Nagging and how it destroys men and marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Cogiteur wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First disclosure - I am female. Second disclosure - I saw myself in this - used to be like this years ago. I woke up and my marriage is SO MUCH BETTER! Do I get bitchy sometimes? Sure. But I'm also quick to let him know when I'm overtired or PMSed, so that he doesn't take it personally. In fact, now we laugh a lot more than we did, because he will say something like "OK, you know this is not my fault, but you are giving me sh*t about it anyway, right?" Before he would be spinning trying to fix things that were NOT his fault. A huge catch-22 for men.

So take note and ask yourself if perhaps, there is any part of you in this. It just might save your marriage:

http://www.youngcons.com/woman-realizes-shes-been-verbally-abusing-her-husband-without-even-knowing-it/

+1M

This article could also be titled, "The Other Reason Men Have Affairs."

Perhaps we're getting hints into the reason behind your inability to sustain intimacy with a partner.

Actually, I'm the wife and I'm the one having affairs. He not only doesn't appreciate everything I do at home, he won't have sex as much as I would like. Plenty of reason for me to nag.

The number one reason men have affairs is because they do not feel appreciated at home.

[Anonymous]

Number one thing I do is make sure DH feels appreciated--Verbally and physically. Although, sex has been slow lately because I've been dealing with some health issues. But DH knows I want to have have sex with him. He's not feeling like I'm rejecting him.

DH works around many early 20's interns. I'd be doing this whether or not they were around...but it does help to remind me that if I don't appreciate him, he will find someone who will.

If you are with someone you can't appreciate...why are you with them?

[Anonymous]

What an obnoxious website.
"... In our current anti-cop culture -- which is the product of the tireless efforts of race hustlers across the country attempting to push out a false narrative to help Democrats win votes -- ..."

[Anonymous]

Well, the assumption that only women nag is silly, but the point that nagging and nitpicking is destructive is spot on. My husband literally cannot say anything without criticizing, nitpicking, or implying that things could be done better. He's the master of the backhanded compliment - something that is extremely difficult to call him out on.

A few years ago, I took a long hard look at my own behaviors and responses to his criticism. I made a decision to stop my own nitpicking and see how it went. My husband likes to load the dishwasher a certain way (what is it about the dishwasher that makes it such a flashpoint?), so I just shut up about it and let him do the dishes. Unfortunately, when he puts the clean dishes away in the cabinets, he kind of stuffs all the plastic containers and lids in there willy-nilly so that they fall on my head when I open the cupboard. I used to complain about that, but I stopped. I mean, he did the dishes so I didn't have to. That's pretty rad. I can reorganize and nest the tupperware to my heart's desire if it's important to me.

I used to complain when he would try to save money by doing home repairs himself and do them badly. I stopped bitching and making suggestions, and started listening and commiserating with his frustration. The outcome ends up being the same (he eventually decides to call an electrician) and there's a lot less drama.

All in all, I feel like my giving up nagging has given me more peace of mind and helped me be a more understanding person. Unfortunately, my husband has not yet experienced his own epiphany, and his nagging continues unabated. His world is an unhappy place indeed. But I no longer feel that I need to live there.

[Anonymous]

It works in both gender directions: men nag too. Only, they call it "advice" or feedback".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It works in both gender directions: men nag too. Only, they call it "advice" or feedback".

LOL! Yep, and there are way too many men that view their wife as wanting some type of household and childcare help as "nagging" rather than what it really is, and that's being frustrated that they act like a manbaby who doesn't help around the house. IT's nice and convenient for them to be able to bitch about their "nagging wife" instead of getting to the root of the problem. This is not to say that some women/people don't nag. Of course they do. But I suspect this "problem" is completely overblown.

I'm lucky to have a husband that does his share with both the kids and the homes, but I have quite a few female friends that don't, and I suspect their husbands (who are also my friends, but thank goodness I'm not married to them) would be the first to cry out "STOP NAGGING ME!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It works in both gender directions: men nag too. Only, they call it "advice" or feedback".

LOL! Yep, and there are way too many men that view their wife as wanting some type of household and childcare help as "nagging" rather than what it really is, and that's being frustrated that they act like a manbaby who doesn't help around the house. IT's nice and convenient for them to be able to bitch about their "nagging wife" instead of getting to the root of the problem. This is not to say that some women/people don't nag. Of course they do. But I suspect this "problem" is completely overblown.

I'm lucky to have a husband that does his share with both the kids and the homes, but I have quite a few female friends that don't, and I suspect their husbands (who are also my friends, but thank goodness I'm not married to them) would be the first to cry out "STOP NAGGING ME!!!"

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and nag all you want, I'll just tune you out.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have to nag if he'd get his ass off the couch, or home from the golf course, and mow the damn lawn.