DH wants to cut ties with his family, support or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP - A daughter and SIL seem to go round and round with his parents who feel it totally appropriate to come to SIL's home and beat him down verbally every time on this and that. It is his Mother especially that has told DD that it is her right to be able to treat her son anyway she pleases as his Mother. She can't stand the fact that he married a young woman who will back him up and ask why they act this way to their only child. Time has finally come when two children are noticing the yelling even if upstairs. When the "S Drama" reaches our home via phone call from DD, it is so hard not to comment; but in most of my moments I direct them to the resources that are at hand a psychiatrist and a psychologist to guide them with professional advice. It is very hard not to pick up the phone and simply ask both of them why are they so bent on always taking down their DS or our DD?? MIL has actually told DD that she can't wait until the children are age 18 and will not have to deal with DD in relating to them. The IN-Laws love the grandchildren, but seem to dislike intensely both parents - even acting like wackos when not in their own (In-Laws Home.) Very sad all around especially for DSIL as he has to relate to our family of 11 now and my family of about 42 or so though not in immediate area.

OP my best advice is for you and DH to get and use a professional resource on how to navigate this situation or in your case to go to a session with your DH so that you understand where the therapist's advice is coming from and can understand why you would support him. I personally would like to take down those two sad folks because they are going after DD who is a post cancer survivor, dealing very successfully with a lot of work with anxiety herself, is the main breadwinner and is a good mother as Dad is a good father. Obviously, I will not.

WTH DID I JUST READ?? Write clearly!

+1. Sorry, pp, but I also found this almost impossible to follow.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't support or tell him why he shouldn't explicitly. If you say anything in favor and he does it and regrets, it may give him room to put it on you. I would keep focusing on that you love him and will support whatever decision he makes. you know he can make the best decision for himself and whatever he decides you will support.

But make it clear he has to be the one to cut them off and you are following his lead. And again don't say anything to sway him one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Try putting yourself in his shoes. Would you want his support? Would you want him to keep talking to your family after you chose to cut them out?

Family is family can only be taken so far. My mom and sister use this to think they can treat me terribly but I have to forgive them because we are family. I wouldn't let my friends treat me the way they do but I put up with it. I have my boundaries from them so I haven't cut them out but I hate that they view it family is family.

[Anonymous]

Your husband's happiness and well-being are more important than his toxic family! Life is too short to waste time with toxic and dysfunctional people. Your husband is on the right path of recovering from a dysfunctional family. However, you want to set him back by dismissing his feelings and making excuses for his family's behavior. It sounds like to me that you're more concern about his toxic relatives than you are about his healing process. I think you're being naive about the social dynamics of an abusive and dysfunctional family. Your husband doesn't have to put up with these people. Support your husband on this decision!

[Anonymous]

Mine cut his off 20 years ago. All the drama in our life just disappeared. He has said mulitple times he has absolutely no regrets.