If you make about 400K (divorce planning)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you noticed that the OP hasn't responded? Is that a sign that the post wasn't real? Or do those people (who post fake posts) keep coming back?

I'm sure it's real, but people just got so nasty, she probably thought it a waste of time to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just cannot fathom having an income of 400K and having to worry about yanking kids from private school and renting an apartment because you can't afford anything else now that your income is not $650K.
What the heck are you doing with all the money?
I simply don't understand. Where is the spare $110K that the previous poster calculated going? How does anyone need more than $110K/year once shelter and childcare/schooling is paid for? Seriously, what do you spend it on that it makes for a tight budget? Clothing? Daily runs to Whole Foods?

Or is it like a previous poster mentioned that with an income of $400K your basic standard of living includes saving $4-5K a month off the top (as has been the case with previous posters who were feeling "poor" on incomes of 400K).

I don't get it. On 400K you should be able to afford private school for 2 and a reasonable mortgage payment for 600-800K house. Many, many, families in DC do this on a whole lot less.

I just don't see how 400K/year will ever be a tight budget unless you are saving 50% off the top or frittering away money to the tune of thousands a month. The money has to be going somewhere.

What I wrote above sounds snarkier than I meant it to me. That was actually not my intent at all. I am genuinely curious.

i am too for god's sake! We make just around 200K and we feel very comfortable and have a very healthy savings account. We don't even have to budget. We get automatic deposit of 2K into a savings account that we never see and feel like we buy whatever we want. Granted we don't send our kids to private schools (which I think is ABSURD in the first place) and we have a home with a modest mortgage. Literally if we made 400K/yr I would have more money than I would know how to spend. I would not move and we're not big into nice cars. I guess we would just take luxurious vacations around the world.

That's still a hell of a lot more money ($200K) than we make. Is it OK if we make less and we need to budget ? Should we feel inferior to you ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to figure out how to make a divorce work given that I would like to disrupt the kids' lives as little as possible. We will be losing my STBXH's salary of about $250K, but I make about $400K. The problem is we have a large mortgage, the kids are both in independent schools, and I am told if we sell the house in this market we would be lucky to cover the mortgage and the brokers' selling commission..

Am I reading this right? OP has a combined income of $650k with hubby, and makes $400k alone? And she's worried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Too bad your marriage didn't work out as well as your career.

OMG!! You need to get a grip! The woman is going through a divorce and is trying to figure out what is best for her kids. Why would you say such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Too bad your marriage didn't work out as well as your career.

OMG!! You need to get a grip! The woman is going through a divorce and is trying to figure out what is best for her kids. Why would you say such a thing.

An angry poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just cannot fathom having an income of 400K and having to worry about yanking kids from private school and renting an apartment because you can't afford anything else now that your income is not $650K.
What the heck are you doing with all the money?
I simply don't understand. Where is the spare $110K that the previous poster calculated going? How does anyone need more than $110K/year once shelter and childcare/schooling is paid for? Seriously, what do you spend it on that it makes for a tight budget? Clothing? Daily runs to Whole Foods?

Or is it like a previous poster mentioned that with an income of $400K your basic standard of living includes saving $4-5K a month off the top (as has been the case with previous posters who were feeling "poor" on incomes of 400K).

I don't get it. On 400K you should be able to afford private school for 2 and a reasonable mortgage payment for 600-800K house. Many, many, families in DC do this on a whole lot less.

I just don't see how 400K/year will ever be a tight budget unless you are saving 50% off the top or frittering away money to the tune of thousands a month. The money has to be going somewhere.

What I wrote above sounds snarkier than I meant it to me. That was actually not my intent at all. I am genuinely curious.

i am too for god's sake! We make just around 200K and we feel very comfortable and have a very healthy savings account. We don't even have to budget. We get automatic deposit of 2K into a savings account that we never see and feel like we buy whatever we want. Granted we don't send our kids to private schools (which I think is ABSURD in the first place) and we have a home with a modest mortgage. Literally if we made 400K/yr I would have more money than I would know how to spend. I would not move and we're not big into nice cars. I guess we would just take luxurious vacations around the world.

That's still a hell of a lot more money ($200K) than we make. Is it OK if we make less and we need to budget ? Should we feel inferior to you ?

If you are that insecure, be my guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you noticed that the OP hasn't responded? Is that a sign that the post wasn't real? Or do those people (who post fake posts) keep coming back?

I'm sure it's real, but people just got so nasty, she probably thought it a waste of time to respond.

The second poster shows a lot of wisdom. The actual reason I haven't responded is that it's Spring Break, so I was at Michael's and Walmart with the kids (we are out of town this week).

As to the poster who said why was I asking on here because I was no doubt able to afford a lawyer, my lawyer gave me a checklist and told me to figure it out myself. Our financial advisor managed to lose 60% of our portfolio last year, so I literally have $25,000 in savings. Nobody wants to talk to me with a bank balance like that.

Where is the money? Look around at my STBXH's toys. It's also where all the equity in our house went, because he felt strongly about paying all those off and taking it out of the house.

I should have known very few people would do anything but snark, but I appreciate the poster from Silver Spring who shared the info I wanted and the people who got it's about the kids. Kids, hmmmm, funny how that word never comes out of HIS mouth in marriage counseling. I guess the good news is that when I am through with this marriage I can stop paying the $200/wk for that.

[Anonymous]

OP, we make a little over 400K and live in a nice neighborhood in NW DC, in boundary to a top elementary. I don't see how you can keep the nanny at 4K a month, or pay 2 private school tuitions on that salary (5K a month?) unless you are willing to make a significant lifestyle change, like move really far out. Esp as a single parent whose ex is jobless, you really want to start saving for emergencies etc. Our mortgage is 700K and we pay about $4,800/mo on that. Try to save 4K a month. We also have a few thousand in student loans per month. The money just seems to go. If I were you, I would try to buy a house in a good school district as soon as you can since prices are low and you'll get the tax deduction. Put the money you would have spent on private school and the nanny into savings. You can always send the kids to private later once you are more financially stable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have any advice but just wanted to lend you some support. Some of the people on this message board are so ridiculously and needlessly mean. I've stopped posting questions here because invariably there is some jerk who has a snarky to downright cruel reply that often seems to come out of left field. I guess that's the problem with anonymous message boards.

Why don't you try to get some answers from a divorce support group/message board? I have a good friend going through a divorce and she has gotten lots of practical advice from some of the women in her group. I think she found hers on yahoo. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idon't think it is as dire as you are presenting it.

Here are some quick #'s:
$400,000 Base Salary
$100,000 taxes (assume 25%)
$300,000 Net Income

$48,000 Mortgage (assume $800,000 at 6%)
$52,000 Nanny
$60,000 Schools (assume 2 * 30)
$30,000 Savings (10%)

$110,000 Available $$
Car payment
Food
Utilities
Camp
Vacations
Clothing
Insurance and Property Taxes
Other Entertainment

In the short term, I would look to start protecting yourslf. Cancel credit cards with both of your names on them so that you are not responsible for his expenses, protect whatever savings you have, by taking $ out of bank. Change where your direct deposit is going so that you can control how this $ is being spent.

Talk with a lawyer and a financial advisor who will be able to help you start taking control of your financial life. As a soon to be single mom, you need a lot more buffer as well as insurance to cover the just in case situations.

I don't know anyone in that tax bracket that is taxed only 25%??? Try more like 35-40%.

[Anonymous]

OP: you will land on your feet once your husband's toy habit isn't your responsibility. You earn a lot, and once it is all yours (even after paying child support), it will be plenty for the expenses you have. You can drive an old car and save enough to feed the family for a year.

[Anonymous]

Wha'? Jealousy on DCUM? NAAAAHHH....... Ya think?

[Anonymous]

Sell the house, rent a $2,000 a month townhouse for a while. Regroup.

[Anonymous]

Do you want the contact info of a good divorce attorney?

[Anonymous]

I'm going through something similar, but our numbers are a small percentage of the OPs. I was worried about a lot of things and settled quite a bit by speaking with an attorney. You should find a new lawyer if he/she can't help answer your questions. You really need to find out about possible child support/alimony issues.

I'm moving on my own with my mere $38K salary. I decided to buy in the absolute best school district that I can reasonably afford, which happens to be the Burke/Springfield area. I could get a house in another county for what I am spending on a tiny condo, but it is worth it to me. There are some very good public schools in the area. In the long run, buying into an area with good public schools may be a better financial investment than spending the money on private schools. I have family that decided to move to Potomac instead of spend the $ on private schools. Though, I can understand not wanting to uproot your children any more than is necessary right now.

It seems to me that stopping the financial bleeding (ie cut off your husband's spending of your money) would be a bigger priority for you right now. Start separating your financial accounts now instead of later.