If you are a straight woman and a female friend hit on you

[Anonymous]

This happened to me in grad school. I was an RA and so was the other girl, so we spent a lot of time eating popcorn in our jammies in the RA office of the dorm at night. She was always very open about being a lesbian, and I was surprised when she voiced her attraction to me, but it wasn't weird because she was just so frank about it. I told her I was "100% straight" and we continued to be friends. But really I wasn't brave enough to try it, or maybe I let my unwillingness to be in a relationship with a woman get in the way of a subtle interest in experimentation. I wish I could go back to that time and ask her if we could just kiss or something.

She was really pretty, too, and did not dress or carry herself in a "butch" way. I'd always thought of lesbians as butch and mannish, and I find those qualities off-putting, but if I had been less straight-arrow, she was the kind of girl I would have experimented with.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd treat it the same way I'd treat it if a male friend hit on me. Because it's the same thing. If you're not interested, say you're not interested, but you hope it won't affect your friendship. It might. And if telling people would have ripple effects on her life, don't tell anyone in your circle. There can be negative consequences of outing someone, even if they're just bi-curious and not actually bi or gay.

My reaction would be similiar to this. Flattered to be hit on, but not interested.

This is what I did when my drunken bff grabbed my thigh and shoved her tongue down my throat while dropping me off one night.
I think she knew deep down that this wouldn't fly but you can't fault a girl for trying.

Are you still friends?

Yes.. she was embarrassed for a bit but shouldn't have been... I saw it as flattering, she didn't push when I said no, all good.

You were flattered by her drunken behavior? Are your standards always this low?

yes they are, thanks.

Mine too.

Mine are lower, especially when it comes to hot women.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd treat it the same way I'd treat it if a male friend hit on me. Because it's the same thing. If you're not interested, say you're not interested, but you hope it won't affect your friendship. It might. And if telling people would have ripple effects on her life, don't tell anyone in your circle. There can be negative consequences of outing someone, even if they're just bi-curious and not actually bi or gay.

My reaction would be similiar to this. Flattered to be hit on, but not interested.

This is what I did when my drunken bff grabbed my thigh and shoved her tongue down my throat while dropping me off one night.
I think she knew deep down that this wouldn't fly but you can't fault a girl for trying.

Are you still friends?

Yes.. she was embarrassed for a bit but shouldn't have been... I saw it as flattering, she didn't push when I said no, all good.

You were flattered by her drunken behavior? Are your standards always this low?

yes they are, thanks.

Mine too.

Mine are lower, especially when it comes to hot women.

I have none.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd treat it the same way I'd treat it if a male friend hit on me. Because it's the same thing. If you're not interested, say you're not interested, but you hope it won't affect your friendship. It might. And if telling people would have ripple effects on her life, don't tell anyone in your circle. There can be negative consequences of outing someone, even if they're just bi-curious and not actually bi or gay.

My reaction would be similiar to this. Flattered to be hit on, but not interested.

This is what I did when my drunken bff grabbed my thigh and shoved her tongue down my throat while dropping me off one night.
I think she knew deep down that this wouldn't fly but you can't fault a girl for trying.

Are you still friends?

Yes.. she was embarrassed for a bit but shouldn't have been... I saw it as flattering, she didn't push when I said no, all good.

You were flattered by her drunken behavior? Are your standards always this low?

yes they are, thanks.

Mine too.

Mine are lower, especially when it comes to hot women.

I have none.

Mine must be low as well!

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who made a pass at me. I pretended not to notice. It was the British way of dealing with things I think (I am British) and it saved her any embarrassment of rejection. We stayed friends until she died.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend in college who wanted to experiment and kept announcing, "jokingly," in group settings that she wanted to jump me. Finally, one night we were alone for a moment at a party, so I kissed her to kind of call her bluff. She was so startled she couldn't say anything. She stopped announcing her interest in groups after that, which I was relieved about. We stayed friends for college and have kept loosely in touch.

I'm mostly straight but do have occasional attractions to women. I experimented a little in HS, but not after - aside from the kiss in college, which I guess you could count but that was not sexy or intense, and it was a one time thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I always point out to DW: All women are inherently bi-curious.

She says that's not so, but I know that it is.

I agree with you. I've made out with many "straight" girls.

[Anonymous]

I would be blunt and let her know that her certain actions and behaviors were feeling a little too lesbian-ish.

Let her know that if she is playing for that team, more power to her. However you are 100% playing for the opposite team and remind her of this each and every time she hits on you.