Textual and Phone Relationship

[Anonymous]

Well, that made me cry. But, absolutely necessary to hear (read) it, of course.
Thank you for your post. I think I might just print it out, make copies of it and hang them up all around the house so that I can flick my eyes over in the general direction of the nearest copy when I start getting off track again (there's the closest smiley to what my face must look like right now - upset and laughing at myself for being so stupid). Ugh. Ok. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I also wanted to say that I'm just very angry at myself for not being strong enough to do what needed to be done back in February. I hoped - and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt - that he was being upfront and honest with me and that he was a good person who deserved a chance. Deep down, though, I felt that he had broken down something that couldn't be built back up again and I should have listened to that voice and not to my heart.
I remember someone saying in my post in February that they thought it was just the beginning of a very long, drawn-out break-up and that he was a fool for putting himself and me through it. That stuck with me and has come back to me with all of this. Spot on to whoever that was. Very insightful of him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I also wanted to say that I'm just very angry at myself for not being strong enough to do what needed to be done back in February. I hoped - and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt - that he was being upfront and honest with me and that he was a good person who deserved a chance. Deep down, though, I felt that he had broken down something that couldn't be built back up again and I should have listened to that voice and not to my heart.
I remember someone saying in my post in February that they thought it was just the beginning of a very long, drawn-out break-up and that he was a fool for putting himself and me through it. That stuck with me and has come back to me with all of this. Spot on to whoever that was. Very insightful of him/her.

Don't be so hard on yoursel - you loved him. And it's always easier to see things clearly from the outside, when you're not emotionally invested. Try to focus now on grieving, healing and moving forward. He may seem "fine" because he's on la-la land and filling The Void with this affair, but he's not fine. And you will be. You deserve so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I also wanted to say that I'm just very angry at myself for not being strong enough to do what needed to be done back in February. I hoped - and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt - that he was being upfront and honest with me and that he was a good person who deserved a chance. Deep down, though, I felt that he had broken down something that couldn't be built back up again and I should have listened to that voice and not to my heart.
I remember someone saying in my post in February that they thought it was just the beginning of a very long, drawn-out break-up and that he was a fool for putting himself and me through it. That stuck with me and has come back to me with all of this. Spot on to whoever that was. Very insightful of him/her.

Don't be so hard on yoursel - you loved him. And it's always easier to see things clearly from the outside, when you're not emotionally invested. Try to focus now on grieving, healing and moving forward. He may seem "fine" because he's on la-la land and filling The Void with this affair, but he's not fine. And you will be. You deserve so much better.

+1 million to this.

[Anonymous]

OP here : yep, filling that void. I am just light years away from being able to do that. Not quite sure how someone can manage it unless they really didn't care or had moved on ages before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here : yep, filling that void. I am just light years away from being able to do that. Not quite sure how someone can manage it unless they really didn't care or had moved on ages before.

Again - you don't need to be sure. You don't need to understand. He's done it whether you understand it or not. Your understanding it will not change the reality. Either give up trying to 'figure it out' yourself, see a therapist if you can't, or resign yourself to the fact that you're choosing to be miserable until you do one of the other two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here : yep, filling that void. I am just light years away from being able to do that. Not quite sure how someone can manage it unless they really didn't care or had moved on ages before.

Again - you don't need to be sure. You don't need to understand. He's done it whether you understand it or not. Your understanding it will not change the reality. Either give up trying to 'figure it out' yourself, see a therapist if you can't, or resign yourself to the fact that you're choosing to be miserable until you do one of the other two.

This +1000.
In fact, I'd suggest that you go to Website feedback and ask Jeff to lock this thread. You've received valuable advice and insights. Now it's time to begin moving forward. At this point, analyzing this over and over keeps you stuck and sucks energy you could spend on taking care of yourself and your kids.

Lock the thread.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

Actually, I am seeing a therapist already. I agree that I should stop trying to analyse it although it is hard not understanding how someone - who is your friend - could behave in this way towards you. It is such a betrayal of everything you have ever shared and really dusgusting behaviour. It just blows my mind.
Since yesterday, and the post that made me cry, I am angry. I actually had a wonderful afternoon where I didn't think about him at all. I prefer feeling this way than feeling the sadness and disbelief that I've been feeling. Yes, it is what it is and yes, it is time to move on. It's not as easy as writing those words but I am trying.
Thank you everyone for your advice.

[jsteele]

Locking per OP's request. According to her, the replies were quite helpful, so a big thanks to all the contributors.