MIL/FIL insist on calling son "Daddy's Boy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound a little over-sensitive, but that's natural for a new parent. I think the issue is more with your husband. If it were me, I'd be telling my DH that I know I'm being sensitive, and that I love how great a Dad he is, but that it really hurts my feelings when his parents keep trying to make him out as the favorite parent. If he's a sensitive guy, he should be able to step in when his parents make this sort of comment and defuse it. "Favorite person? You're crazy--you should see how happy he is to see Larla in the morning." If he's a jerk, you have bigger problems than your in-laws.

+1 !!

My son really does prefer his dad when we're out and about together. DS is also pretty shy and anxious around people so he clings to us when friends or relatives are around, and he totally prefers his dad to me in those situations. So people comment all the time about it. It does sound like your in laws are extra obnoxious and insensitive about it, maybe a little over the top. That would bother me too. In my situation, there have only been a handful of comments that were a bit too obnoxious, and dh has responded just like PP has suggested, which is perfect.

Also, to deal with this situation, I sometimes mention that I'm with DS ALL THE TIME (I stay at home), and, like you said OP, ds has always preferred me when he needs to calm down. He's three now actually, and still wants ME to put him to bed, runs to me when he's hurt, and clings to me when DH isn't there, which is most of the time (since he works and I SAH). SO, for one, I enjoy kicking back and taking a break without a little one attached to me and I do mention that from time to time when relatives/friends make comments. It's the truth, and also verifies that my son doesn't think I'm a bad mom . Second, people eventually do see that DS runs to me when he's hurt; the grandparents have experienced ds asking for me at bedtime when they babysit. Point is, as time goes by, they will see that your child isn't just a "daddy's boy," and even if he IS in a phase where he only wants his father, your inlaws will see that he loves you equally as much. They'll experience the phases when your son is all about mommy, mommy, and only mommy.

My own mom always always always commented on how ds preferred his father all of the time. Once we were all together at an event, when ds tripped and fell. He immediately came crying to me for comfort. My mother said something like "oh, now I see, he DOES want his mommy." It was so weird, and I hate to admit it, but I felt kind of validated as a mom. Like a silent "in your face, Grandma!" moment.

Not that you should care what you in laws think of course, but I understand why you do care.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it would be worse if your MIL/FIL thought that the child loved the mailman.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband hands on dad and an equal partner in taking care of ds? Because if he isn't, I'd fix that right quick. When Larlo is crying in the middle of the night, I'd nudge husband with "Daddy's boy is crying." When it's time for a ped appointment, say "Let me know what the ped says when Daddy's boy has his check-up." When you're getting Larlo dressed, yell to husband, "Daddy's boy is outgrowing these shorts. When are you going to the store to get some new ones?"

Yeah, I'm feeling petty and passive aggressive this morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope - not going to flame. These people are asses and your husband is TOTALLY wrong for not standing up for you. It's amazing how stupid stereotypes get imbedded really early. Epic in-law fail. Epic DH fail.

For the record, I was always the 'cheerful stupid' child in the opinion of my grandparents on my dad's side. I knew this by age three (it didn't help that I was left handed like my mom- just to give you a further indication of what these people were like).

I won't bang on about the fact that it now appears I am not as dim-witted as they thought (I am still mostly cheerful FYI) but no one close to me will ever put my kids in a box and try and keep them there. And if my husband bought into that kind of "me against/more preferred than you" toxic muck I would visit upon him something dire. You cannot change your in-laws but I hope to hell you can impress on your husband how wrong his buying into this is for your family dynamic.

Sorry if I sound strident (maybe that's the intellectually inadequate bit coming out) but you do need to deal with this. It's not just a phrase or a moniker, it's a power issue that needs to be addressed. Strong respected women grow strong respectable boys. Disrespected women have far greater challenges. Put your foot down OP.

Lady, you realize your response is a diatribe about the wounds inflicted in your childhood and absolutely nothing to do with the OP's post. Did you just have a psychotic break?

[Anonymous]

Did you mean to post this in the "First World Problems" thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws do exactly the same thing. Don't most in-laws? Especially grandparents on the father's side (who seem to be more insecure about their connection with the grandchildren for some reason).

However, you just have to let it go.

My kids (now 4 and 1) have consistently and infinitely preferred me to DH. I am not insecure when my MIL and FIL talk this way because I know that my years of being there for both kids (and working through endless baby and toddler play and the more interesting and fun preschool years, still sort of a chore ) resulted in a strong bond that no amount of in-law talk can change. DH is a good dad, but he's sometimes on his smartphone or says something snappish or gets tired and won't play. It's tough but I don't do those things, and that's what will shape your relationship with your kids, not what grandma and grandpa say.

Da Fuq??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a one-year-old. My inlaws enjoy referring to him as Daddy's boy, saying Daddy is his favorite person etc etc etc, even recently telling me that if I wanted to have better luck capturing video of him walking I should film him while standing next to his father so he had motivation to walk towards me.

I find this incredibly hurtful --- as if to inspire competition or drive a wedge between DH and myself. My family doesn't do this --- I've asked my husband to say something to his parents, and he hasn't. In fact he seems to enjoy perpetuating this image.

I'm trying not to be petty so if that's how this comes across, please flame away --- maybe I need the reality check. Recently returned to work FT so maybe that's why this stings. Not sure how to nip this in the bud.

They're doing this to be annoying - don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know you're annoyed.