Wedding Advice - WWYD if you could do it over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: 16:13, it took me a while to understand how much it means to parents to be able to invite their friends. I thought of my wedding as primarily DH's and my day, but now I understand how our parents saw it a bit as their day, a culmination of everything they had done to raise us. I also later realized my parents' wedding was planned by their parents, so it's logical that they expected to plan more of mine. Watch for this generation gap.

You know, all growing up my mother told me all about how she was forced to borrow her friend's wedding dress, they picked the menu, how her parents set the invite list and only "allowed her" to invite a set number of friends to her own wedding, and how miserable she was about that. The very FIRST time she cackled about getting to do to me at my wedding what her parents did to her, I stopped my mom cold. "Mom, your parents made you miserable. You claim to love me, so why would you be excited at the idea of making me miserable? If you ever say this again, I'll happily pay for my own wedding to have complete control and you'll be lucky to even be invited." She never said another word.

Good for you!

If family wants to invite everyone, suggest they throw you a party after you comeback from your honeymoon. It will be their party and they can invite whoever they want (and pay for it). All you have to do is show up and look pretty!

[Anonymous]

OP, please keep your eye on why you are doing this. Don't get bogged down by details. Guests don't give a flying f* about favors, your wedding colors/theme, the flowers at the tables, or the type of cake. Or the style of invitation. I stressed about so many little, stupid things and did not enjoy much of the planning nor the day of. This was a long time ago (early 90s) and I still remember just feeling stressed and sad because everyone kept telling me all of it should be fun and it wasn't. I honestly think the whole wedding-industrial complex has been developed to make people forget they're forming a lifelong commitment. Don't sweat the small stuff. It just.doesn't.matter.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for the entire wedding. DH's family contributed 100 guests and $0.
When my DDs marry, the groom's family will pay half.

[Anonymous]

Take your church's premariatal counseling seriously. Of all the wedding planning you do, this one thing most centers on your actual marriage. All the other stuff is just fluff and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for the entire wedding. DH's family contributed 100 guests and $0.
When my DDs marry, the groom's family will pay half.

Those who pay also get input. 50% of cost equals half of the decisons...

Just remember that.

A better plan wpuld be raising your daighter so be self sufficient enough thay she can pay for her own wedding.

[Anonymous]

Read this book

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top?ie=UTF8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ensure you pick a maid/matron of honor who will respect the position.

My maid of honor was my younger cousin and she embarassed me horribly in front of my new family, friends, and colleagues with her mean spirited speech. I found out that she's been jealous of me all her life. I'll never speak to her again. I should have asked other close friends or my two sisters in law to fulfill the role.

Yikes what did she say???

[Anonymous]

One thing my husband and I did: we invited only people we genuinely liked and cared for. We didn't take into account the kind of blood/in-law/work/friendship relationship with that person.

If we wanted to see their faces around on our day, then they got on the list. If we didn't, they didn't get on the list.

No way I was spending my wedding day surrounded by people who I knew 100% were just there to criticize, gossip about us and then trash-talk us (especially me, since I'm the one with the largest number of catty relatives) behind our back when it was over.

Also, we let word go around that anyone who started chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!", would be escorted out. This is customary for people to do at weddings in my culture and it bugs the heck out of me. Everyone respected our wish.

[Anonymous]

For the love of God, don't have it outside! Even if you have a tent, as we did, so much can go wrong of the weather turns. At most, have your cocktail hour outside, but plan for contingencies there, too.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Please, don't listen to the people who tell you not to have favors.

Favors are cute and thoughtful. You don't need to pay an arm and a leg for them, but there has to be a little somethings.

I treasure every favor from every wedding I went to. The cutest one is a porcelain doll with a decidely Irish look to it. I love it to bits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ensure you pick a maid/matron of honor who will respect the position.

My maid of honor was my younger cousin and she embarassed me horribly in front of my new family, friends, and colleagues with her mean spirited speech. I found out that she's been jealous of me all her life. I'll never speak to her again. I should have asked other close friends or my two sisters in law to fulfill the role.

Yikes what did she say???

Knowing DCUM and how "private" people are here, probably some childhood anecdote that put PP in an immature light. In contrast, my getaway plan was delayed so my funny brother took the mic and told extremely ridiculous stories about me from my childhood that made me look like a worm-infested scrubby feral freak. Which I was and thought was hysterical because it was all true and I am a confident person who can deal with people knowing stuff about me that isn't kodak worthy. My DH thought that was the best and most real part of our whole reception and his stuffy relatives can go stuff themselves. Can't imagine not speaking to someone for years over a wedding miscue.

[Anonymous]

Keep reminding yourself that your wedding is just one day, but your marriage is (hopefully) forever. Wedding planning has ruined relationships--it's never that important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for the entire wedding. DH's family contributed 100 guests and $0.
When my DDs marry, the groom's family will pay half.

Right because you can totally dictate what others do with their money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep reminding yourself that your wedding is just one day, but your marriage is (hopefully) forever. Wedding planning has ruined relationships--it's never that important.

At my wedding my dad said "Planning a wedding is hard. Being married is harder. Staying married is hardest of all."

[Anonymous]

1. No favors and very minimal centerpieces. You can do a lot with a mason jar, ribbon, and a tea candle.

2. Put the money on the food and the DJ/band.

3. Some guests will bring actual wrapped gifts. Have a plan for these. Do not let anyone pack them into your car. Otherwise you have to unpack them after your reception, right before the wedding night. Not exactly what you want to be doing.