I need constant validation from my boyfriend. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that I constantly need validation that he loves me and that he finds me attractive. It's exhausting and is driving me crazy. How can I help myself? Is he doing something wrong where I constantly feel insecure about us or is it in my head?

Don't make him your god. He is probably no longer attracted to you because you worship him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have the feeling that the problem people are having with you here is the way you stated the problem. Saying that you need "constant validation" sounds pretty neurotic. On the other hand, if I sent my boyfriend a text like the one you sent and got the response you got, I would be annoyed and put off. You were flirting with him and he gave a narcissistic response. That makes me wonder if he ever tells you nice things or flirts with you or makes you feel sexy. If not, then this is not the relationship for you. Some people are fine with a guy like that and some are not. I am the one who likes to hear what he likes about me. And I will happily tell him what adore about him. There is nothing wrong with preferring that kind of interaction.

O the other hand, if he is giving you sweet talk and flirtation and kind words on a regular basis and you are feeling like you need it constantly, then it is probably a problem with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have the feeling that the problem people are having with you here is the way you stated the problem. Saying that you need "constant validation" sounds pretty neurotic. On the other hand, if I sent my boyfriend a text like the one you sent and got the response you got, I would be annoyed and put off. You were flirting with him and he gave a narcissistic response. That makes me wonder if he ever tells you nice things or flirts with you or makes you feel sexy. If not, then this is not the relationship for you. Some people are fine with a guy like that and some are not. I am the one who likes to hear what he likes about me. And I will happily tell him what adore about him. There is nothing wrong with preferring that kind of interaction.

O the other hand, if he is giving you sweet talk and flirtation and kind words on a regular basis and you are feeling like you need it constantly, then it is probably a problem with you.

Thanks for your response. I know what you mean. I just feel like this type of stuff is pretty regular for our relationship. He is really bad at sweet talk especially over text and he can be so aloof sometimes in real life. Like the other night I wore a nice tank top that made my breasts look amazing. He came home and didn't even comment or give me a compliment. Just little things like that come up sometimes. Or how when we come home from work, he turns on the tv and starts watching baseball and starts talking about it instead of asking me about my day or giving me attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people are falling for this one.

Why are you so sure it's fake?

Reads just like the "lost boyfriend" girl's writing style. Hmmm..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people are falling for this one.

Why are you so sure it's fake?

Reads just like the "lost boyfriend" girl's writing style. Hmmm..

you mean we're going to have bobcat and coon hunting again?!?! I can't afford to waster 2 days glued to another legendary DCUM thread!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people are falling for this one.

Why are you so sure it's fake?

Reads just like the "lost boyfriend" girl's writing style. Hmmm..

you mean we're going to have bobcat and coon hunting again?!?! I can't afford to waster 2 days glued to another legendary DCUM thread!!

Read 14:11 and tell me it doesn't sound like her?!?!

[Anonymous]

Is it possible he senses your need for validation/neediness and that causes him to withdraw a bit? Or take you for granted because you seem to put him on a pedestal? Not trying to be snarky, just wondering about your dynamic.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough question to answer since none of us on here know you personally.

It could be either/or.

If you do not ask your boyfriend these questions, does he tell you on his own accord that he loves you...That he thinks you are beautiful? Or does he only tell you when prompted?

If the former, then it could all be your own insecurities acting out.

If the latter, then I can totally see how important you feel hearing all of this is to you.

We ALL need to hear that we are loved + that our S/O thinks we are pretty.

Hope this helps out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people are falling for this one.

Why are you so sure it's fake?

Reads just like the "lost boyfriend" girl's writing style. Hmmm..

Funny! That'll teach me to accidentally hit "submit" before editing for typos. Definitely not the lost boyfriend poster. But I have gone out with a few assholes and I am thinking OP might not be the real problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people are falling for this one.

Why are you so sure it's fake?

Reads just like the "lost boyfriend" girl's writing style. Hmmm..

Funny! That'll teach me to accidentally hit "submit" before editing for typos. Definitely not the lost boyfriend poster. But I have gone out with a few assholes and I am thinking OP might not be the real problem here.

Oh, wait! You weren't talking about me.You meant the OP! Oops... Never mind...

[Anonymous]

Let him go bobcat poaching with his uncle j, maybe he'll miss you enough to propose when he gets back to his grandparents gigunda 10 acre property!

[Anonymous]

Dang you DCUM! I wrote my PP^^ before reading all responses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the one who likes to hear what he likes about me.

Translation: I, too, have low self esteem, am high maintenance and need constant validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I wore a nice tank top that made my breasts look amazing.

YOU think your breasts looked amazing in that tank top. Maybe he didn't.

Or how when we come home from work, he turns on the tv and starts watching baseball and starts talking about it instead of asking me about my day or giving me attention.

He's obviously tired of fucking you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the one who likes to hear what he likes about me.

Translation: I, too, have low self esteem, am high maintenance and need constant validation.

Too bad about the typo. It should read "I am someone who likes..." Not that I think the wording matters to you. I am not sure what is wrong with wanting to hear nice words from the person you love. I tell him a lot of good stuff too. Maybe that's part of the reason we are so happy and a lot of people here seem miserable. Hmm...

Constant validation? No. But a little sweet talk and generosity of spirit is quite a turn on. Nice people tend to enjoy making each other feel good.