Marriage better after children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine went to hell on a hand basket after the kids were born. We were incredibly happy before kids, but our lives were just so, so much more stable and less stressful. We slept in. We had more money and flexibility. I definitely had to work much, much harder to support my wife through the transition of being a parent, including figuring out what role she wanted to take in our family (she wanted to SAHM then fell into a depression, then decided to work, then decided to work part time, then found a perfect full time job). It's been insane.

That said, my youngest turned one and I could feel a cloud slowly lifting over my marriage. Yes, kids take up all the space you will let them have. But they need you less as they get older and it's been nice to get beyond the new born/infant/baby sleepless period. I actually prefer toddlers. Who would have thought of that!

Gets easier once they can put their own shoes on and go to the bathroom by themselves. We hardly ever went out as a family because it was so much trouble. I remember the first time I didn't have to bend over an contort myself to buckle their car seat. It was amazing. somehow I remember that more fondly than the sex I had that caused the child in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one so far, five months old, and I feel better as a couple. It has brought is closer. However, don't have a kid to save a marriage (not sure why you are asking this question, but just a suggestion because I think for many it does take a toll).

OP here- not at all. We actually had a hard time as newly weds. We Worked hard together and through it, then dealt with infertility, and health issues. Marriage only got better year after year. It's been about 10 years and we are finally expecting. The pregnancy has been such a loving and rewarding journey for both us. I have felt so supported through out the process of getting and being pregnant. I definitely love him more than I did on our wedding day. I was just wondering what others had experienced. [bold]I have nieces and nephews and I know how challenging babies, toddlers, and children can be.[/bold]

Congrats on your pregnancy, OP!

Must tell you though, you think you know, but you don't. None of us did (and some of us, like you, thought we did!). That said, you soon will, and you will be fine. I think the most important thing for your marriage is patience and good communication.

[Anonymous]

We stopped screaming at each other.

[Anonymous]

First child absolutely. I've never felt as close to him as I did that first year. We were an awesome team. *2, however, almost broke us. Job loss, ppd and special needs kid was/is so frickin hard.

[Anonymous]

Dynamics change. It changes greatly!
But, it's important to remain respectful. If you are annoyed at something, respectfully complain about it, not criticize. If you are in a relationship that has plateau, be respectful by stating your concerns and needs and not start another relationship with someone else until you have respectfully work it out or quit it in your current one.
And respect yourself for trying to find what you deserve. Many people get caught up in the baby thing and forget about their significant others. That doesn't help in the long run unless that person is just toxic for you.

[Anonymous]

Yes it did even though we have less time and are far more tired I think children has made us appreciate the time we do have with each other much more. We also fight much less because we both recognize we don't want our kids growing up in an unhappy home. We also cut back on some other bad habits that were hurting our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes here. Absolutely. It helped that he was helpful, attentive and supportive during the pregnancy and after the birth. It really helped me to see what a wonderful person he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO. Kids add nothing to the relationship. They take and take and take and take...

+1

[Anonymous]

While we have fund outings once in a awhile, Husband has really reverted to bad habits. He leaves dirty clothes, coffee cups, paperwork all over the house. Didn't want to help at all during maternity leave of the second child - just cited his trust fund colleagues who paid for night nurses, overpaid nannies and outsource everything about their household and property.
I soon realized the real baby in the family was him and with his self centered attitude problem he didn't care to get better.

So no, our marriage did not get better. He turned into a clueless pig who doesn't know how to run a house, property, family or schedule. He cars more about impressing his coworkers and his own parents than his spouse and kids.

[Anonymous]

No. Kids are now 21 and 18.

[Anonymous]

We had great relationship pre-kids. Gradually deteriorated in the years after kids to where we just tolerate each other.
Fairly typical story, I think....