Family events with an introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you for working on this OP. It sounds like your in laws don't understand that you're fighting an illness, your trying to get better, you're taking small steps but you'll just never be able to do what they want and they can't accept that. I'm sorry. That's just tough. I think your DH needs to sit them all down, tell them I'm only going to explain this once more and then ignore their outbursts, their pressure, their manipulation etc. good luck.

OP: DH has been wonderful and extremely supportive. He talked to them many times, every time they go "oh wow, that must be so tough for her" and then nothing. Accusations, screaming matches, long e-mails to me and DH. Even my kids understand and are kind and nice about it. And they are teenagers, for Pete's sake.

This doesn't make sense. In the last couple sentences of your OP, you said you thought everyone understood and everything was fine, but now you are saying there have long emails and screaming matches, repeated times of DH talking to them, and then more of the same.
You know what the deal is, you have a long history of this and still choose to only go to 1 event a year and put DH in the position of explaining over and over to them.
If you want to vent, by all means vent, but this is not a recent thing just about a beach trip.

Why should her DH or anyone have to repeatedly explain? They know this about OP. Accept it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else getting a troll-y vibe? I find it difficult to see OP as a grown women with teenaged children. With every follow-up, she sounds more and more juvenile. There's something very melodramtic-teenager-ish to me, rather than depressed woman with family/anxiety ssues.

Yep, either a troll or a royal pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you in therapy, OP, working on your challenges?

OP: I am in therapy, hence the medication. Who else would've given it to me? A drug dealer? My therapist was the one who said "communication in moderation." So I show up for one holiday a year, not 4 or 5. They are invited for kids' birthdays. But to spend every other weekend with them - no way.

You said you can deal with them for a few hours, in a controlled setting but not for days on end.
Are you trying to say that 4-5 holidays per year involve 3 day celebrations? That's hard to believe that you can't show up for a Memorial Day picnic, or A birthday party.
They probably think you are claiming this illness to get out of any time with them at all, since you said you attend 1 event per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you for working on this OP. It sounds like your in laws don't understand that you're fighting an illness, your trying to get better, you're taking small steps but you'll just never be able to do what they want and they can't accept that. I'm sorry. That's just tough. I think your DH needs to sit them all down, tell them I'm only going to explain this once more and then ignore their outbursts, their pressure, their manipulation etc. good luck.

OP: DH has been wonderful and extremely supportive. He talked to them many times, every time they go "oh wow, that must be so tough for her" and then nothing. Accusations, screaming matches, long e-mails to me and DH. Even my kids understand and are kind and nice about it. And they are teenagers, for Pete's sake.

This doesn't make sense. In the last couple sentences of your OP, you said you thought everyone understood and everything was fine, but now you are saying there have long emails and screaming matches, repeated times of DH talking to them, and then more of the same.
You know what the deal is, you have a long history of this and still choose to only go to 1 event a year and put DH in the position of explaining over and over to them.
If you want to vent, by all means vent, but this is not a recent thing just about a beach trip.

Why should her DH or anyone have to repeatedly explain? They know this about OP. Accept it already.

That's the point. And why is OP asking in her original point why her MIL flipped out about the beach weekend when there is obviously a much longer history with her attending 1 family event per year, not just refraining from the long weekend vacations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you in therapy, OP, working on your challenges?

OP: I am in therapy, hence the medication. Who else would've given it to me? A drug dealer? My therapist was the one who said "communication in moderation." So I show up for one holiday a year, not 4 or 5. They are invited for kids' birthdays. But to spend every other weekend with them - no way.

It's is very rare for a psychiatrist (which is who would prescribe the medication) to also do weekly talk therapy, and if you found one, you found the holy grail of mental health care. Are you doing weekly talk therapy, or a period check-in with your psychiatrist?

I'm a pretty fierce introvert, and what you're describing goes far beyond anything I've experienced. Family events are wearing for me, but I do it and find ways to make myself comfortable (e.g., find opportunities for one-on-one conversation rather than getting into the big group discussions) and then take downtime afterward to recharge. But family is also very important to me, so it's worth making the effort. I get the feeling that you're resisting making that kind of effort for some reason, which is something to deal with in therapy. You have to be fully open in therapy, though, it doesn't do anything if you just show up and spin your wheels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP,

I come from a family of introverts and married one, and none of us behave like you do! Actually I don't know one person out of my large acquaintance who behaves that way.
So please realize that your illness is far, far, out of the norm, and that is why it is misunderstood.

Either you want to change - you have your work cut out for you, because it will mean working with a therapist and getting exposed to what you fear most (that is the way phobias are treated).

Or you decide not to change, but have to accept that the majority of people think you're crazy/selfish, etc.

I think your situation is different because you are surrounded by introverts. OP is referring to in-laws who are extroverts.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if this is my SIL posting. I really think OP is my brothers wife.

[Anonymous]

I'm totally trying this to get out of boring events with my inlaws

[Anonymous]

I often beg off get togethers with my in-laws. I'm an introvert, but have no social anxiety. I enjoy socializing, but can find it draining, and get tired easily also due to a chronic physical condition.

My in-laws' extended family like to get together multiple times a week. I usually don't go, and say I'm really tired, or that I have another thing already that I need to do. My kids and husband are free to go to as many family things as they want. I don't really care, at this point, if the in-laws are offended. I don't live to please others, and I'm not depriving them of their loved ones. I am always warm and pleasant when I'm around them. It's really their problem if they can't accept me as is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often beg off get togethers with my in-laws. I'm an introvert, but have no social anxiety. I enjoy socializing, but can find it draining, and get tired easily also due to a chronic physical condition.

My in-laws' extended family like to get together multiple times a week. I usually don't go, and say I'm really tired, or that I have another thing already that I need to do. My kids and husband are free to go to as many family things as they want. I don't really care, at this point, if the in-laws are offended. I don't live to please others, and I'm not depriving them of their loved ones. I am always warm and pleasant when I'm around them. It's really their problem if they can't accept me as is.

This is where I am a lot of the time with my in-laws. Dh and I fight sometimes because he hates being around his parents and if I bow out of a visit then he doesn't want to go either. That dynamic is between him and his parents. He's welcome to have a relationship with them and they with him. I don't need to be there every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else getting a troll-y vibe? I find it difficult to see OP as a grown women with teenaged children. With every follow-up, she sounds more and more juvenile. There's something very melodramtic-teenager-ish to me, rather than depressed woman with family/anxiety ssues.

Yep, either a troll or a royal pill.

She dropped off this thread with the revelation.