How to handle divorced parents and hosting big events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's hysterically funny that the MIL will speak to the FIL, but not the new wife! Does she think the FIL was faultless? Whatever. Maybe you can work this out on the calendar. If the party is on a Saturday, MIL can visit a few days before the party and FIL plus new wife can stay at a hotel for the weekend and then, a few days with you after the party. I would also inform all of the people involved what the plan is. OP, you are a saint to make this all happen.

OP here. I think it bothers MIL greatly that FIL's new wife is the same age as her DIL. If he started dating her 10 years ago, she was in her mid 20's then.

then she really needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL is graduating from med school. FIL and MIL are divorced. Have been divorced for the entire duration that I have known my husband so 10+ years. BIL attends med school near our home. MIL visits often but FIL lives overseas with his wife who happens to be my age. MIL thinks FIL cheated on her with his current wife so there was a lot of drama. MIL is still angry about this after 10+ years.

My children have only met their grandfather once and they were too young to remember. I would like to host FIL and his wife at our house. MIL comes to visit frequently. I thought MIL could stay in a hotel. Also trying to host a graduation party but not sure what to do with FIL's wife.

MIL will not be in the same room with FIL's wife. MIL does not mind if FIL is around.

Should we respect MIL's wishes and not have FIL's wife at our house? WWYD?

DH is just avoiding the subject.

Have them both stay at the hotel. It should be DH's call.

I would also host BIL. Have the party at your house and invite everyone. If MIL deals with this now, it may help in the future. Does MIL have a close friend or two that can come so she feels supported?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP, they all need to stay at hotels during the event. This is wise advice.

The best thing you can do is think of yourself as Switzerland: be neutral, don't get involved, and keep all of the gold.

Your husband needs to talk with his mother about the fact she's going to have to deal with the new wife (who isn't new, 10 years is a long time). The "new" wife is entitled to be included in the family events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL is graduating from med school. FIL and MIL are divorced. Have been divorced for the entire duration that I have known my husband so 10+ years. BIL attends med school near our home. MIL visits often but FIL lives overseas with his wife who happens to be my age. MIL thinks FIL cheated on her with his current wife so there was a lot of drama. MIL is still angry about this after 10+ years.

My children have only met their grandfather once and they were too young to remember. I would like to host FIL and his wife at our house. MIL comes to visit frequently. I thought MIL could stay in a hotel. Also trying to host a graduation party but not sure what to do with FIL's wife.

MIL will not be in the same room with FIL's wife. MIL does not mind if FIL is around.

Should we respect MIL's wishes and not have FIL's wife at our house? WWYD?

DH is just avoiding the subject.

Have them both stay at the hotel. It should be DH's call.

OP here. MIL now wants to host the graduation party at her house with all her friends. It is a 8-10 hour drive.
I would also host BIL. Have the party at your house and invite everyone. If MIL deals with this now, it may help in the future. Does MIL have a close friend or two that can come so she feels supported?

[Anonymous]

They are adults. Let them sort it out.

[Anonymous]

OP - If FIL and new wife are coming from overseas, then have DH invite them to your home for a few days right after the party for BIL. Let MIL know that she is invited to your home at an appropriate time to perhaps help out with the kids while you finish last minute details with DH's assistance, too, and the night of the party, but then let her know that you will then have FIL and wife stay over a to meet the grandchildren and visit before their return or whatever. You are being upfront with her and giving her the priority status that she deserves, BUT you are also extending an invitation to FIL and wife, and you can see just how willing they are now and will be in the future to have a relationship with DH and your family.