Online dating -- Should you talk on the phone before meeting first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP above, and I meant to say that you message for about a week after the first online contact, then meet up in person within 10 days-2 weeks of that first online contact, dependent on your schedule.

+1

And I only suggested coffee or cocktail as a first date. Quick and an hour. Of course, a couple men insisted on meals. I ended up dating them longer.

[Anonymous]

Im a divorced mom so my view is different. I only have a limited amount of free time, and its a bummer to waste any of it on a bad date. So I prefer a phone call first. Ive had a few men “fail” the phone call, one memorably bc he started telling me within 10 mins all about his financial situation re his divorce. Clearly he was very bitter and that isn’t what I am looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go on Google and get a phone number that you give out to online dates. You don't have to give out your real cell number.

Google Voice numbers are mostly used by drug dealers and prostitutes.

NOT a good look. Just an FYI

Not true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP from the other online dating thread and I bet this will get a similar split response from women. Do you want to talk on the phone first before meeting? On one hand I could see you wanting to to use it as an additional screening tool to see if the date is even worth your time (if the guy can form sentences, doesn't sound creepy, etc). But on the other hand, it sounds like a bit much for once again, someone you just quickly met online, shot over a message, and are not wanting to meet. Plus how many women are willing to give over their phone number at this stage anyway.

Which do you prefer?

My now-DW met the day after we matched online, rather than talking online. We began dating exclusively within three weeks and were engaged after 15 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather just meet, no call, and no long, drawn out messaging back and forth first either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy but I believe pretty firmly in meeting - a low cost (in time and money) meeting in person - pretty quickly. Not a lot of online back and forth. Meet someplace public (and safe) and find out right off the bat if you have attraction and can engage in conversation. You get to validate how accurate (current) their pictures are, whether or not there is attraction (so much communication is not verbal or written and photos don't always convey everything - people sometimes look different in person) and whether or not they can connect with you. Written messages (email or texting) can be heavily curated and phone conversations can also be misleading. No need for a full blown date, just coffee (or a drink), and an excuse to skedaddle quickly if needed.

+1.

Met someone online when I was single, went back and forth on the phone for two weeks and fell in love with the person's voice. When we finally met in person, there was zero physical attraction.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was strange the first time a woman suggested it, but a quick FaceTime has saved me dates with someone missing all of their front teeth, and someone pretending to be a different sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go on Google and get a phone number that you give out to online dates. You don't have to give out your real cell number.

Google Voice numbers are mostly used by drug dealers and prostitutes.

NOT a good look. Just an FYI

LMAO not even close

[Anonymous]

I used to not like phone calls, then I had a date with someone who came across great via message but once we met in real life had pretty bad mental health issues (like, believed he was Jesus type mental health issues).

Possible he could have hidden it via phone as well but since then phone calls have helped me screen out people who I could tell were a little off (such as a guy who had pretty bad autism, again, came across fine via text but on the phone I could tell was off and we wouldn’t work).

Also had a date scheduled with a guy I wasn’t sure about, I was considering cancelling but then we hopped on the phone and had a 4 hour conversation. I was smitten with him after that, and our date the next day was even better. Now he’s my BF, and I’m really happy we had the long conversation first.

[Anonymous]

Yes to phone call. Many don't pass the phone call. I've had them share a lot have anger about their prior marriages and wives/exwives. I've had men share their financial situation on the phone calls. Some just have extreme bitterness and are nowhere near ready to date.

Many don't take any accountability for their marriages failing.

You can also screen for educational level on the phone. One man did not pass due to not having proper grammar, i.e. he used "ain't" in the conversation several times.

The man should have basic phone skills. Many people don't.

I would say about 20% don't pass the phone call.

The phone call should be light, pleasant, and allow you lock in details of the first meet up. The anger, financial details and educational level (lack of grammar) come up on their own. I keep things light and pleasant.

Save your valuable time and your gas money and insist on a phone call.

[Anonymous]

9:27 again

Do 1 phone call, not endless calls.

Have limited texting, not endless.

The goal is an in person meetup.

[Anonymous]

I always ask to have a video intro and have it on my profile that it’s required. Too many men hiding excess weight or misstating their age.
Also it’s a quick tool to screen out mismatch in lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to phone call. Many don't pass the phone call. I've had them share a lot have anger about their prior marriages and wives/exwives. I've had men share their financial situation on the phone calls. Some just have extreme bitterness and are nowhere near ready to date.

Many don't take any accountability for their marriages failing.

You can also screen for educational level on the phone. One man did not pass due to not having proper grammar, i.e. he used "ain't" in the conversation several times.

The man should have basic phone skills. Many people don't.

I would say about 20% don't pass the phone call.

The phone call should be light, pleasant, and allow you lock in details of the first meet up. The anger, financial details and educational level (lack of grammar) come up on their own. I keep things light and pleasant.

Save your valuable time and your gas money and insist on a phone call.

For me it’s 80% who don’t pass a video intro. Can’t imagine how much time I would waste if I agreed to meet them in RL. Also flaky people who would text you “can we talk later” while you are already in the meeting room waiting for him to join; or people who are too busy to set a time for a video intro.
If he’s too busy and can’t talk 30 min he’s just looking for a quick weekend hookup not a relationship

[Anonymous]

Yes. It’s a good way to gauge chemistry and their ability to hold a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like to talk on the phone first. I don't want to give out my phone number.

I use zoom links no need to exchange phone numbers