise to do something (ie, never take a picture of you?) that he didn't think he was capable of doing. I agree with other PPs, it sounds like you're just incompatible (and that you in particular need a special kind of guy who will be ok with a weird request like this) and that you should just move on. Or accept that today, snapping and sending pictures is just a part of normal life and you have to get over it. I would think something like this is like, asking the person you're dating not to drink or touch you in public or something. Its a request that causes people to reexamine automatic behavior which is much harder then just like, 'i'm the kind of girl that likes flowers, remember to send them once a month.'

She can dictate where her pictures are being sent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever it's the principal that matters here. He took a picture without my knowledge and sent it to some guy I don't know. Shouldn't I be able to trust him not to do this?


My boyfriend is from a country where most people don't marry outside their race. He never expressed interest in introducing them to me until yesterday. I was caught off guard by this. His cultural can also be very judgemetal and the idea of meeting30 of them at the same time is not something I want to do . One soccer friend is having a wedding soon so most of his friends will be there if I choose to go.

Then walk away. Seriously. Go find your own special brand of crazy to date. Just don't reproduce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OMG OP - you are seriously emotionally high maintenance. Should he take / pics of you and send them after you've asked him not to 3 times? Of course not. That goes for anything you ask of a significant other because they should respect your wishes. But your attitude about pictures / meeting friends / interacting with your life is definitely towards the extreme end of the spectrum and borders o pathological. Not being into taking pictures is normal, actively trying to ensure your picture doesn't get taken is extreme and says more about your issues than the people taking the pictures.

Also - you want him to respect your wishes, but what about respecting his? He plays soccer and has teammates he wants to introduce you to. I get there are 30 of them and this is to your idea of fun, but unless it will actively cause you a panic attack just suck it up and do it to make him happy. And seek help if your aversion to doing so is so strong that it prevents you from normal social interactions (which meeting his teammates after a YEAR of dating is.)


I disagree she has the right to feel this way and his boyfriend should RESPECT this. Some people don't want their pictures on social media.

Especially when one's having an affair. No way would I want my picture all over the web(your husband may find them) ....either that or she is crazy.... Only a foreigner would put up with this type of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then regardless of who's "right" in this situation, it's more than that. You're not really able to have an "this is what we agree on for our relationship" understanding about something that is making each of you have negative feelings about the other's judgment. At the very least, it's good information about a lack of compatibility in some areas that feel like they matter to you.

I don't agree with this take away (necessarily). I am very private with social media/pictures too, but have a friend who tries to take my photos anyway and uploads them onto facebook. I find this incredibly disrespectful.

There is nothing here saying the guy put them on social media. Just that he snapped a quick candid photo and sent it to his friends.

I don't think you can dictate how people communicate with their friends OP. It might be upsetting to know everything an SO tells a friend about you but everyone needs a safe outlet to talk about their thoughts. Would you have cared if he'd just shown the person a picture of you? It wasn't a naked picture or anything on the internet at large, it was sending a completely appropriate picture to a friend. I think what the BF shouldn't have done is promise to do something (ie, never take a picture of you?) that he didn't think he was capable of doing. I agree with other PPs, it sounds like you're just incompatible (and that you in particular need a special kind of guy who will be ok with a weird request like this) and that you should just move on. Or accept that today, snapping and sending pictures is just a part of normal life and you have to get over it. I would think something like this is like, asking the person you're dating not to drink or touch you in public or something. Its a request that causes people to reexamine automatic behavior which is much harder then just like, 'i'm the kind of girl that likes flowers, remember to send them once a month.'

She can dictate where her pictures are being sent.

When I text pictures to friends I do not obtain permission slips from everyone that might have been in the picture. And I think this is true for the VAST majority of people. It wasn't an innaprorpriate picture and unless the chick is in witness protection or something she needs to let up.