Something I'm willing to judge: Ghosting

[Anonymous]

Wait Sean & Charlize? I am still stuck on Robin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy for almost 15 months. Granted, not exclusively. Then he texted me, "I'm about done." and never responded to me again. Didn't even call or come see me in person to dump me. Coward!

This just came out of nowhere? There wasn't a fight leading up to this?

Tension, but no fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy for almost 15 months. Granted, not exclusively. Then he texted me, "I'm about done." and never responded to me again. Didn't even call or come see me in person to dump me. Coward!

He should have left out the about.

I don't think breaking up by text is ever appropriate, unless there's fear of physical harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This is pretty much how most men in their 20s end their relationships. I'm 40 years old and remember this happening 15, 20 years ago.

Yes, I remember being "dumped" this way twice. No answer to phone calls, or emails. Just men afraid to say "hey, its over."

[Anonymous]

When I read the subject line, I thought you were taking issue with the "Irish Goodbye", i.e. leaving the bar/party without saying goodbye to the 100 people you know there so it doesn't take 30 minutes to get out the door.

Because I do that a lot. It's just good sense.

I think relationship "ghosting" is a shitty thing to do. I once had a boyfriend tell me that he and his friends had discussed it and decided that you could ghost without guilt after 4 dates, but 5 was the point where you owed the girl a conversation. (i'd be bummed if a guy ghosted after 4 dates, but i'd let it go.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a new thing, just more opportunities for it to happen with social media and technology.

I don't think shunning is the answer to everything but I don't think it's inexcusable. In fact it's the perfect response to inexcusable behavior.

If I'm ignored I would move along and not spend energy on it too care.

^^This. I dated a guy for a few months who kept me at arm's length, wasn't there for me, and would only see me at kooky times. I disappeared on him. He didn't have much regard for me and I felt he didn't deserve the time it would take to break up officially. I had a former friend who I learned was gossiping about me. Cut her off without explanation too. I had another friend who used to stand me up and disappear on me for months at a time. One day, I just stopped responding and haven't seen her since. People like that know what they did wrong and abused the relationship as long as they could. Why convene a panel discussion to announce you're not standing for it anymore? Just cut them off.

The problem is, if they were in the habit of not paying too much attention to you in the first place, what makes you think they even noticed your disappearance? I don't mean that to be snarky either. What I mean is, how can you be sure they know it's their own bad behavior that caused you to bounce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read the subject line, I thought you were taking issue with the "Irish Goodbye", i.e. leaving the bar/party without saying goodbye to the 100 people you know there so it doesn't take 30 minutes to get out the door.

Because I do that a lot. It's just good sense.

I think relationship "ghosting" is a shitty thing to do. I once had a boyfriend tell me that he and his friends had discussed it and decided that you could ghost without guilt after 4 dates, but 5 was the point where you owed the girl a conversation. (i'd be bummed if a guy ghosted after 4 dates, but i'd let it go.)

4 dates is pushing it. By about the 3rd date, there's enough of a relationship to make ghosting weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My former best friend made a pass at my wife. I haven't spoken to him since. You really think I should give him the time of day?

I don't think you ghosted. It's one thing not to talk to someone again after an event. Ghosting isn't that--I view ghosting as backing off, often gradually, and disappearing rather than just say "I'm just not that into you", "it's you, not me", "I'm moving on" or whatever.