5-yr-old daughter wants to be a boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old DD says she IS a boy all the time! I think in her case it is that she likes more stereotypically "boy" toys and characters. I really don't think that it's a gender identity issue in my DD's case.

Have you asked your daughter WHY she wants to be a boy?

Yes and I don't know that I have heard an answer or maybe haven't figured out how to ask well enough. This post has been the one on my mind Saturday, thanks.

PP here. I don't get good answers to that question either. I thought it was just me.

My DD does many of the things you say yours does - she is always a male character and I'm the female in her pretend play. She wants to be called a boy and will correct me if I call her a girl. She prefers blue clothes and tends toward non-frilly items and rarely wears dresses. She does all of this in public and around friends and family. I expected to hear comments about it but most people play along and/or ignore.

Maybe I am underreacting, but I don't see a need to do anything about it right now other than accept and love her as is and let her be who she is. In my gut I really don't think it's a gender identity issue in my daughter's case. But if it is we will educate ourselves and see what help and support she needs.

You know your kid best. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a phase. Many girls go through this.

Do NOT make a big deal of this. You will cause more harm than good to your child.

Agreed.

I really do think Caitlyn (and Jazz) are causing a bit of an uproar with some people. Just because a child says they want to be the opposite sex, doesn't mean they are transgender. I think we're going to see an increase in transgender kids because it's the new "thing." It does a disservice to those who truly are dealing with it.

OP, don't worry about it now. I don't know that you even need to get your ducks in a row. When she wakes up and says "I'm a boy", ask her why.

How about focusing on what you know, which is absolutely nothing about gender identity?

You're absolutely right. I know nothing about gender identity.

What I do know, though is this is all of a sudden a big thing. Some parents are concerned that what may be normal all of a sudden isn't.

In my opinion, transgender, for a while, could be like ADHD, ASD and anything else that has become the latest diagnosis. Or like suppressed memories. If it's suggested enough it must be true.

Again, I think this does a massive disservice to those who have been actually living with it, and those who are or will be living with it.

OP, go with your gut. I did think initially to let it go but reading posts from parents of transgender teens... go with your gut. If your gut is telling you it's worth gathering information.. then do that. Do what you think is best for your child. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Just wanted to say I think it's great that the advice from parents with transgender kids is available. Thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

NP, and another parent of a FTM trans-teen. The first trans-teen parent above was spot on in her practical advice. Educate yourself, but take it one step at a time. PFlag is a good organization where you can attend support groups (without your child) and learn. Children's has a parent group too but you need to lobby the docs to let you in since your is not part of their program. We did that when we stated to explore the trans-world before we were ready to expose our DC to the clinic several years ago. Another great resource is a group called Gender Spectrum. Now, here is the tough part to hear; you won't find easy answers. There is no medical test (yet) to prove a person is transgender. There are various markers professionals use, but ultimately the RX is
Largely based on the subjects' own perception, behaviors, age, duration of feelings, and the like. I would also recommend you watch the Charlie Rose episode on the brain and gender for a fascinating look at the latest biological evidence /research into transgender condition. All that said, most children the age of your DC will not turn out to be trans , but be educated now so you can be on top of this closer to puberty.

As for comments above warning of a trans bandwagon, don't worry about it. Trust me, no parent wants to have to decide about physical interventions on a minor if they don't feel strongly it is critical. And despite the Caitlan hype, few adolescents or teens really want to change their gender publicly, most are still afraid of stigma, awkwardness, etc. it is hard to do on do on many levels. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here
Thanks all. Especially for the practical advice. Feels like a new world. Some days, DD will wear a dress w/o a fight. Like today. And then I think perhaps I'm expressing unfounded concern. Other days like today, a girl approaches us as we arrive and tells me she is DD's best friend at camp. I ask about the kid later hopeful she's building good friendships. She confides that she wants a boy as a best friend, but that none of the boys from camp like her (she tells me). All normal kid stuff, but always with a gender lens for my DD. I don't remember ever having those kinds of thoughts. I have older siblings so boys were in my world, but...#gofigure

Thanks for sharing your stories and insights.

Will keep loving this kid up and will, regardless of where her journey leads, have a much more developed understanding and empathy for gender nonconforming kids and their families. #allyforlife

[Anonymous]

I am facing a similar issue ( 8.y.o) and I played along. My only concern was/is to tell my daughter not to go into men's bathrooms and/or changing rooms. I just thought it was not safe/healthy for a little girl to be there. (She is at a camp with a lots of field trips to local swimming pool and amusement parks).

[Anonymous]

http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/whydontyoutellthem.pdf

http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/RG-gender_nonconforming_trans_youth.html